Sucker Punch
by Moozy426
Summary: This takes place after my story, Pucker Up. Rachel/Puck are broken up and Rachel is now dating Jesse. Puck thinks Jesse is up to no good. He sets out to prove Jesse is a liar. Can he win Rachel's heart back along the way?
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: This takes place a few months after my story Pucker Up. Rachel and Puck have recently broken up after a brief relationship. Not sure how far I am going to take this story, but I wanted to explore Puck's reaction to the new man in Rachel's life._

**Sucker Punch**

"Meet the newest member of _New Directions_…Jesse St. James."

Say what?

Puck looked up from the magazine he had secretly stashed in his sheet music folder (the latest edition of _Bikes, Babes, and Bazookas_) to stare at the floppy haired, dill-weed that was standing next to Mr. Schuester.

Mr. Schuester put his hands together in a welcoming clap, but none of the glee kids joined in.

Jesse, seemingly unfazed by the lukewarm reception, kept a smile plastered on his face and said, "Glad to be part of the team. I know you all must be skeptical about my departure from _Vocal Adrenaline_, but I want to assure you that my actions are not some thinly veiled attempt at subterfuge. For starters, I have no reason to spy. One only has to look at my excellent credentials to know that. I fully intend to commit to this team. I hope that with my help, we can come out on top."

Puck noticed at the end of this puke-worthy speech that Jesse had the audacity to wink at the group.

He actually winked.

What the hell was this guy trying to do…be a game-show host?

Puck also couldn't help but notice that Rachel was looking at Jesse like he was a jug of water, and she had been lost in the desert for days. That's right, she was mesmerized by his canteen of love.

Gag me.

Aside from Rachel, Puck was glad that none of the other glee members seemed all that impressed with Jesse.

Artie spoke up right away, "Hold up, hold up, you're not actually buying this act are you Mr. Schu?"

"Sorry Artie, his story checks out. His file in the office shows that he has moved into the district and is now officially enrolled at this school."

"This is whack!" Mercedes exclaimed. "I'm already sick of fighting for scraps when it comes to singing with the chosen ones, Rachel and Finn, and now we have his pale ass joining in. The rest of us might never get a solo again."

Kurt chimed in, "Just so we're clear pretty-boy, there's only room for one divo in this choir room and that position is already occupied by _moi_."

"Whoa guys, calm down…" Mr. Schuester started to say before Jesse interrupted.

"If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't trust me either. However, I have no plans to sabotage or take over your glee club. I simply want to get close to one of your members." Jesse nodded at Rachel, and she blushed.

Puck rolled his eyes while Jesse finished by saying, "My disinterest in lying about my feelings for Rachel shows that I don't like to keep secrets."

Puck had had enough, "Maybe it shows that you are some kind of weird stalker freak. I mean, what kind of loser changes schools to be with a chick? Maybe I heard wrong, and your last name is actually St. Bernard. That would help explain why you're such a sick puppy."

"Alright Puck, you need to drop it now," Mr. Schu said in a strict tone.

Jesse smirked, "With a name like Puck, I wouldn't be making fun of anyone's name. Is your mom a big hockey fan or something? Think of all the hilarious rhyming nicknames that could abound when saying 'Puck.'"

"His full name is Noah Puckerman," Rachel explained, "Puck for short."

Puck thought that if Rachel was trying to help him, then she had failed miserably. For some reason, Puck didn't want this goober knowing his whole name.

Jesse scratched his chin and pretended to think, "Do they play hockey on your ark?"

Puck would have been offended if that joke hadn't been so lameass. The other glee members, however, were amused. Puck could hear Artie say in the background, "Ooh, Biblical Burn."

Puck sat up in his seat and tried to look as menacing as possible, "Yeah, my ark's in the parking lot, and I'm short one canine. Care to volunteer, St. Bernard?"

Rachel put both hands up to act like a stop sign, "You guys are being so childish."

Taking in her comment, Puck realized that now was probably not the best time to mention that Jesse was the one who had started it.

Rachel focused her gaze at Puck, "For the record, I had no idea Jesse was changing schools. I don't think it's creepy, I think it's sweet."

Rachel turned back to Jesse, "I think you should know that Puck is a valuable asset to have on our team. In addition to a lovely singing voice, he also plays a mean guitar."

Rachel now addressed the whole group, "I have gotten to know Jesse in the past couple of weeks, and I can assure you that he is a good guy. Plus, he's been to Regionals three times and has several winning titles under his belt. We could really use his expertise if we want to have any shot at competing."

"Thank you Rachel," Mr. Schuester said, glad that things were starting to get under control. "As you all know, any one who has ever auditioned for glee club under my direction has gotten in. Jesse here," Mr. Schuester grabbed Jesse by the shoulders, "is no different than any of you. I want you to treat him with respect, and help him get settled."

The glee members mumbled their acquiescence as the bell rang, signaling the end of the period.

Mr. Schu pulled Jesse aside to catch him up to speed on what music the group was rehearsing. Puck took this opportunity to approach Rachel.

He was gonna play it cool…

He didn't want Rachel to know that this Jesse jerk pissed him off. He certainly didn't want her to think that he was jealous.

Noah Puckerman did not get jealous.

He got hungry.

Or bored.

Or sleepy.

Or amazed at how badass he was.

But, he certainly never got jealous.

Puck decided that the best approach was to ease his way into the conversation, maybe ask about the warm weather they had been having.

Puck held his hands nervously behind his back, "So, did you go to the dog-pound to pick up the mutt or did he just follow you home?"

Inwardly, Puck chastised himself. Subtlety had not been achieved.

Rachel rolled her eyes, "Excuse me if I only laugh at that on the inside."

Screw subtlety.

Puck put on his serious face to show her that he meant business, "Come on Rachel, this guy is playing you. Believe me, I see all the signs. His sickeningly sweet speech at the start of class gave me a freakin stomachache. I'm sure you like him because he's nice to you and listens to you. He takes you to concerts and is respectful of your personal boundaries blah blah blah. Clearly, he wants to gather information about our club. If he happens to get into your pants along the way, well then nuts for him—literally."

"No. _You_ believe _me_," Rachel insisted, "I would know if he was playing me. After-all, I learned all the signs from you!"

Puck was wounded. "Hey, I was upfront about our previous arrangement. You agreed to all the terms. You share some of the responsibility; I wasn't fake dating myself."

"No," Rachel's voice got louder, "You just left out the small detail that you were going to be a father. Other than that, you were the picture of honesty!"

Puck shifted his weight from foot to foot, he hated when Rachel was mad at him. "You're right, I did lie. However, I came clean on my own, and you forgave me long enough to date me for several weeks. At least, I thought you had forgiven me."

Rachel looked down to the ground as if slightly embarrassed. She scuffed the toe of one of her Mary Janes against the floor. "I did forgive you," she said quietly, "You just didn't live up to my expectations."

Puck didn't like the way she was judging his character.

Puck looked around the room to make sure no one was listening. Thankfully, the coast was clear.

"You broke up with me!" he reminded her even though it was a painful thing for him to think about.

When Rachel had pulled the plug, his ego had been hurt. More accurately, it felt like his ego had been karate-chopped, stomped on the floor, thrown against the wall, and then stuck in a boiling vat of acid.

Puck shrugged and admitted to himself that he might have a teensy problem with rejection.

Rachel shifted her gaze away from the floor directly to Puck's face, "Because I saw you flirting with Santana in the hallway."

"That wasn't flirting, that's just the way I talk normally," Puck defended himself. "I can't help it if everything I say sounds smooth. Plus, I think I was only being nice so I could copy her homework. I was cheating at school, not on you. Therefore, you had no reason to be upset."

"Cheating at any aspect of your life indicates a shaky moral foundation. Besides, you had your hands on her," Rachel recalled.

"So, I was talking with my hands. Didn't I ever mention I was part Italian?"

Rachel gave him a look.

"Seriously, my great-great aunt was from Sicily."

Rachel shook her head, "Regardless, that same week you also had Quinn move into your house."

"You were the one who encouraged me to take responsibility for my actions. I couldn't expect Finn to let her stay with him after we had lied for so long. Plus, you know Quinn's dad won't let her back in the house. Where else was she supposed to go?"

"I'm glad you're letting Quinn stay at your house, it was the right thing to do," Rachel admitted.

Puck was quick to let go of his annoyance, "Thanks."

Puck stared into Rachel's eyes, "I know I've told you this before, but Quinn and I are just friends. Or at least, we're working on being friends. She still wants to give the baby up for adoption, and I'm okay with that. Nothing else is ever going to happen between us."

"I appreciate the update, but that doesn't change anything. Jesse is a part of this club now, and I am going to continue to date him. Subject closed."

Rachel made a move to turn away, but Puck wanted to have the last word, "Be careful. Aside from his deformed face, there's something about that Jesse punk that I just don't like."

"I'm a big girl Noah," Rachel reassured him, "I can take care of myself."

Jesse, having finished up with Mr. Schu, walked over to where Puck and Rachel were standing.

"Hey Rach. Hey Noah," Jesse said brightly.

This guy was officially dead meat.

Jesse noticed Puck's anger. "Sorry buddy. It'll take me awhile to remember everyone's nicknames. At my last school, I even came up with some of my own. How about Pucky?"

He was deader than dead meat.

"No? I also like Puckerino."

He was going to be road-kill. Accidents happened in the school parking lot all the time.

"The Puckman? Almost sounds like Pacman doesn't it? Come on, that's a pretty sweet game."

They would never find the body.

Jesse snapped his fingers, "I've got it. How about Puckzilla? Your size and intellect are like that of a dinosaur."

Puck actually liked that name, but he was the only one who was allowed to know that.

In his head, Puck fantasized that he was the T-Rex in _Jurassic Park_ and Jesse was the guy who had gotten eaten while sitting on the toilet. That image made him feel a little better.

Puck chose not to respond (with his voice or with his fists), so the three of them stood in tension-filled silence for a moment.

Deciding he had done enough damage for one day, Jesse grabbed Rachel's arm, "I think we should get going. You promised that you would help me catch up on _our_ teams' song catalogue."

Puck refused to believe that Jesse would ever truly be a part of the team.

Rachel grabbed her bag and held her hand out to Jesse who immediately enfolded it into his own.

"Bye," Rachel said to Puck, "I'll see you at the next rehearsal."

"Later Puck," Jesse said as he saluted.

Puck's stomach sank as he watched them leave the room.

He told himself he didn't care as he watched Rachel rest her head on Jesse's shoulder while they walked away.

When he thought about it, her relationship with Jesse was really none of his business.

Rachel was no longer his girlfriend. He had other things to worry about; things like perfecting his jump-shot. He certainly couldn't expect the coordinationally-challenged Finn to carry the basketball team.

In a way, Puck felt he should be relieved. He hated drama and Rachel was nonstop drama.

If anything, Puck should be thanking Jesse for taking his place in the love triangle…er…quadrangle…that was Rachel's life.

Bullshit.

Puck wasn't grateful, he was pissed.

Jesse was an outsider.

Although Puck couldn't prove it, he knew that Jesse was not who he said he was. His intentions were definitely not pure.

Jesse was a player.

Too bad for him that it took one to know one: Puck was the master player of all players.

He had once gone on a date with five women in a single night. Granted he was at one of his pool clients' book clubs, but it still counted. The ladies hadn't minded; Puck had rocked their literary worlds.

Puck decided right then and there that he was going to expose Jesse as the lying cheater that he was.

It's the best thing for the team, Puck reasoned.

He would be performing a community service, and the best part was that it wouldn't even be court-ordered.

Although he liked to hide it, Puck was a nice guy.

The team would be better off once Jesse was gone.

A certain female vocalist would definitely be better off without Jesse, even if she didn't know it yet.

And, Puck admitted, Jesse's departure would be beneficial for him too.

As Puck gathered his own belongings, he identified the sinking feeling that had been in his stomach for awhile.

More specifically, the pain that had been bothering him since St. WhatsHisFace had darkened the doorway of the choir room.

The feeling that plagued him like a sucker punch even now...

Aw hell, Puck was jealous.


	2. Chapter 2

"What's with you man? You're acting like a total zombie right now."

Puck shook himself out of the stupor he was in and focused on the hand that Finn was waving in front of his face.

"I've been mad at you for weeks. I've ignored you, I've threatened physical violence. I prank called your house like twenty times."

Puck's ears perked up, "Wait, that was you? You scared the crap out of my little sister. One night, she came running into my room and told me that a scary man whispered on the phone that he was 'coming to get her.' I had to give her a month's allowance just to get her to shut up."

Finn grinned sheepishly. "I didn't know it was her at first, I thought it was you. Besides, that little creep poured glue in my ear once. Now, we're even."

Puck decided to bite his tongue even though he wanted to ask in what universe did he, Noah Puckerman, sound like a tween girl, even if it was on the phone.

"Anyways," Finn continued, "When I finally decide to call a truce and invite you over to play my new video game, you bail on me. It's not like I don't have enough problems to deal with. For starters, my mom has been on my case about…"

Time to zone out again, Puck thought. It's not that Puck wasn't grateful that Finn was back to talking to him, because he was. However, Puck couldn't help but notice that Finn was a tad bit…whiny.

Finn whined about school, and his family, and sports. At some point, listening just became too exhausting.

Puck immediately felt bad. He was the one who had betrayed Finn; maybe he should give the guy another chance.

"…but she kept nagging me to take out the trash, and I was like but mom it's only been sitting there for two weeks. It didn't even smell that bad and the curb was so far away…"

Nope. Puck was right the first time.

As Puck continued to drown out Finn's voice, he couldn't help but wonder what Rachel saw in these types of guys.

Sure Finn was nice, but he wasn't the brightest candle on the menorah (as his Bubby would say).

And this Jesse kid, well he was just a tool…no he was so lame he was a whole friggin tool shed.

It was too bad that Rachel couldn't see that Finn and Jesse were wrong for her. But then again, Rachel always tried to see the good in everyone.

Puck couldn't fault her for it; she must have seen some good in him to pretend to be with him and then date him for real—even if it was only for just a short while.

But, Puck thought, Rachel's problem was that she was attracted to guys that were supposed do-gooders.

Puck wasn't great at school, but he could do the math:

Girl do-gooder + guy do-gooder = boring ass couple

Rachel needed someone who could bring some excitement into her outdated, Broadway-inspired world.

She needed a guy she could make provocative home movies with, instead of artistic music videos (although Puck was willing to do both as long as the quality was good).

Rachel definitely needed someone to tone down her crazy, and not enhance it.

As far as Puck could tell, Jesse was just the female version of Rachel.

It had only been a short while, and those two were already attached at the hip.

Glee club was becoming unbearable.

If Rachel suggested a song, Jesse agreed.

If Jesse came up with some choreography, Rachel insisted the group try it.

When Rachel passed around a petition suggesting that the name of glee club be changed to _Glee Extravaganza_! (complete with star sticker), Jesse was the first to sign it.

It was only a matter of time before the club imploded from the sheer overload of sparkle and pizzazz.

One thing had become clear in Puck's mind: Jesse needed to disappear.

Not disappear as in _The Godfather_ type disappear (although Puck wondered if the coppers could trace his nunchucks back to him if he hid them in a bathroom stall).

Just disappear as in transfer back to his old school.

Once Puck exposed Jesse as the lying traitor that he was, Rachel would realize how much better off she would be without him.

Of course, Puck admitted, Rachel would probably be crushed first.

But, Puck vowed that he would be there for her.

As a friend.

And only if she wanted his friendship.

Because Puck certainly didn't want to get back together with her.

Even if they did have the best combined couple name out of Rachel's three relationships.

Puckleberry had caught on in the halls of the high school when Rachel and Puck had first gotten together.

Although Puck had been embarrassed at first, he now thought the name sounded more awesome than Brangelina (and it definitely sounded better than Bennifer…what the hell kind of crap was that?).

Puckleberry just had such a nice ring to it. It even sounded like a real word. Puck could imagine himself working up a sweat at the gym and then going out for a puckleberry smoothie, extra puckleberry please.

Puck shook his head to clear his thoughts. None of that crap mattered anymore. The only thing that did was getting glee club back to the way it used to be.

Puck forced himself to tune back in to Finn.

"…so as soon as I could, I left the motel and promised myself that I would not have sex with her again no matter how much she begged."

Whoa.

Finally, a topic of conversation that Puck could support.

Puck punched Finn on the shoulder good-naturedly. "That sounds terrible man. Hey, do you mind repeating that last part again a bit more slowly?"

"Why?"

"No reason."

"Nah, I should probably get to class. See yah later man."

"Okay, later." Puck watched Finn leave. He would have to get the information about who Finn gave it up to later.

Puck leaned against the lockers, and let his eyes scan the hallway. Just his luck, the new power couple of William Mckinley was headed his way.

Puck tried not to notice the huge grin that graced Rachel's face while she was walking with Jesse.

Too bad she was going to have to get hurt soon.

Crap.

Puck had been spotted.

Puck pretended not to notice them and instead stared down at a mole on his right hand.

"Hey PPPuck!" Jesse said; emphasizing the "P" sound to be annoying.

"Sup," Puck said casually while still looking at his hand.

"Hello Noah," Rachel chimed in.

Puck nodded at her without looking up.

"Is something the matter with your hand?" Rachel asked in a concerned manner.

Puck's gaze quickly shot up as he put his hand behind his back. Operation look casual was a failure.

"No, just a mole. I've had it forever."

Jesse looked serious for a moment. "Has it changed size, shape, or color recently?"

"No."

"Any oozing or bleeding?"

"No, what are you my doctor?" Puck was feeling uncomfortable.

Jesse got within inches of Puck's face and poked a finger in his chest. "Skin cancer is nothing to joke about. My aunt had melanomas in four different places, but she ignored it, and eventually part of her nose had to be removed."

Puck gulped and tried to back away slowly. This guy had issues with respecting another person's spatial boundaries.

If Jesse even thought about grabbing Puck's hand to get a closer look, Puck was fully prepared to rip off Jesses' arm and smack him in the face with it.

Thankfully, it didn't come to that.

Jesse straightened up and said brightly, "PSA over. Anywho, I've gotta run."

Jesse pecked Rachel on the cheek, "See you at ballet class later."

Jesse looked Puck up and down, "Ever think of joining ballet? I saw how graceful you were when we were roller skating last week. I bet you'd be good at arabesques and plies."

Puck was speechless.

Jesse tapped his temple, "Think about it." He walked away, but called over his shoulder, "Don't forget to wear sunscreen, it could save your life…and your nose!"

Puck rubbed his right hand nervously. _Did_ his mole look bigger today than yesterday?

No, that dweeb was just trying to mess with his head. It was time for Puck to turn his attention over to Rachel.

Rachel sighed audibly. "I don't see why there has to be any animosity between the two of you. We are all a part of glee club; therefore, we all have a shared goal in common. We should be working together to try and improve our situation. We should not waste time sniping at each other."

"I'm not the one that's sniping. I was minding my own business, and your boyfriend comes along and tells me I might have cancer."

"He was just trying to be helpful."

Puck wasn't done. "And then he insinuates that I'd be good at ballet after watching me roller skate. Is he saying I'm girly or something?"

The best part of roller skating for Puck was seeing Rachel flash her undies when she skated under Jesses' legs. This fact proved that he definitely was not girly.

"It takes a real man, someone secure in their masculinity, to be a ballet dancer. Even professional athletes take dance lessons to improve their balance."

Puck thought back to football season and remembered all too well the failed attempt to teach the team how to dance. Although, they did actually win that one game…

"What were those foreign words he was spewing at me? Arabians and piles?" Puck asked. "They sounded like words used to describe kinky sex positions."

Rachel blushed as she corrected him, "Arabesques and plies are different ballet moves." Rachel was going to explain what each meant, but she knew Puck didn't care.

"Whatever. Do I look like the type of guy who needs to improve anything in terms of my physical appearance?" Puck flexed the guns to showcase his point.

Rachel just rolled her eyes. "That's right. I forgot that you're the perfect male specimen. Maybe you should just sign up for a club that deals with social issues and manners."

Puck smirked. "Are you saying my social skills are lacking? Why don't you look in the mirror there sweetheart. I'm not the one who acts as the school's running punch-line."

Crap.

Double crap.

Puck hated being criticized (who didn't), but he was not going to win Rachel's trust by being mean to her.

Rachel's bottom lip quivered slightly, but she held herself together.

"I'm sorr…" Puck started to apologize, but Rachel just held her hand up to silence him. She turned on her heels and headed down the hallway.

Puck let her go.

He twisted around and let out some of his frustrations by giving a swift kick to one of the lockers.

He had blown it.

Rachel was more pissed at him than she was before.

Puck was going to have to regroup, come up with a different plan of attack…

"Excuse me?"

Puck's thoughts were interrupted by a timid voice belonging to a youngish looking girl holding a box of some sort.

"What?" Puck snapped.

The girl looked like she'd rather be anyplace else than standing near an agitated Puck.

"You're…uh…standing in front of my locker."

Puck took two steps to his left.

"Sorry."

The girl reached for her combination lock, and began spinning the dial. After three turns, she popped the locker open.

The girl noticed that Puck was still just standing there. "Hey, you wanna buy some candy?" she shook the box she was holding, "I'm doing a fundraiser for my journalism class. Only one dollar a bar."

Puck shrugged his shoulders, not saying yes but not saying no. He did feel a little bad about kicking her locker.

The girl rattled off a list of choices. Finally she said, "What kind do you want?"

Puck only half-listened because he was staring at the spot where Rachel had just walked away from.

The girl tried one more time, "So…what kind?"

Not thinking clearly, Puck said in a pathetic tone, "Puckleberry."

The girl was confused, "Huh?"

"Nothing," Puck mumbled as he headed to class, "It's just my favorite flavor."


	3. Chapter 3

_***I apologize for my Spanish in advance. It's been several years since I've taken it, so I'm a bit rusty****_

Puck was done being a sissy crybaby.

For the past few weeks, all he had thought about was Rachel Berry.

He would stay up at night and think, "I wonder if Rachel's with Jesse right now. I wonder if they're on Rachel's bed and if Rachel is actually letting him get to second base. What if she lets him go even further…?"

Puck was comforted by the thought that Rachel was not an easy girl to get to put out (how was Puck supposed to know that she was turned off by nipple rings).

Popping twice the recommended dose of Ambien had cured the insomnia, but, as his rabbi would say, Puck was only treating the symptom of an even bigger problem.

First, Puck had to figure out why he cared so much.

Theory 1: Rachel was hot

Puck acknowledged that Rachel's ethnic nose spoke to his Jewish heritage in a way that no other girls' nose had before. However, this did not explain why Puck got depressed seeing her walk by with another guy.

After all, Rachel Berry was just one fish in a sea of babes, and Puck was the ultimate sex shark.

With one forceful chomp of his jaws, the Puckster could attract a whole damn school of lady bait.

But, Puck wasn't interested in wooing a new girl. Practically every girl in school knew that he was the father of Quinn's baby. Even if he found a girl who wasn't aware, he could just imagine the conversation on their first date, "Yeah, I'm gonna be a daddy, and the girl I happened to knock up lives with me, but don't worry because we're just good friends and she's giving the kid up for adoption."

Somehow, Puck just didn't see that going over well.

Theory 2: Jesse was a snake (fox, weasel, rodent, worm or any other sneaky and disgusting creature).

Puck got annoyed every time he thought back to the first day that Jesse had slithered his way into glee club and declared himself "a star" while Rachel stared adoringly at him.

That scene was enough to make anybody sick or act crazy.

Theory 3: Puck cared about glee club

Although he had joined as a way to get close to Quinn, Puck was secure enough to admit now that he actually liked being a part of the group.

For starters, the choir room was a great place to nap when it was empty.

Glee also gave Puck a chance to play his guitar at school, which was pretty sweet.

Puck also liked that he was improving his dance skills while keeping in shape at the same time. His guns should now be classified as bazookas; that's how badass they were.

Lastly, Puck didn't feel as angry when he was singing. Having to follow 's ridiculous assignments forced him to pay attention to things like style and lyrics instead of things like planning the next great "Nerd Wedgie Ambush Day" (or what Puck affectionately liked to call a Tuesday).

After a lot of soul searching, and a full bag of chips with dip, Puck finally decided that his jealous response was a combination of all three theories.

Bottom line: Rachel was indeed hot, Jesse was in fact a snake, and Glee club would be better off without that interloper there.

Now that Puck had figured it out, he could stop whining about his massive suckitude over the past few weeks.

Instead, Puck was going to become a man of action and not just reaction.

Since his plan to woo Rachel Berry into a relationship had worked so well, Puck was going to give a new operation a try.

Operation _Get Jesse the Hell Out of My_ _Face_ had already commenced (GJHOMF for short).

A couple nights ago, Puck had come up with a brilliant plan while watching a rerun of _CSI_. This episode in particular had some scenes about forgery.

Puck had previously dabbled in the art of forgery (his mother hadn't had the chance to sign one of his failing report cards in years).

In order for his plan to work, Puck first had to get a sample of Jesse's handwriting.

This task was easier than it sounded since every student in glee had Spanish with Mr. Schu (even though it sometimes seemed like they weren't all in class at the same time).

Puck waited for the right moment.

When Mr. Schu was calling on people to name animals in Spanish, Puck leaned over to Jesse and whispered, "Dude, let me borrow your notes from last week."

Jesse kept his eyes on the front of the room but whispered back, "You were in class last week. You should have your own notes."

"I should, but I don't."

Jesse rolled his eyes.

"Hey man, I was distracted last week. My…uh…mom had to go to the hospital to get her lady surgery done, and all I could think was 'there goes my chance for having a baby brother.' Needless to say, I was a bit crushed and couldn't really focus."

Not the best excuse, but Puck wanted to discourage Jesse from asking any questions.

"Fine," Jesse said while sliding a few papers out of his folder, "Just get these back to me ASAP."

Puck wondered what kind of person still used the term _ASAP_. Oh, that's right, _a douche_.

Keeping that particular thought to himself, Puck grabbed the papers and mumbled a quick thank you.

Puck's voice finally drew Mr. Schu's attention, "Well gentlemen, since you seem so keen on talking, why don't you name an animal for me. Jesse, you can go first."

"No hay problema. Mi animal favorito es mi gato."

"¿Cuál es el nombre de su gato?"

"Señor Meow."

"Bueno."

Smug bastard.

"Y tú, Puck?"

Puck hadn't really been paying attention, so he had no idea what anyone else had said. Puck blurted out the first thing to come to mind, "Uh, doggito Mr. Schu."

The whole class laughed while Mr. Schu sighed and said, "No, la palabra en español es el perro."

Puck defended his choice, "Well, it should be doggito because that sounds like burrito which is totally a Spanish thing."

Mr. Schu just pointed to the door, and Puck took the hint. He grabbed his stuff and headed to the office. He had been there so many times after being sent from so many different classes that he could probably get there blindfolded while hopping on one foot. This particular trip was approximately fifty-three steps.

Whatever.

Puck had gotten what he needed.

That night, Puck practiced writing like Jesse. He found a pen with the same color ink as the one Jesse had used to write his notes.

After drafting several copies of his letter, Puck sat back to admire his work. If this didn't convince Rachel of Jesse's deceit, nothing would.

_The next day...._

This was it.

Operation GJHOMF was about to go down.

From their brief stint of dating, Puck knew that Rachel liked to spend Thursday mornings before class holed up in a secluded corner of the library.

Puck smirked when he thought of the few times he had actually gotten Rachel to make out with him in that corner…

Puck pushed the image out of his brain and walked past the circulation desk.

He noted that the old librarian had earphones on and was using a walkman to listen to a cassette filled with MC Hammer's greatest hits.

How peculiar…

Puck approached Rachel's table. Her head was bent over a stack of books, and she was scribbling furiously on a notepad.

"Hey Rach. Whatcha doing?"

Rachel's head shot up, and she looked flustered.

"Noah, this is a surprise. I'm just catching up on some work."

Puck took a seat across from Rachel at the small table.

"So, where's your Siamese twin? I thought you two did everything together now. I mean honestly, I've never seen two people try and drink from a water fountain at the same time. That cannot be sanitary."

Puck didn't like the way a blush was suddenly splashed on Rachel's cheeks.

"He's on a trip with some of his friends from _Vocal Adrenaline_. He'll be back on Monday."

Time for Puck to try out his acting chops.

His first objective was to plant a seed.

A seed of doubt (not the other kind of seed that he used on Quinn. Puck could definitely not handle being the daddy to another kid right now).

"Don't you think it's kind of strange that he's still hanging around those guys from his old club. What if they try and pump him for information about us?"

Rachel put her pencil down and spoke carefully, "Jesse's not like that. He would never divulge anything."

Puck wagged his eyebrows suggestively, "Oh so you're saying that he's good at keeping secrets."

Rachel shrugged.

Puck pressed on, "Being secretive is not necessarily a good trait. Maybe he's not with his friends right now. Maybe he's an alcoholic who's passed out in an alley somewhere after going on a terrible bender."

Rachel glared at him. "That is highly unlikely. For starters, I just saw him yesterday and I talked to him on the phone this morning. Both times he sounded fine."

"Of course he sounded fine on the phone. His burning throat had been cooled with the sweet taste of hops and barley. His undeniable thirst had been quenched by his lady mistress who shall henceforth be known as alcohol."

Rachel forced back a laugh because Puck would never stop if she encouraged him even the tiniest bit. Instead, she simply said, "Listen Noah, Jesse doesn't even like spirits. The last time we went to a restaurant he ordered a Shirley Temple with extra cherries. I bet you I've consumed more alcohol in my lifetime than he has."

Puck had been there when Rachel had had her first taste of hooch. Puck knew one thing for sure, Rachel was not quite Rachel when she was drunk.

"You been drinking without me Berry?" Puck wondered.

Rachel reached across the table and smacked Puck gently on the forearm. "No," she said, "I can't believe I forgot that you got my drunk. My hangover was so awful the next day. I felt like jackhammers were going off in my brain."

Oops, Puck had glossed over that part in his mind. "At least I helped you cover with your dads. They never even suspected what we did" (plus he had acted like a gentleman and turned Rachel down even though she had practically thrown herself at him. Now was probably not the best time to bring that up either).

Rachel's eyes lit up with mirth, "That's right, you did help me with a cover-up. That means that you're the secretive one. Plus, I remember when we were dating how you would always try and sneak off to your little fight club meetings…"

"Rachel!" Puck exclaimed, "What is the one rule I told you not to break?"

"Don't talk about fight club," she mumbled.

Rachel was saved any further embarrassment when the bell rang, signaling that students had five minutes to get to their first class.

Puck had almost forgotten the whole reason he was in the library in the first place. He quickly reached into his bag.

"Hey Rachel, can you do me a favor? Can you give these notes back to Jesse?"

Puck answered the question that was in Rachel's eyes, "I borrowed them yesterday with the intent to copy them down. Last night, I was all set to start but then my pencil broke. I searched for many seconds, but I couldn't find a sharpener. And then, biggest mistake of all, I turned the TV on and it just happened to go straight to the swimsuit channel. I sat down to watch for a little while, but when I looked at my watch, four hours had passed."

Rachel just shook her head at his excuses, "So what you're saying is that a malfunction of your writing implement and what passes for poorly disguised pornographic programs on television led to a bad case of procrastination causing you to be unable to reproduce Jesse's meticulously created notes from class?"

Puck ran all that gobbledygook through the Rachel speech translator he had developed in his brain for just these occasions.

Taking into account Rachel's tone of voice and her chastising look, Puck figured out what she was trying to say.

In short, Rachel thought Puck was lazy.

Message received.

"Just take the notes," Puck said pushing them towards Rachel.

Rachel looked down at them, "Jesse won't be back for a few days. You still have plenty of time to use them if you want."

Puck leaned over the table and flashed Rachel his winsome smile, "We both know I'm not gonna get it done. I have better things to do with my time."

"Like walk your…hmmm how exactly did you phrase it…I remember…walk your doggito."

Puck laughed. He liked when Rachel's sense of humor came out.

He played along, "It's a dirty job, but somebody's gotta do it. Plus, I think my little sister is sneaking him extra food because that dog is getting fattt. I have to walk him twice as much to try and get the weight off."

"You're a god among men Noah," Rachel replied sarcastically.

Puck winked as he slung his backpack over one shoulder, "Don't you forget it. I'll see you at practice later."

"Bye," Rachel said as she watched him leave.

Rachel placed all of her books neatly in her backpack.

She glanced at the table and saw that Jesse's notes were still scattered in a messy heap.

Rachel grabbed the pile and tapped it on the table a few times so that the pages would be precisely aligned.

On the third tap, a folded piece of paper fell from the stack.

Rachel bent down to retrieve it.

Rachel saw writing scrawled on the front. On closer inspection, she saw that this was a piece of white stationary with a border of musical notes.

Rachel stood back up, clutching the paper in her hand.

The word on the front of the note read _**Shelby.**_

Rachel's heart began to beat a little faster.

She knew that handwriting. It was definitely Jesse's.

The only Shelby that Rachel could think of was the coach of _Vocal Adrenaline_.

Why would Jesse be writing to Shelby?

It's probably just a coincidence, Rachel thought.

There are dozens of people named Shelby. Maybe Jesse was writing to a friend, or a cousin, or his tailor.

Only one way to know for sure, Rachel reasoned.

She sank down into her chair. At this particular moment, she didn't even really care if she was late to class.

Rachel knew Jesse. He was a good guy who could never hurt her. Therefore, she had nothing to be afraid of. Right?

Having made up her mind, Rachel leaned back, opened the folded note, and began to read…

_Shelby, _

_I'm writing this note to keep a low profile, just like you asked. Things are going great on my end. I've got this Rachel Berry girl eating out of the palm of my hand. She actually thinks that I have real feelings for her. How naïve! I've basically learned all the tricks this glee club has to offer (thankfully there aren't many). I can't wait until I transfer back to VA right before Regionals. Too bad I won't be here to see the looks of shock when these pitiful losers learn what we have in store for them. They think they've entered a mere competition, but it will be a bloodbath of epic proportions. I'll continue to keep in touch, and I'll see you at the next secret practice._

_Your Shining Star,_

_Jesse_

When finished reading, Rachel folded the note back up and placed it on the table. Rachel immediately registered the presence of several different emotions: shock, anger, betrayal, sadness.

Rachel wasn't sure what she was going to do with the information she had just learned.

Should she even give Jesse a chance to explain before she annihilated him?

Decisions, decisions.

One thing was for sure though, Rachel was glad she was in her secluded corner spot in the library.

Perhaps here, no one would see her cry.


	4. Chapter 4

Puck spotted Rachel in the hallway.

She looked like hell. Her hair was pulled back into a messy French braid. Her clothes were rumpled, as if she had slept in them, and she was moving at an incredibly slow pace.

Puck felt like an ass.

There was no doubt in his mind that Rachel had found the note he had forged in Jesse's handwriting.

Puck reminded himself that Rachel's momentary discomfort was for the greater overall good.

Once _New Directions_ had won Regionals, Puck was willing to bet that Rachel would forget all about Jesse St. SucksaLot.

In the meantime, Puck could help Rachel by providing a heavily muscled shoulder for her to cry on.

Puck figured that Rachel could use that shoulder right about now.

As he walked down the hall, Puck heard a faint voice whisper, "You're a bad person."

Puck looked around, but didn't see anyone saying that.

He took a few more steps, and then he heard the whisper again, "You suck."

Still, Puck could see no one.

Puck registered his feelings of guilt about the Rachel situation and thought of an explanation for the voice.

"Go away conscience," he muttered, "I thought I got rid of you in fourth grade when I set the neighbors' mailbox on fire."

"Over here dummy. To your left," the voice said again.

What the heck, Puck wondered.

He turned to his left, and all he saw was a row of lockers.

Something about these particular lockers seemed to jog Puck's memory…

Puck snapped his fingers. He had it.

He went over to locker number 43 and jimmied it open.

Jacob, the curly haired nerd who worked on the paper and had a blog, jumped out.

He shook his arms and legs to try and regain some of the lost feeling.

"Sorry man," Puck muttered. "I meant to let everybody out on schedule, but I've been distracted."

As Puck spoke, he kept his eyes focused on Rachel's movements.

Jacob noticed who Puck was staring at.

"Longing for a lost love?" Jacob asked. "In case you're interested, I made an online poll when you two were dating, and 64% of the student population felt that you and Rachel were just too different to make a relationship last longer than six weeks.

Ha, Puck thought. He and Rachel had dated for close to two months. Eat that losers.

Even though he didn't want to admit it, he was curious about the rest of the poll results.

"What did the rest of the school think?" Puck spit out before he thought better of it.

"Well, 27% thought that you, Rachel, Finn, and Quinn had some kind of kinky sex game going on, 5% thought you were having a mental breakdown, and 4% guessed that Rachel was enough of a fame whore that she was going to compete with Kate Gosselin by getting pregnant with your septuplets."

That's stupid, Puck thought. Rachel would have to get pregnant with at least nine babies because otherwise the Octomom would still win. Duh.

Puck poked a finger into Jacob's shoulder, "Those polls are dumb. I don't want you to make anymore that concern me."

Jacob pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, "Don't worry. You're old news. A newly circulating poll shows that 78% of students think that Jesse St. James is super hunky and a good candidate to be Rachel's soul-mate. The majority of the student body also thinks that Rachel is ready to 'give it up to him' if you know what I'm saying."

Unfortunately, Puck knew exactly what this dweeb was talking about.

"Too bad you let her get away, huh," Jacob said while nudging Puck with his elbow. "I mean, her dumping you was a serious blow to your coolness quotient. 45 % of the junior class feels that you are starting to lose your mojo."

Puck looked down in shock. He had a strict no touching rule. Plus, Puck just remembered that Jacob had called him a dummy. This kid was asking for trouble.

Sensing that Puck was getting ready to make a special trip to the dumpster, Jacob dove for the still open locker, positioned himself inside, and then closed the door. It was safer in there.

Puck wrapped on the door. "One last question, what percentage of geeks is likely to survive a hand-to-hand fight with me in the parking lot after school?"

A slight pause and then a muffled voice, "0 percent."

Puck nodded, "That's right. There's a statistic I wouldn't mind you spreading around."

"Roger that," Jacob said.

Realizing he had more important things to attend to, Puck moved away from the locker.

Puck would let the kid out, eventually.

Puck watched as Rachel rounded the corner on the way to her English class. Puck hustled to catch up.

"Hold up a second Rachel," he said.

Rachel stopped in her tracks and turned around, "Is there something you needed?" she asked in a small voice.

"No. I just wanted to ask if you're okay. You seem a little…out of it today."

Way to go Puck. Keep it nice and casual. Let her come to you.

"Are you saying I look like crap Noah?"

Whoa. Puck couldn't tell if she was teasing or not. He decided to try and be honest with her.

"You do kinda look like crap."

Well that was a dumbass move. Maybe he could still save it.

"It's just that you usually look more put together, that's all. Are you sick or something?"

Nice recovery.

Rachel sighed and ran a hand through her disheveled hair. "I'm not sick, I just had a rough weekend."

"That sucks. Do you want to talk about it?" Puck prodded.

"Not really," Rachel said.

"Come on, I'm a really good listener."

Rachel raised her eyebrows as if to say, yeah right.

"I am," Puck insisted. "I know your favorite slushie flavor, I know your favorite color, and I know your favorite Britney Spears' song. If that doesn't win me some kind of listening award, well then I demand a recount."

Puck was pleased to see that his little speech had coaxed a tiny smile out of Rachel.

"Okay. I spent most of the weekend being upset because I found out some things about Jesse that I didn't like."

"Like what?" Puck asked her.

"Like the fact that he's a liar," Rachel confessed. "Like the fact that he's a traitor and he used me to get what he wanted. I can't believe how stupid I was to think that a guy as talented as that could actually fall for me. I should have realized that he had nefarious purposes."

Puck should have been ecstatic that Rachel had fallen for his trick. Oddly enough, he wasn't.

"What are you going to do now?" Puck needed to know the answer to this question.

"Well, I already dumped him through three forms of electronic communication. I sent him a text saying it was over, I unfriended him on Facebook, and I blocked his number on my phone. In high school terms, he might as well be dead to me."

"Impressive," Puck observed. At least Rachel had had the decency to dump him face-to-face. Although he wasn't on vacation at the time like Jesse was…

"During practice today, I'm also going to inform Mr. Schuester that there is a spy in our midst. We may even have to change our numbers for Regionals, since we don't know what has already been leaked to _Vocal Adrenaline_."

Puck noticed that Rachel's eyes were getting a little watery. "I'm so sorry I let the team down," she said in a quivery voice.

Rachel definitely needed that hug now.

Puck reached his arms toward her, and Rachel leaned forward. Puck was just about pull her body close to his when he heard someone behind him say:

"Rachel, what the hell happened? I have been trying to get in touch with you all weekend but you didn't answer my calls. All you did was send me a vague text saying that we were through. And, as if that weren't already bad enough, you pour salt in the wound by _unfriending_ me on Facebook. Do you have any idea how humiliated I feel? I have family on Facebook. My grandma sent me a condolence e-card because she saw that I had been dumped."

Rachel squared her shoulders, and prepared to fight.

Puck was thinking that this was a good time to make a quick getaway.

"Don't pretend you don't know what this is about Jesse. I broke up with you because I found out about the type of person that you really are."

"A lovable misfit with pitch-perfect range and dance moves to back it up?" Jesse joked.

Rachel was not laughing. "No. I found out that you were a liar who has been sneaking behind my back."

"What am I lying about?" Jesse wanted to know.

"I know you were sent here to spy on our group and then report back to your old team."

Puck got nervous as he watched a confused look spread across Jesse's face.

Puck had been hoping that Jesse would confess to being a spy once confronted by Rachel.

Crap. What if Jesse transferring to this school really was on the up and up?

If that were the case, Rachel was gonna hate Puck for the rest of his life.

Puck tried to look on the bright side, maybe Rachel wouldn't find out.

"Before you defend yourself any further, I want you to know that I have proof of your misdeeds Jesse," Rachel stated.

Well this was great. Puck was sure now that there was no way he was going to survive this unscathed.

"What proof?"

Rachel dug into her backpack and retrieved a piece of paper that Puck had seen before.

She brandished the paper in front of Jesse's face.

"I found the letter you wrote to Shelby telling her that everything was going according to plan."

Jesse snatched the paper from Rachel's hand and scanned it quickly with his eyes.

"Rachel, I swear to God that I did not write this."

"Yeah right," Rachel scoffed, "the letter is in your handwriting."

"It looks like my writing," Jesse admitted, "but I didn't write it."

If nothing else, Puck could look forward to a career of forging things (wait, that career path would most likely lead to a hefty jail sentence...unless he bribed the judge...)

Jesse looked at the letter again. "Why would I write about going to a secret meeting if I was trying to keep it a secret? I would have used code words that a passing observer would have been unable to interpret."

Puck opened his mouth to explain his reasoning, but then he shut it quickly. He had never confessed to a crime before, and he wasn't about to start now. Guilty until proven innocent was his motto.

Rachel shrugged her shoulders. "All I know is that I found this letter in the stack of Spanish notes that Puck told me to give to you."

"Ah-ha," Jesse said in a way that freaked Puck out, "I think I'm beginning to understand now."

"Did you know," Jesse said casually, "that I spent a summer two years ago studying forensic science techniques at camp?"

"Fascinating." Puck faked a yawn of disinterest, "Did you get to be a Counselor-in-Training because of your advanced age at baby camp?"

"I wish. Anyways," Jesse continued, "I took the workshop because I was planning to audition for a role in the TV pilot entitled 'Teen Detective Squad.' It was basically a show about teens who solve crimes, I'm surprised it never got picked up. Anyways, we did a few workshops about fingerprinting and forgeries."

"Can you wrap this up? The nurse is expecting me for first period…" Puck tried to speed the conversation along. He could already smell the burning tar and feathers that were coming his way.

"Okay, I'll be quick."

Jesse held the letter out to Rachel and said, "Rachel, do you see where the ink is darker in some spots, especially where some letters connect to other letters?"

"I guess," Rachel said.

"In camp, we learned that these pools of ink can indicate moments of hesitation or uncertainty. Even the best forger can sometimes leave traces like this behind because they hesitate for a second while they try to make a copy. I bet if I wrote this exact same letter out now, you would see some of the subtle differences that I have noted."

Rachel took a moment to think. "Are you really trying to convince me that someone else wrote this letter? Who would do such a heinous deed?"

"Hmm," Jesse paced for a few steps, "Let's examine the evidence shall we?"

Puck rolled his eyes. This dude was taking the whole teen detective thing way too seriously.

Jesse continued. "You find the letter in a set of notes that _I_, your current boyfriend, happened to give to _Puck_, the guy who used to be your boyfriend."

Puck tried to put on his best whatever face. He didn't care. He was so unaffected he was freakin' Teflon.

Jesse got a little closer to Puck, and his voice rose higher.

"During my testimony, I swore on the honor of this court that I did not write the letter, that I did not see the letter until this very moment, and that the content of the letter contains phrasing that I personally would never use."

Puck had watched cop shows all his life. Two could play at this game.

"Why should Rachel listen to anything you say? You're a ... whatdoyoucallit … a … racist…no…a bassist…that's something else…I've got it…you're a biased witness."

Jesse was excited, he reveled at the thought of being challenged. "Au contraire, my delinquent friend. As an American citizen, I have the right to waive legal counsel and represent myself in a court of law."

Puck whispered, "Relax dude because seriously, we're in a hallway right now. This isn't mock trial."

"Fine," Jesse said as he dropped the act (he had class to get to after all). "Just admit that you forged the note and I'll be on my way."

Before Puck could protest, Jesse ticked the following points off on his fingers, "I know I didn't write the stupid thing. You borrowed my notes and Rachel found the letter in my notes. The handwriting was questionable, and I know that you don't like me and want me out of your school and Rachel's life. Besides, even if I was a spy, I would have never gotten caught by doing something so stupid. Even the greenest teen detective knows how to destroy evidence through fire or by swallowing it. This case seems pretty clear to me. The defense rests."

Rachel chose this moment to speak up, "Is this true Noah? Did you forge the letter?"

Puck tried not to stare into Rachel's face. He felt like he had kicked her puppy or even worse, like he had accidentally left fingerprint smudges on one of her competition trophies (true story, Puck had actually done that and Rachel had made him spend three hours cleaning them off).

"Yeah, I did it. It was me."

Rachel adopted a hurt look, "I'm not sure I even want to hear the answer, but why? Why would you do something like that?"

Puck let out an exasperated sigh, "Because I don't trust this guy. You meet him, and then like two seconds later, he shows up at our school and announces that he wants to be with you so badly that he is willing to leave his glee club just weeks before Regionals. Yeah right. I think he's up to something."

Rachel got angry. "Don't you think I've asked myself that question a dozen times? Why would a sweet and talented guy change his whole life for me? You don't think I'm worth it, right Noah? I'm just Rachel, the girl who makes a great slushie target."

"Hold on…" Puck started to say, but Rachel wasn't done yet.

"I may not have been your first choice, or Finn's for that matter. But guess what? Jesse is my first choice."

This was totally not going the way Puck had expected it to.

"I'm sorry," he sputtered.

Rachel shook her head, "Not good enough. You never change Noah. I thought you had when we were together, but I was wrong. You're always going to be the mean punk who bullies people around. I have to give you credit though. Your scheme did work in one regard."

Puck shot her a questioning look.

"You set out to find a traitor, and you did. That traitor is you. From now on, I want you to just leave me and Jesse alone."

Rachel left before Puck could even begin to comprehend the words she had spat at him.

_**Clap…Clap…Clap**_

Oh hell no, Jesse was giving Puck the golf clap.

"Congratulations tough guy. I give your plan an 'A' for effort but an 'F' for execution."

Puck gritted his teeth, "Rachel may still think you're a decent guy, but I know better. I'm going to prove what a liar you really are, and it's going to happen soon."

"Ooh I'm shaking in my designer boots. I may have to have Rachel hug me extra tight tonight just so that I can go to sleep."

Puck clenched his fists tight and repeated the mantra that the guidance counselor had once told him to help in situations like these: _I am not going to punch anyone today, I am not going to punch anyone today._

Okay that was a little better, Puck released some of the tension out of his grip.

Jesse couldn't resist getting in one last parting shot, so he deepened his voice, "Now that a guilty verdict has been rendered, it is time for sentencing. I sentence you to ten years of loneliness without the chance of parole for committing the egregious act of letting Rachel Berry get away."

With that, Jesse strolled on down the hall.

Puck heard a distant bell sound over his head.

Puck didn't know where he was supposed to be, but it definitely wasn't standing in the middle of an almost empty hallway.

Puck started walking.

As he turned the nearest corner, Puck again heard a small voice whispering, "You're a bad person."

Since this wasn't the usual dumping grounds for nerds in lockers. Puck knew it could only be one thing.

It was his conscience.

Imagine that.

He did have one after-all.

All it took was irreparably damaging his relationship with Rachel, and perhaps the glee club, forever for it to come out.

Damn.

He should have stayed home today.


	5. Chapter 5

Puck approached the choir room with some trepidation.

After reflecting on his conversation with Rachel the other day, he had finally taken matters into his own hands last night.

Rachel had called him a thug and a bully. She had said that he was incapable of changing for the better. Well, he was about to show her that she was wrong.

Puck took a deep breath to calm his nerves. No matter what reactions he got, Puck wasn't going to let the other glee kids see him sweat.

Puck heard Mr. Schuester speaking as he opened the door.

"I appreciate how hard you all have been working these past few weeks, but we need to keep our energy level up…Puck, so glad you could join us…nice haircut."

Crap. Puck was hoping that he could sneak in somewhat unnoticed. Now all the kids were staring at his hair; or lack of hair as the case may be.

Everyone's mouths were literally hanging open. In another context, this sight would make Puck chuckle as he came up with half a dozen oral sex jokes in his head. Now, unfortunately, Puck just wasn't up to it (that's what she said…okay maybe he did have a couple in him).

"What the heck happened man?" Finn asked the question that the whole club was thinking. "Did your sister put gum in your hair or something? I know from experience that that peanut butter trick does not work."

Kurt piped up, "I read in a fashion magazine that ice can be effective in removing gum…but I think that only applies to clothes. The article also mentioned that the application of vegetable oil to the hair gets sticky stuff out. I personally use a hot oil treatment twice a week to maintain the lustrous shine I get on my locks."

Puck tried to act nonchalant. "Nah, it wasn't gum."

"Are you being sent to military school?" Mercedes wondered. "I had a cousin show up one day with a shaved head and a parole officer, and he told me that his parents were sending him away. I guess he jacked one too many car stereos from his neighborhood."

"Nope, not going to military school."

"Did your head get too hot?" Brittany asked in a lazy tone. "When my head gets hot, I usually just pour water on it, stand in front of a fan, or spin in a circle really fast until I get dizzy and pass out. By the time I wake up, I don't feel hot anymore…just confused."

Puck ran a hand over the fuzz on his head. He had to admit that his whole body did feel a lot cooler now. But, that wasn't the reason he had done it.

"Um, no" Puck said in answer to Brittany's question. "I just felt like it was time for a _change_."

Puck emphasized the word "change" for Rachel's benefit. He snuck a peak over at her to see what her reaction was.

Rachel had her arms folded across her chest. She didn't seem all that impressed by Puck's new look, but Puck hadn't been expecting her to thaw to him overnight.

Quinn did a poor job of stifling back a giggle, "Is this why you asked your mom what hairdresser she went to at dinner the other night? I was wondering why you would even care. I can't believe you let Mrs. Goldstein get rid of your mohawk."

Whatever. Mrs. Goldstein was a lovely lady, and Puck wasn't about to apologize for going to see her. When she had shampooed his hair, Puck thought she had the smooth fingers of a woman half her age. Besides, age was nothing but a number.

Puck narrowed his eyes. "You know that bacon cheeseburger I was gonna buy you after school? Well you can forget about it now."

Quinn patted her round stomach, "Dammit," she muttered, "I wanted that bacon."

Puck was going to buy it for her anyways (but she didn't need to know that right now).

"As fascinating as the talk about Puck's follicles is, we need to get back to rehearsing our numbers," Mr. Schuester said.

"Thank you, Mr. Schu," Rachel responded. "Who cares about a stupid haircut when we have work to do."

Ouch. That had stung.

Rachel charged to the front of the room and started blathering about how the group was failing to follow the dynamic changes marked on several pages of the sheet music.

Puck tried to listen as he settled into a chair beside Matt. He noticed that the seat next to Rachel's was surprisingly empty.

Puck nudged Matt, "Where's Jesse?"

"He went home sick this morning. Rachel said that he probably won't be back to school until next week" Matt whispered back.

Puck leaned back in his chair.

Hmmm, this was interesting. Puck didn't think that cockroaches like Jesse ever got sick.

Puck sat throughout the whole practice trying to think of ways to prove that Jesse wasn't who he said he was. As of right now, Puck was only going on gut instinct…and his gut instinct could fluctuate depending on what was being served in the cafeteria for lunch on a certain day.

After they had practiced their last song, Mr. Schu clapped his hands together emphatically, "Way to go guys! You nailed that last number. Rest your voices tonight, and I will see you tomorrow."

Mr. Schu grabbed his bag and left the choir room. The glee kids began to gather their belongings.

Puck stayed put because he was hoping to catch a minute alone with Rachel (she always stayed later at practice than everyone else. She used the time to work on some solos without being distracted by those with less talent than her).

As Puck sat, he was once again subject to the scrutiny of the glee members as they paraded past.

"I for one like the new do, Puck, "Kurt said, "It really makes your eyes pop."

Finn punched him on the shoulder, "At least you didn't have some hideous mole or birthmark hidden underneath your hair. Although, that might have detracted from having to look at your ugly mug."

"I don't know what you were thinking," Santana said, "Your mohawk was the only reason that the geeks at this school were afraid of you. Now you look as menacing as a shorn lamb. No cheerleader is ever going to want to hook up with you again."

Puck shrugged. No great loss there.

Artie rolled up. "For what it's worth, I still think you look terrifying. If I were you, I would explain my new look by snarling at people and telling them that I was so menacing that my hair actually ran away from my face."

Puck must have made a face because Artie got a little flustered and said, "Yeah, that snarl will work. I'm gonna leave now…in my wheelchair…because I'm paralyzed…in short, don't hurt me. I've suffered enough."

Artie whispered to Tina, "Get me outta here."

Tina nodded. She grabbed the back of Artie's chair and rolled him quickly through the door.

Soon enough, Puck was left alone with Rachel.

Rachel shuffled through some sheet music, and tried to ignore him. When a minute passed and Puck still hadn't moved, Rachel said loudly, "Practice is over, you can leave at any time."

Puck moved a few feet closer. "I know it's over. I wanted to talk to you."

"Well, I'm a little busy right now, and I have nothing to say."

Puck put on the most pathetic face he could muster. In order to get into the right mood, Puck thought of the worst things that could happen to him: his mom leaving like his dad did, his sister getting sick, or the store running out of his favorite dip (sour cream and chive).

Okay, he was depressed as hell.

Perfect.

"Listen Rachel, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I shouldn't have written that letter in Jesse's handwriting. It was a stupid thing to do, and believe me, I know stupid."

Rachel didn't look up, but she stopped shuffling the papers so Puck knew that she was at least listening.

"When Jesse joined the team, I guess I just panicked. I'm gonna tell you something right now, but if you tell anyone else I will just deny it."

Rachel's head finally popped up. Puck had her full attention.

Puck let out a big breath. Okay here goes, he thought.

"This whole Regionals thing is really important to me," Puck confessed.

Rachel dropped her papers and inched towards Puck. "Regionals is important to all of us. If we don't win, Principal Figgins will probably try to break up the club."

"That's not why I want us to do well," Puck tried to explain. "I like the club and I hope we stay together, but I want to win Regionals for a more personal reason."

Puck hesitated; maybe he didn't want to do this after-all.

Rachel put her hand on Puck's arm and urged him continue.

Puck looked at her hand and gathered his courage.

"I know I act all tough on the outside," Puck started, "but the truth is that I've been called a loser a lot in my life. My dad didn't want me around, my mom is disappointed that I don't get better grades, and Quinn didn't think I was father material. I try not to let that stuff bother me, but it kinda does. I've been doing some thinking lately, and I realized that I don't want to be a loser for the rest of my life. I want to be better than that…" Puck trailed off.

Rachel took her hand away, but stayed close. "So what you're saying is that you think of winning Regionals as a personal triumph? If we win, then somehow that acts as a reflection of you?"

"I guess so. All I know is that Quinn is putting our daughter up for adoption, and one day that kid might try to find her real dad. If she ever does find me, I want to be able to tell her about some of the good things I've accomplished or whatever."

"You want her to be proud of you?" Rachel asked.

Puck laughed self-consciously. "Lame, huh?"

Rachel shook her head, "No that makes perfect sense. For what it's worth Noah, the glee club is lucky to have you and your great musicianship."

"Thanks," Puck said, and he really meant it. Rachel was an easy person to talk when she wasn't biting your head off.

"I've seen real growth in your level of maturity since we first met," Rachel told Puck.

"How so?"

"Well, I haven't had to wash slushie out of my hair for months," Rachel noted.

Puck grinned sheepishly; he was never going to live that down.

"You've performed solos in front of the group; something you would have never done before."

True, Puck thought.

"And, I'm pretty sure I saw you hand in an assignment on time last week."

"Nope," Puck tried to deny it. "That was my evil, identical twin. His name is Chuck, and he's kind of a nerd. If you see him turn in another homework assignment, it's best just to look the other way."

"Okay," Rachel laughed.

Puck joined in. "I thought you were never gonna talk to me again."

Rachel's laughter abruptly stopped and Puck cringed. Why did he have to remind her that she was mad at him in the first place.

"Wait a second," Rachel said, "You still haven't explained why you framed Jesse. I know you said that you want to win Regionals, but having him on the team only increases our chances."

"In theory yes," Puck agreed. "However, I just don't trust the dude. It's too much of a coincidence that he happened to show up right before the competition."

"He already explained why he was here…"

"Yeah, and I just don't buy it. I think that the coach of Vocal Adrenaline was worried that we might win, so she sent someone here to scope out our group and learn our routines."

Rachel tried to dismiss the idea. "I don't think that's what you're worried about. I think you're mad that I have a new boyfriend. Just answer this one question, are you jealous?"

Yes, Puck thought.

"No," Puck answered.

"Think about it Rachel. What would happen to us if Jesse bailed right before Regionals? I'll tell you, we'd be screwed. He has some solo parts and he's included in the choreography. Doing some improv may have worked at Sectionals, but it's not gonna cut it now."

"Jesse's not going to bail on me," Rachel said with a false sense of security. "What's it going to take for you to get that?"

"Proof. I need physical evidence that Jesse is loyal to our club."

Rachel bit her lip, "Assuming I'd even be willing to help you, how are we supposed to do that?"

Puck snapped his fingers, he had a great idea. "Easy, we sneak into one of their practices. Let's see if Jesse is really sick like he says he is."

"No way," Rachel protested. "I can't spy with you, it's unethical."

"Ethics, smethics. We won't even pay attention to what numbers they're doing, we just want to see if Jesse is there."

"If you think I'm going to put on a black body suit and slink under the chairs of a dark theater with you, then you can forget it."

"A black body suit would be nice," Puck said as he scratched his chin and pictured the outfit. "I guess you could just wear a hat or something as a disguise though."

Puck looked at Rachel and could tell she was still unsure. There was one sure fire way Puck knew he could convince her, god help him…a Barbra Streisand reference.

"Hey look Rachel, if Barbra Streisand can dress like a dude for a whole movie, the least you can do is wear a hat and do some undercover work with me. Unless you think your acting skills just pale in comparison to your singing skills."

Rachel reacted. "First off, I'm impressed by your reference Noah, but we are not trying to break into a yeshiva."

Puck coughed. "Whatever. At least I remembered the movie. I guess some of the stuff you talked about when we were dating must have sunk in."

Rachel interrupted, "I wasn't finished. Secondly, how dare you. And thirdly, you know that I've been trained in the arts of singing, dancing, and the stage. I don't see any reason why I can't master the art of simulated espionage as well."

"Does that mean you'll do it?"

Please say yes, please say yes, Puck thought to himself.

"Fine, I'll spy with you, since the only thing it'll prove is that you were completely wrong. When we see with our own eyes that Jesse has nothing to hide, I'll be expecting your apology."

Puck stuck out his hand, "Deal. We'll meet up after school tomorrow."

Rachel reached out her own hand and shook his, "Agreed."

Puck was on cloud freakin nine. Rachel wouldn't be going with him tomorrow if she didn't have an inkling of doubt about Jesse herself.

Puck grabbed his bag and reached for his wallet to see if he had enough money to get Quinn's burger on the way home. Rachel headed for the door, but she paused for a moment seemingly debating with herself whether or not to say something.

Finally, Rachel just spit out, "By the way Noah, I like your hair. I think it suits you."

With that, Rachel was gone.

Puck couldn't help but smile.

Thank you Mrs. Goldstein.


	6. Chapter 6

"Noah, I'm not sure we should be doing this," Rachel said nervously as she watched Puck try to jimmy the handle of the door open.

"This is a crime," Rachel continued, "and I'm too unique and talented to go to jail!"

"Chicks," Puck muttered. It was just like a girl to agree to break the law with you, and then suddenly change her mind at the thought of a few iron bars and a prison jumpsuit.

Rachel adjusted her sunglasses and pulled the oversized sunhat she had on her head even lower to hide more of her face.

"Hurry up, Noah," she hissed, "_Vocal Adrenaline's_ practice will be over in fifteen minutes."

Puck jiggled the hairpin he had swiped from his mom's dresser even harder into the lock.

He could feel it starting to give.

"Keep your pants on Rachel. I'll be done in a minute."

Puck keep hear Rachel getting annoyed, but he couldn't resist adding, "On second thought, go ahead and take them off. We can always come back tomorrow," Puck said while grinning.

Rachel smacked him on the shoulder, _hard_, but it was so worth it for Puck to see the blush that was beginning to creep up on her cheeks.

Puck liked it when Rachel was a bit flustered.

"It's your fault we're late," Puck pointed out. "I can't believe you insisted on showing me five different disguises before we left."

Rachel tried to defend herself. "I was trying to find the perfect balance between being inconspicuous, but not suspiciously so." She pointed her index finger at Puck, "It also didn't help that you stopped for snacks on the way here."

Puck shrugged while continuing to work on the lock, "Sometimes I stress eat okay….and I did offer you a Yodel, but you refused to take it."

How anyone could resist the delicious call of a chocolaty Yodel was beyond Puck's comprehension, but back to the matter at hand.

"I try to avoid eating sugary snacks. I think we can all agree that I'm hyper enough as it is," Rachel said. "I still don't understand why you picked this entrance to try and get into the school instead of just sneaking into the auditorium door."

"We don't know who's in the auditorium," Puck reminded Rachel. "We could be spotted the second we walked in if we did it that way. Besides, there are cameras out there. This door has no cameras because it's where the cafeteria workers come to take their smoke breaks." Puck gestured to the litany of cigarette butts on the ground to back up his point.

"I doubt they'd be out here puffing away on the job if there was a chance they could get caught."

Rachel didn't respond because what Puck was saying did make sense.

She tried to wait patiently, but she saw the seconds on her watch continue to tick by….now there were only twelve minutes of practice left.

"I don't mean to be a nag Noah, but we're running out of time."

Puck was sweatin' now. He focused all the attention at the task at hand, and moved that hairpin back and forth furiously like his life depended on it. When Puck's hand began to go numb from all the motion, he finally felt the door give way completely.

Puck stood up with a triumphant gleam in his eye.

"See, I told you getting in was no biggie."

Rachel just rolled her eyes.

"Fine, it was harder than I thought," Puck admitted. "To be fair though, I only have experience at skipping out of school. This is the first time I've ever actually broken into one."

"Let's go," Rachel stated in an assertive tone.

Puck bowed at the waist and swept his hand towards the open doorway, "After you."

Unfortunately, Puck's attempt at being a gentleman had no effect on Rachel.

"Just so you know, Noah, if we get caught for this then I am so going to turn state's evidence against you in order to lighten my sentence."

Puck watched Rachel's back disappear past the door's threshold.

And they wonder why chivalry's dead, Puck thought as he hurried to catch up.

* * *

"Wow," Rachel whispered as she huddled close to Puck behind a seat in the back row of the auditorium.

Wow is right, Puck thought as he noticed that Rachel's ample chest was pressed up against his arm.

"I mean, look at those costumes," Rachel said in a breathy whisper.

Puck kept his eyes affixed to Rachel's frontal region. Puck had made her ditch the disguise since the floppy hat looked dumb inside. Rachel had tried to hold onto the sunglasses, but Puck said she had to let them go unless she wanted the character she was playing to be someone with glaucoma.

"Those dance moves are incredible," Rachel stated in both a tone of awe and unease.

Oh right, Puck was supposed to be watching the stage.

Regrettably, Puck tore his eyes away from where they were currently resting and forced himself to look forward.

On the stage, he saw at least twenty kids in bizarrely, bright costumes dancing like freakin' professionals.

Puck tried to remain calm for Rachel's sake.

"Come on, they're not that great. I'm not even sure what song they're singing…is it by that Gaga Dude?"

"It's Lady Gaga," Rachel corrected.

"Are you sure?" Puck asked. "_She_ looks like a _he_."

Rachel thought for a moment. "I'm like 75 percent sure. Anyways, it doesn't matter what song they're singing, they sound great."

"Puh-lease," Puck said. "The costumes they have on make them look like boobs."

Damn his one track mind.

"The costumes make them stand out. Plus, they move like a well-oiled machine," Rachel insisted.

"If that's the breast…I mean best…they can do, then I think we can easily take them."

Rachel wasn't convinced.

Puck moved away from her slightly so that he could focus on his words, and not on other things that might distract him.

Puck got serious for a minute. "You're the best singer I've ever heard Rachel. With you on our team, there's no way we can't win."

Rachel gave him a smile of appreciation.

"We can talk about this later," she decided. "Right now, the only thing we're supposed to be doing is checking to see if Jesse is here. I'm going to move a little closer."

Rachel crawled to the aisle, which was on an incline, and slowly started to move down a few rows.

Puck followed and took in the great view of Rachel's posterior as she made her descent.

This was his lucky damn day.

As soon as they left, Puck was gonna play the lotto.

When Rachel found a row that was close enough, she slid behind another seat. Puck scooted in next to her.

The two watched as _Vocal Adrenaline_ finished up the number they were performing. The students were standing on the stage, clearly out of breath after all the exertion they had just gone through.

Puck scanned through every face, but was disappointed to find that Jesses' was not one of them.

"Jesse's not up there," Rachel said smugly.

Thank you Captain Obvious, Puck thought but refrained from saying aloud.

"I guess I was wrong…" Puck started to say when Shelby's formidable voice interrupted him.

"Technically, that was correct people. Technically, everyone executed their turns, hit their notes, and looked good in their costumes. Technically, we should crush the opposition at Regionals."

The members of _Vocal Adrenaline _started to smile in self-congratulation, but Shelby held up one hand to stop them.

"Hold on, I wasn't finished yet. Performance isn't just about mastering the technical aspects. There are things that can't necessarily be given a numerical score, but these things can make or break us during competition. I'm talking about things like dedication, theatricality, desire, and enthusiasm. Practice is over today, but I want you to come back tomorrow willing to work harder than you have ever worked before. Tomorrow, your jazz hands better be so fantastic that I actually believe that you are all having isolated seizures in your arms. Okay, everyone is dismissed."

Rachel and Puck did their best to remain hidden. They would wait until the auditorium was completely empty before making their escape.

When the coast was seemingly clear, Puck and Rachel made their way to the back entrance. As they were about to leave, Rachel stopped, patted her pockets a few times, and said, "Oh no Noah, I think I dropped my sunglasses when I was crawling on the floor."

"I told you to get rid of them," Puck said somewhat annoyed.

"No, you told me to put them away, which I did," Rachel clarified.

"I'll wait. Go look for them."

Rachel shifted her weight from foot to foot, but didn't move.

"What's wrong?" Puck tried to find out.

Rachel leaned in close. "I have to use the facilities."

"What?" Puck said not understanding.

"I'm at capacity for the amount of liquid I can hold."

"Huh? You want a soda or something?"

"Noooo, I have to _pee_," Rachel said exasperated that Puck made her explain with coarse language.

Puck sighed. "You go pee. I'll find the stupid glasses and meet you in the parking lot."

Rachel shot him a grateful look and practically sprinted out the door.

Puck wandered over to the spot where he thought he and Rachel had been. He glanced down the row quickly, but he didn't see any glasses.

He moved down four rows, and spotted the glasses lying under one of the chairs. As he kneeled down to get them, Puck heard the side door near the stage open abruptly. He flattened his body down as best he could, and tried not to breathe too loudly so as to give away his position.

"You're late," Puck heard Shelby say to someone.

"Yeah well, I'm trying to keep a low profile," a male voice replied.

Crap, crap, and triple crap. The male voice belonged to Jesse.

Puck snuck a quick peak, and sure enough, Jesse was now standing close to Shelby

Puck was not the best when it came to paying attention or memorizing things. At this particular moment however, Puck decided he would make an exception. Puck listened with increased fascination and disgust as the following conversation took place.

_Shelby: _How are your individual practices going?

_Jesse:_ Sometimes it's hard to keep the routines from two different glee clubs straight. I'm pretending to be home sick this week just so that I can memorize your new choreography. It's not so easy to learn it from the tapes you make during rehearsal, but luckily my gift for music makes the impossible possible.

_Shelby: _Good, just keep it up, it won't be much longer now.

_Jesse: _So, when can I come back?

_Shelby: _As soon as you give Rachel the cassette tape I gave you and she comes to find me.

_Jesse:_ You only gave me the thing three days ago. I don't even know what's on it.

_Shelby:_ Let's just say it's a matter of biology. I made Rachel's fathers a promise over sixteen years ago, but I'm not sure I can keep it.

_Jesse:_ I'm not sure I understand.

_Shelby: _It's simple. They wanted a child, and I needed money. The agreement was that I couldn't contact the child until she was eighteen. I wanted to wait, but I just don't think I can any longer.

_Jesse: _Are you saying what I think you're saying?

_Shelby_: Yes. Rachel's my daughter.

Puck let a string of expletives explode in his brain when he heard those words. Damn Rachel's tiny bladder for making her miss this.

Puck was still trying to process that info when he managed to hear Shelby say to Jesse,

"Before we talk anymore, let's go backstage so that you can get fitted for your new costume."

Puck waited for them to go behind the curtain, and then he sprinted towards the exit. He raced through the door, and then slowed down a bit.

Puck was officially naming that place the auditorium of doom.

Puck became filled with an overwhelming sense of dread. He was not looking forward to

telling Rachel the latest bit of news he had overheard. Puck was positive that she was not going to take it well.

As he headed for the parking lot, Puck wondered why he ever thought this was going to be his lucky day.

Forget playing the lotto.

The only thing Puck wanted to do now was stick his head between his legs and kiss his ass good bye.

* * *

Puck spotted Rachel sitting on a bench near the parking lot swinging her legs like a damn five-year-old. Puck guessed that she was so happy looking because she still thought that Jesse's name had been cleared of any wrongdoing.

Puck hated that he had to be the one to burst her bubble. He briefly thought about lying, but quickly decided against it. Shelby clearly wanted Rachel to find out that she was her mother. At least if Puck broke the news now, Rachel could decide on her own terms if she wanted direct contact with the she-devil who had spawned her.

Puck approached the bench while trying to act normal…what secret? He didn't know of a potentially life-destroying or at the very least life-altering secret agreement that was settled upon sixteen years ago. Nope, the only things on his mind were babes, bikes, and burgers. He had not a care in the world.

Bullshit.

"Hey Rachel, you look relieved….get it _relieved_?" Puck tried to joke when he got close enough to her.

"I am feeling better now," Rachel acknowledged. "Did you find my sunglasses?"

Puck reached into the front pocket on his t-shirt and pulled out her specs. "Yup, I've got them right here."

Rachel took the glasses and put them in her purse which she must have retrieved from his truck. "Thanks for finding them."

"Whatever. Listen, there's something I need to tell you."

Rachel smiled. "I think I know what you're going to say."

Puck was surprised. "You do?"

"Yes. We made a bet that if we came here to spy and Jesse wasn't anywhere to be found well then you would apologize to me and to him."

Stalling for time, Puck ran a hand over his head. He was still getting used to the lack of his mohawk.

"Uh yeah, about that…"

Rachel practically jumped off the bench and into a standing position. "Don't even think about trying to get out of this one. The next time Jesse is at school, I want you to tell him you're sorry in front of the whole glee club."

Puck had prepared for the eventuality that he would have to pretend to act contrite in front of Jesse. He had been ready to write the dude a note, or buy him a balloon.

Hell, if Rachel had wanted him to, he would have rented out a damn skywriter and had his heartfelt apology splashed across the sky.

Now, Puck preferred doing all those things as opposed to telling Rachel what he had just overheard about Shelby. Oh well, it was time to man up and just spit out the truth.

"Before I get my sorry on, there is something you should know. I overheard an interesting conversation when I went back into the auditorium to get your glasses."

Rachel lost the teasing smile from her face. "What did you hear?"

Puck let the words spill out quickly.

"I was behind a chair getting your sunglasses when I heard the door open. I stayed hidden, but I saw Jesse walk in with Shelby. They were talking about Jesse being able to rejoin _Vocal Adrenaline_ really soon. He even said that he wasn't sick, and that he was taking this week off to practice choreography."

Rachel opened her mouth to speak, but Puck kept on going.

"Jesse wanted to know what was taking so long, and Shelby said that all he had to do was give you the cassette tape she had made. After hearing the tape, Shelby was hoping you would contact her."

"Are you messing with me Noah?" Rachel interrupted. "I know you don't like Jesse, but inventing a story like this would be low, even for you."

Gee thanks for recognizing I have some standards, Puck thought.

Puck grabbed Rachel lightly by the shoulders, and bent his knees so that he could look directly into her eyes. "I swear to you Rachel, on my honor as a Jew, I am not making this up."

Rachel let out a deep sigh. "Okay, I believe you. But why would Shelby make me a tape? Did she even say what was on it?"

"Errrr….no. She didn't say what was on it."

Rachel got a determined look on his face. "Alright, I'll just have to ask Jesse directly to his face later. You can drop me off at his house, and I won't leave until he tells me what he knows."

Rachel started walking towards his truck, and Puck was stuck with a dilemma. Technically, he was off the hook. He could wait for Jesse to tell Rachel about Shelby, and then Puck wouldn't be the bad guy.

But, Puck didn't want Rachel to get manipulated by that nimrod anymore. He and Rachel had been friends (and then some) for awhile now, so Rachel would probably appreciate hearing it from Puck anyways.

Besides, Puck was pretty sure that he had Rachel Berry figured out by now. The worst thing she could do was burst into tears and make a scene. Puck could handle that.

"Rachel, hold up," he called. "I overheard another thing while I was in there."

"What now?" Rachel asked. "Did you find out that instead of a _he_, Jesse is really a _she_? You can just tell me; I think I've heard almost every bizarre secret I could hear today."

"Shelby's your mom."

Silence.

Dead silence.

Silence as in no birds chirping, no wind blowing, no cars moving, just eerie silence.

Puck was thoroughly freaked out by the lack of a reaction, so he tried to explain a little more, "Shelby mentioned that she made an arrangement with your dads. She got paid to have you, and then give you up. Apparently, she's supposed to wait until you turn eighteen to meet you, but I guess she got impatient."

Puck was expecting the tears to come then.

He was ready to catch Rachel before she fell sobbing to the ground.

He was even willing to talk about his daddy issues in order to make her feel better about her mommy issues.

What he wasn't expecting was for Rachel's fist to come charging at his midsection at a surprisingly fast velocity.

Her fist made contact with his right side, directly underneath his ribs.

"Ow Rachel, what the hell was that for?"

Rachel was clutching her right hand with her left one. Apparently, she hadn't listened when Puck had told her before that the secret to a good punch was not tucking your thumb into your hand.

"Are you okay? Does your thumb feel broken?"

"Just leave me alone," Rachel said in a quivery voice. "It's your fault that I ever came here in the first place."

With that, Rachel turned on her heels and headed back towards the school.

"Come on, just let me give you a ride home," Puck yelled.

Rachel just ignored him and kept on walking, presumably to the office so that she could call home for a ride.

Puck watched her leave, and then just stood there in disbelief.

He couldn't believe that Rachel, of all people, had actually punched him.

Sure, Puck admitted, he probably deserved a good smack at some point in his life or another, but now wasn't one of those times. He had actually been trying to be nice to Rachel.

Oh well, the mild discomfort he felt probably paled in comparison to the agony that Rachel was currently feeling.

Puck wandered over to his truck, and got in the driver's seat. He still couldn't believe that Rachel had socked him one.

Puck turned the wheel to back out of his parking spot, and he felt a stinging pain in his ribs.

As he pulled out of the lot, Puck couldn't help but appreciate the irony of the afternoon.

For a girl who was so worried about breaking and entering, Rachel sure seemed to have no problem with assault and battery.


	7. Chapter 7

Puck had to wait three whole days for that punk to show up at school.

Puck knew Jesse was back when he spotted a floppy-haired muppet floating through the halls as if he was on some big, pretentious cloud made up of his own hot air.

Wow, an angry Puck was a poetic Puck.

Puck waited until Jesse was close to the corner of the school he fondly referred to as his "Bullying Corner" before he made his move.

The corner was secluded enough that students with grievances could usually get a few good punches in before being broken apart by a teacher.

Puck only needed to make one punch count.

Puck grabbed Jesse's arm, and pulled him behind the wall.

"What the hell?" Jesse said as he wondered what was going on.

Puck was an old pro at this, and at first he liked to lull his victim into a false sense of security. It was more fun that way.

"Hiya buddy. We've missed you these past few days. Where yah been?" Puck asked keeping things casual.

A bright sheen of sweat broke out on Jesse's face, so Puck knew that he was nervous.

"I was out with the flu," Jesse explained.

"Oh, that must have sucked. I heard one of those animal strains was going around…dog flu, or gorilla flu…" Puck scratched his chin in thought, "or maybe it was wolverine flu, I hear that's the worst kind."

Jesse didn't know if Puck was messing with him or not, but he erred on the side of caution.

"Yeah, it must have been one of those," Jesse said vaguely. "All I know is that I was in the bathroom day and night, and it definitely wasn't for a fun reason."

Puck continued to pretend to be concerned. "Did you drink lots of fluids? When you're sick it's important to stay hydrated."

"I sure did," Jesse responded. "I drank so much Gatorade, I might as well own stock in the company."

Puck was getting bored with this chit-chat. He needed to turn up the heat.

He leaned in a bit closer. Jesse's back was already pressed up against the wall, so he had nowhere to run.

Puck gestured to the sweat coming out of Jesse's pores, "All that liquid you drank appears to be exiting your body as we speak."

"I switched deodorants recently, and I guess I'm just not feeling all that 'sure' these days," Jesse explained.

"Hmmm, that must be the smell I smell then," Puck said sniffing the air. "I could have sworn it was fear though. You're not scared, are yah Jesse?"

"I've been known to get scared on occasion. For instance, bugs kind of freak me out. Also, I shudder when I hear people who refuse to sing from their diaphragm. Right now though, I'd say I was more curious than anything else. Why'd you pull me over here?"

Time to get down to business.

"I wanted to ask you a question," Puck replied.

"Ask away."

Puck sneered menacingly, "I was just wondering if there was anything you don't like about your face."

"What?" Jesse questioned.

Puck cracked the knuckles on both of his hands. "I wanted to know if you had any special requests before I rearranged your face for you. Perhaps your nose would look better an inch to the left."

Jesse's hands instantly shot up as a barrier between himself and Puck.

"Before you provide me with free plastic surgery, don't I at least get to know why you're so angry? Did I do something to you?"

"You did something to Rachel, which affects glee club, which then affects me. If Rachel can't sing because her heart has been stomped on by the likes of you, then yeah you deserve the tsunami of pain that's coming."

Puck expected Jesse to beg for his life, what he did not anticipate was Jesse letting out a sarcastic laugh.

"A weather metaphor, how cute. Listen up because I'm only going to say this once. I haven't done anything to Rachel. Please don't try and use the welfare of the glee club to mask the fact that you're jealous of my relationship with her. I'm beginning to understand why she dumped you. Maybe she couldn't handle your delusional and angry outbursts."

Two punches.

Puck was going to need at least two punches to set this kid straight.

"I'm not delusional; I was there in the auditorium, jackass. I overheard you talking to Shelby."

Keeping up his smug façade, Jesse said, "How nice for you. Have you told Rachel yet? What was her reaction?"

Her reaction was an impersonation of Hillary Swank in Million Dollar Baby. Instead of another chick boxer though, Rachel's target had been Puck's abdomen.

Puck certainly wasn't going to tell Jesse any of that though.

"I told Rachel everything. She now knows what a lying piece of scum you are."

"Are you sure she believed you? Trusting information from a secondhand source can be tricky, especially when that info comes from a guy who has no trouble making up facts and forging a letter."

Puck felt bile rise up in the back of his throat.

Jesse lowered his voice and said in a whisper, "Between you and me though, I can see why you went for Rachel. She's a hot piece when her mouth is shut and her skirts are short. Ever notice how wide her mouth gets when she sings, just imagine the things she could do in the right circumstances…"

Puck pulled his fist back, and launched it forward. He was scant inches away from Jesse's face when he caught a flash of pink in his peripheral vision.

Rachel tried to pull Puck's arm back, but she was a little too late. She did manage to knock Puck's trajectory off a bit so that his fist glanced off Jesse's jaw instead of hitting him square in the face.

"Let go of my arm," Puck said while breathing hard.

"No, not until you calm down."

"He deserves to pay for what he's done," Puck insisted.

Jesse took advantage of Puck's distraction to move a few steps out of the way just in case Rachel didn't get through to him.

"This isn't going to solve anything," Rachel replied.

Puck took a moment to look down at the tiny splint that had been on Rachel's thumb the past few days. Rachel had a slight hairline fracture on her knuckle from her improper punching technique.

"Do you really want to talk about the virtues of abstaining from violence right now?" Puck asked.

Rachel tried to ignore his knowing look. "You are not going to hurt Jesse…" she said before pausing.

Aw hell, Puck was disappointed. Rachel must still have feelings for the jerk.

"…here," Rachel finished her thought. "You can't hurt him here; people could walk by and see us. We need a more discrete location. Do you know of any good places Noah?"

Jesse was surprised, and not in a good way. "You can't actually condone his hurting me?"

"I need answers Jesse, and I'm going to get them…one way or another."

Thatta girl, Puck thought with a bit of pride as he thought of the perfect location to take his "guest."

* * *

"So you're absolutely certain that the janitor won't be back for at least another forty-five minutes?" Rachel asked Puck while standing in a crowded supply closet.

"I'm positive. The new guy they hired only works part-time. Plus, he's a total boozer. I discovered his stash behind that shelf when I was looking for a quiet place to nap during the day. You'd be surprised how good of a pillow a 12-pack of Charmin toilet paper makes."

Rachel walked over and picked up a package of tp. She gave it a little squeeze, "Hmm, this is very soft. They must give it to the teachers though because the toilet paper in the girls' room is as rough as sandpaper."

"You're lucky you get any paper at all, there's never any in the boys' bathroom. Sometimes, someone brings in a magazine that people can rip pages from. I generally use the boring newspapers or Oprah's magazine cause she thinks she's better than everyone else…ooh look at me…I have enough money to buy a whole studio audience a brand new car and at night, I still get to take money baths in my gold Jacuzzi. I usually leave Martha Stewarts' magazine alone though because at least she's been to jail. That's kind of hard core."

Rachel nodded her agreement.

"Uh guys, can we get on with this?" Jesse asked while sitting on an over-turned mop bucket in the middle of the tiny room.

"I'll be asking all the questions here," Rachel informed him. "You better tell the truth because I'll know if you're lying to me, and Puck will make you regret it."

Puck was impressed by Rachel's dominance, and fantasized what she might do to Jesse while wearing thigh high boots and cracking a whip.

On second thought, Puck had been bad too, and he deserved to be punished.

Puck pushed those thought from his head (momentarily) so that he could focus.

He remained standing by the door, while Rachel began her interrogation.

Rachel paced in a little circle while formulating her questions.

"Mr. St. James, were you actually afflicted with some sort of illness that prevented you from attending school this past week?"

"Not per se."

"Did you spend your time practicing routines from _Vocal Adrenaline_ that were videotaped specifically for you?"

Jesse fidgeted on the bucket, so Puck shot him a warning glance. Jesse had the good sense to restrict his movement immediately.

"Yes, a majority of my time was spent rehearsing."

Rachel continued her pacing.

"While here, did Shelby want you to spy on us and report back to her?"

"No, not specifically."

"Did you tell her anything regardless?"

"She knows a few songs that we might sing, but I haven't told her anything about arrangements or choreography."

Puck had to interrupt. "Not 'we' Jesse, I think you mean the songs that Rachel and I will song, along with our true teammates."

"Fine. Whatever. The songs that you guys will sing."

Rachel stopped pacing and stood directly in front of Jesse. She looked down and stared him straight in the eye. "Did you know Shelby was my mother when you agreed to come here?"

This was the question that Jesse had been expecting all along, but dreading the most.

"I swear to you Rachel that I had no idea she was your mom. She only told me a couple of days ago. Looking back, I realize that I probably should have known you two were related, you look like twins. It's actually kind of creepy."

Puck had to agree, the resemblance was uncanny. For a mom (and Puck knew a lot of moms), Shelby was pretty hot.

"Puck said that you would have a tape for me."

Jesse nodded at the corner where Puck had carelessly thrown his backpack, "It's in my bag."

Puck unzipped the bag and rooted around until he felt a small, rectangular tape.

"Got it," he told Rachel.

"What's on the tape?" She asked Jesse.

"I have no idea," he replied honestly.

"Just one more question and then you are free to go," Rachel assured him.

Puck was getting bummed. His chances of pounding Jesse's face in were decreasing by the minute.

"What was supposed to happen after you got me to listen to the tape? Were you just going to go back to your old school and forget you ever met me?"

Puck guessed that this was probably not the best time to inform Rachel that that was actually two questions. She seemed upset enough as it was. He was just gonna let things play out.

Jesse got a look on his face that said he would rather be anyplace else in the world than answering this question right now, but Rachel was shooting daggers from her eyes in his direction.

"The plan all along has been for me to rejoin my group right before Regionals. So yeah, as soon as I got you to listen to the tape, I was going to break things off."

Rachel tried to appear impassive, but Puck couldn't help but notice that her bottom lip was quivering the slightest bit. She was struggling to keep it together.

Rachel's voice got lower, and she said barely above a whisper, "Did you ever have any feelings for me at all, or was it just an act?"

Warning bells began going off in Puck's head, and he wanted to shout Abort! Abort! He knew this was not going to end well.

Puck stepped away from the door, and closer to Rachel.

"Listen Rachel, who cares what this loser thinks. Maybe it would be better if…"

"Shut it, Puckerman!" Rachel shouted. "I want him to answer this."

Jesse stood up from the mop bucket and faced Rachel. "You of all people should know that it's called show _business _for a reason. People's feelings are bound to get hurt, otherwise they would rename it 'show _good will towards your fellow man'_…and that's just not as catchy. Take comfort in the fact that what I did to you wasn't personal, it was only a job. Shelby told me to do something, and I did it…simple as that. The only feelings I have for you are those of sympathy. Now that I get to leave this pathetic dump-hole, my glee club is going to annihilate yours. Does that answer your question?"

Maybe Puck was gonna get to do some punchin' afterall.

Puck stepped menacingly towards Jesse, but Rachel held an arm out to hold him back, again.

"It's alright Noah, I asked and he answered."

Rachel looked at Jesse. "The only person I feel sorry for in here is you. _Vocal Adrenaline_ is a group made up of soulless, aging robots who couldn't connect to music in a meaningful way if it was attached to them through an umbilical cord. You're all washed up. Your reign is about to end, and _New Directions_ is more than willing to take your spot. I hope you enjoy your second place finish."

In the words of the black girl in glee whose name Puck couldn't remember at the moment, Oh Snap!

"That sounds like an open declaration of war to me. Are you sure you want to do that Rachel? Things could get pretty ugly," Jesse warned.

"Bring it," Rachel replied simply.

Jesse winked at her and left.

Puck sat down on the empty bucket. "What an ass," he commented to fill the silence.

"I don't want to talk about him anymore," Rachel said as if trying to convince herself.

"That's cool with me. Do you want to talk about what's on this tape," Puck asked as he threw it in the air.

Rachel caught it cleanly before he got a chance to.

"I'm not even sure I want to listen to it. I have two great dads already. Do I really need a mom to complicate things?"

Puck just shrugged because he didn't want to say the wrong thing.

Rachel slipped the tape in her pocket. She would make a decision about it later. Right now, there was something else that was on her mind.

"Hey Noah, thanks for trying to defend my honor in the hallway. I really appreciate it. Since I've been avoiding you these past couple days, we never got a chance to talk about what happened in the parking lot. I'm so sorry that I lashed out at you. I was upset and confused, and you got in the way. I hope I didn't hurt you."

Puck nodded towards her splinted thumb, "Looks like you got hurt more than I did."

Rachel half-smiled. "I guess I shouldn't have tucked my thumb in huh?"

"You're damn right. Next time you're in a fight, you should try and go for the soft and vulnerable spots on a guy's body…the groin, the solar plexus, or the kneecap. You should have never aimed for my abdominals because, as you can see," Puck lifted his t-shirt up for a quick second to illustrate his point, "they're pretty rock solid."

Rachel was disappointed when Puck's abs disappeared from sight all too soon. "I'll try to remember that, even though I don't plan on getting into anymore fights."

"If you didn't want to fight, then you probably shouldn't have declared war on he-who-must-not-be-named and his gang of 'soulless, aging robots.'"

"I declared war on them in the musical sense. The stage at Regionals will be our boxing arena, if you will. We're going to duke it out there."

Puck looked skyward in exasperation. Rachel had come pretty far from the naïve, innocent girl that she had been when they had first met, but she still had a long way to go.

"Rachel, declaring war now means pranks and attempts at sabotage. Jesse is gonna go back to _Vocal Adrenaline_, and I guarantee that they are going to try something soon."

Rachel looked worried. "What are we going to do?"

Destruction, mayhem, and retaliation were Puck's domains. For once, he knew exactly what needed to happen.

"We come up with a game-plan. During practice, we tell the other glee members to get ready for what's coming. We need to strike first before the other team gets a chance to organize."

"I'm not good with pranks," Rachel stated.

"That's okay," Puck assured her, "I have a whole list of them in my locker. I've been writing them down since I was old enough to write, and I've come up with some pretty good ones."

Rachel seemed unsure, but she appreciated Puck's enthusiasm. "I guess I'm okay with defending the group as long as it doesn't interfere with our rehearsal time."

Puck rubbed his hands together gleefully. "Don't worry; we'll get our practice time in while having fun teaching those jerks a lesson."

Rachel smiled her first genuine smile of the day. "Sounds good. We should probably get out of here and go to class. Do you want to meet at lunch and discuss strategy?"

Now it was Puck's turn to smile. He couldn't remember the last time he and Rachel Berry had had lunch together as friends. "Sure, go ahead and I'll catch up with you at lunch. There's something I have to do here first."

Puck waited until the door had closed completely behind Rachel before he headed towards the shelf. He had to reach behind canisters of sawdust (used for the pukey kids who had trouble digesting school lunch) and bottles of spray cleaner until he found what he was looking for.

Puck pulled out one of the cans of beer and popped the top.

He held the can out and air toasted the absent janitor for providing the contraband. Even though the beer was warm, it went down fast and smooth.

When he was finished, Puck crushed the can in his hand.

He was feeling pretty great at the moment. He had taken down Jesse, he had convinced Rachel to trust him again, and now he got to lead a prank war against a rival school. Puck felt like he was invincible.

Before leaving, Puck couldn't help but congratulate himself. He dusted off his shoulders and said, "Pucky Puck, you da man!"

Puck's buzz was killed when the knob to the closet was turned quickly and the door swung open.

"Hey Janitor Jenkins," Puck said while hiding the crushed beer can behind his back.

A middle-aged man with tufts of white hair replied, "What are you doing in here kid?"

Puck had to think fast. He went over to the shelf and grabbed one of the cans of sawdust. "I heard they're serving tuna noodle casserole for lunch, and my friend has a weak stomach. I figured I'd save you some time and just grab this now."

"Good lookin' out kid," the janitor replied, "that stuff looks the same going in and coming up. I don't see how it could pass the state's food safety regulations."

"I know right." Puck inched towards the door. "Okay well see you later."

"Hold up kid," the janitor said.

Crap. This dude was totally harshing Puck's mellow.

"You better take an extra can just in case. That stuff at lunch is lethal."

Puck took the proffered can and gave a mock salute. He managed to make it out of the closet without the remnants of his beer being seen.

Puck breathed a sigh of relief. As he walked down the hallway, he looked at the cans of sawdust in his hands and had an excellent idea.

He knew exactly what his first prank was going to be.


	8. Chapter 8

_*It's pretty self-explanatory, but I used VA to abbreviate Vocal Adrenaline because I got tired of typing it out*_

"Thanks for coming guys," Puck said as he looked around the choir room. Almost all of the glee kids were sitting on folding chairs that were arranged in a circle.

Puck thought this was the best configuration for the following conversation because a circle made everyone feel included. At least, that was the explanation the counselors at juvie gave him during group sessions for the few weeks he stayed there (or as Puck's mom told her friends, his "extended time-out." To Puck, it was like a short vacay from public school, so he didn't complain much).

The glee clubbers sat rapt with attention (except for Brittany who was chewing on a piece of her own hair); waiting for Puck to speak again.

This kind of feels like a powwow, Puck observed. He smiled when he realized that if this was a powwow, then he was the chief.

Chief Puckerman.

Nah, that didn't sound right.

Note to self, Puck thought, come up with a badass Indian name later.

For all Puck knew, he could have a small percentage of Indian blood running through his veins right now. He didn't know a great deal about his dad's family. And, as his mother liked to remind him before his big haircut, what kind of respectable Jew would ever sport a mohawk?

An Indian Jew, that's who.

Puck realized that he needed to get things going. "Submitted for the approval of the _New Directions Prank Society, _I call this meeting to order."

"Is it just me, or does that sound eerily similar to the opening from _Are You Afraid of the Dark_?" Artie asked.

"Not just you," Kurt concurred.

"Wasn't that on Nickelodeon?" Finn wondered. "That channel used to have good shows, but now they all kinda suck."

"Whatever guys," Puck interrupted, "Stop messin' around, we have stuff to get to."

"Where's Rachel?" Mercedes spoke up while pointing to the empty chair next to Pucks'.

Firstly, Puck was grateful that he had successfully steered the conversation away from old Nickelodeon shows (it's not like he sometimes spent the whole weekend watching re-runs of kids shows on YouTube…cause that would be lame. And although you didn't hear it from Puck, that "fear soup" episode was freakin' creepy).

"Rachel said she we could start without her because she had some group project for another class that she needed to finish up first. She texted me and said she'd get here as soon as she could."

Puck looked at the empty chair and hoped that Rachel would hurry up. She had been nervous all week about potential sneak attacks, and Puck wanted to make sure that she was okay.

"Since this prank thing has been going on for a week now, I wanted to get an update. What pranks have you guys pulled?"

Kurt raised his hand, "If I may, I would like to start."

"Go for it," Puck told him.

"Well, it took a little bit of research, but I found out which dry cleaner Vocal Adrenaline sends their costumes to. I imitated Shelby's voice on the phone, by lowering my own, and I convinced the dry cleaning lady that the costumes needed to be altered. I gave her some fake measurements, and let's just say that most of Jesse's pants will now be capris."

The glee kids laughed as they pictured Jesse wearing short pants.

"Good one Kurt, who else has got something to share?"

Mercedes volunteered. "Y'all know my dad's a dentist. Well, one of his patients is a girl from VA. Her name is Courtney. I kind of snooped in her file a bit, and found out that she needs to have her wisdom teeth pulled. I told my dad that I was friends with Courtney and that she wanted to have the procedure done as soon as possible. My dad scheduled her appointment with the oral surgeon for the day before Regionals. There is no way she 'll be able to sing in the competition; her mouth will be too sore."

"Depleting their numbers, that's a good strategy," Puck pointed out.

"I hope I didn't do anything too wrong. I mean, she does really need the surgery," Mercedes said.

"You better hope she doesn't have a bad reaction to the anesthesia," Quinn muttered in a voice loud enough so that everyone could hear.

"Is there something you would like to say?" Puck asked.

"I don't even know why I'm at this stupid meeting. I think pranks are childish and hurtful. Hasn't anyone heard that 'An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind'?"

"No, but I have heard that an eye on the black market will fetch a tidy profit," Puck joked.

Quinn was not amused.

"I know how you feel Quinn, but we're not forcing you to participate. You don't have to pull any pranks if you don't want to," Puck said in a more serious tone.

"You could just pick a member of VA and sit on them until your water breaks," Artie offered. "I think that would be plenty punishment enough."

Puck didn't like what he just heard. "Dude, not cool. That's my kid you're talking about. Besides, I don't think Quinn wants to pee on anyone. She'd probably rather do that in private."

Quinn became exasperated. "How many times have I told you, women don't pee when they go into labor."

Puck shook his head, "Babe, I'm sorry if you're embarrassed, but I think we all know that pee is mostly made up of water; having your 'water break' is just a more polite way of saying it," Puck explained using air quotes.

"I'm not gonna pee!" Quinn hollered.

Awkward, Kurt mouthed to Mercedes.

Puck wisely kept his mouth shut even though he knew she would have to go to the bathroom sometime. No one could hold it forever.

"I've got a good prank," Finn said while trying to break up the bickering. "Yesterday afternoon, Mike, Matt, and I snuck over to the high school. We sprayed shaving cream all over VA's cars and we left messages saying that they sucked and were going to lose. Then, we wrapped all of their cars together in cellophane, the kind that comes in big rolls. It'll take hours to get that crap off."

"How did you know which cars were theirs?" Tina asked.

"Because they have their own small parking lot off to the side," Matt said.

"And novelty license plates," Mike added.

"Weirdos," Puck muttered even though he secretly wanted a novelty license plate (if he ever got one it would have a guitar on it and it would say "nmbr wah.")

"What about you?" Santana asked Puck. "You said you were this great prank-master, so what have you done in the past week?"

"What haven't I done?" Puck smirked. "I did the usual stuff first. I started by TP'ing their choir room. I put plastic wrap on the toilets near the auditorium. I moved all the chairs from the cafeteria into their choir room, so that they wouldn't be able to practice. I shuffled their sheet music around so that it would be hard to find. I screwed with some wires so that their sound system was out of commission for a bit. I put funny cutouts over the spotlights so that when they were turned on, the shadows on the singers were quite amusing. I stuck bumper stickers on their school statue that said "horny manatee." Why? Because team Conan, that's why. And, I placed an anonymous tip with the CDC that VA's choreographer was contagious with some funky, new disease. Some guys in suits took him away for further testing."

"Damn boy, that's a lot," Mercedes exclaimed.

Puck leaned back in his chair, "What can I say, it's a gift. I haven't even told you about my favorite prank yet."

All eyes in the room were on Puck, even Brittany was paying attention.

Puck savored the attention before continuing.

"The other day, I was trying to come up with the perfect crime— one that would embarrass Jesse and his punkass friends but would not come with a mandatory five-year prison sentence if it were ever traced back to me. Then, I remembered seeing these giant fans, we're talking industrial strength, off to the side of the stage when Rachel and I were in their auditorium. I guess one of VA's songs deals with air or flying or something like that. Anyways, that gave me an idea."

The glee kids leaned in closer so that they didn't miss a word.

"I made some calls and set my plan in motion." Puck continued, "I bribed some of the football players from Carmel High School to help me out. Apparently, glee club is more popular over there than athletics, so these dudes had an axe to grind. Two days ago, we snuck into the auditorium with buckets of water and sawdust."

"Where'd you get buckets of sawdust?" Finn wondered.

Puck shrugged. "I know a guy. As I was saying…we snuck in, tied the buckets behind the fans, and we rigged it so that the junk inside would spill out as soon as the fans were turned on. By the time we were finished, I could barely see the buckets even though I knew they were there."

"Did it end up working?" Mike asked Puck.

"You bet your dancing ass it did," Puck informed him. "I had to stay hidden throughout most of the practice since they waited to use the fans until their last number. When somebody from the control room finally flipped the switch to turn on the power, the fans started blowing and the buckets with the water tipped…"

He paused, for dramatic emphasis.

The more he made them wait, the more they wanted it (Puck learned this the _hard_ way from girls who refused to put out. It only made him want them more).

"Dude, don't be a tease, just tell us the rest," Finn scolded.

"Fine," Puck grumbled, "Impatient much? As I was saying, the water buckets tipped and everyone on stage got soaked! Five seconds after that, the sawdust hit like a tornado. The people in the front, Jesse included, were covered from head to toe in the stuff; they kind of looked like zombies, you know, the kind whose skin falls off in chunks."

"What a tasty visual," Artie said dryly.

Puck started reaching for his pockets, "Speaking of visuals, I got you guys a little present."

"Nobody wants any present that comes out of your pants," Quinn commented.

"Hardy har," Puck shot back. "I was reaching in my pocket to get my phone. When I was hiding, I managed to record a short video-clip that I think you all might enjoy."

Puck pulled out the phone and pressed a few buttons. He started the video and gave some play-by-play commentary:

"Here's Jesse getting hit with the water. You'll notice the surprised look on his face. Unfortunately for us, he's not like the Wicked Witch or the aliens from the movie _Signs_ because he didn't melt from the moisture. Wait for it, wait for it…BAM! There goes the sawdust. Poor Jesse had his mouth open the whole time. If I rewind and pause it here, you can actually see the moment when it hits the back of his throat."

"How did they not catch you?" Finn wondered.

"One of the jocks pulled the fire alarm, and everybody had to exit the building right away. Those poor suckers had to stand outside covered in crap for ten minutes until the fire-trucks showed up."

Puck made sure the video-clip was still saved, and then he shut his phone. He was going to be laughing at that image for a very long time.

"They must have been livid," Kurt observed. "I wonder why they haven't retaliated yet."

"That is kind of weird man," Finn agreed. "They haven't done anything to us."

"Not true," Puck said, "A bunch of girls have called my house trying to convince my mom that I had impregnated them."

Quinn looked up at the ceiling and spoke quietly, "I may have asked a few of my old friends to give your house a call and mess with you a little bit."

Puck wasn't mad, the calls had kind of been funny. According to them, he was going to be the proud papa of twins, triplets, and a baby with a tail.

"And you said you weren't a fan of pranks," Puck teased as Quinn's face turned red.

"I found a wad of gum and torn up newspaper stuck in the piano this morning. That could have been them," Kurt said.

Santana discretely shook her head and rolled her eyes in Brittany's direction.

For once, Brittany actually noticed the gesture and said, "My bad. I like chewing things, and I can't always find a place to put them when I'm done."

Okayyyy, moving on.

"So, are you guys saying that Vocal Adrenaline has not pulled one single prank on any of us? What the hell are they waiting for?" Puck asked.

"I think the question you want is not _what_ are they waiting for, but _whom_" a voice said from the doorway.

Puck spun in his chair, and saw Rachel standing there.

Rachel looked awful. Her clothes were filthy. A nasty smell filled Puck's nostrils, and he realized that the substance covering Rachel was garbage. She had a yellow liquid in her hair that was dripping down and making a puddle on the floor.

Rachel gestured to her ruined attire, "From my disheveled appearance, I guess we now know who the main target was."

Puck jumped up, and walked over to Rachel.

"Rachel, what the hell happened?"

Rachel let Puck lead her away from the door and into an empty seat.

"I was in the parking lot, and admittedly I was a bit distracted and unprepared for a confrontation, but suddenly rotten fruit and vegetables were being pelted at me."

Rachel pushed a sticky strand of hair out of her eyes. "And eggs," she added. "They threw eggs at me. The worst part is that I know I am going to have nightmares about being attacked by the mothers of those chicks who never got to be."

Puck had to know, "Was Jesse there?"

Rachel nodded. "He was. He didn't throw anything, but he just stood there looking at me until his teammates ran out of ammunition."

The glee clubbers began to talk all at once.

"That's messed up Rachel," Mercedes said.

"At least the egg will give your hair a shiny gloss," Kurt added.

"If you want, I'll run them all over," Artie offered pushing his wheels a little bit.

"They're dead!" Finn replied succinctly.

"Are they still out there…because if they are…" Puck balled his fists up tightly.

"They're gone now," Rachel told the group. "And while I appreciate your willingness to defend me, I don't want anyone to perpetrate a crime on my behalf."

"We can't let them get away with this," Puck told her.

"From the small snippet I heard in the hallway, it doesn't sound like they have. We played numerous pranks on them, and now they have gotten us back. Let's just end it here, and beat them at Regionals like we planned to all along."

The glee members were uncertain. "Are you sure, Rachel? They didn't target us, they came after you."

She cut them off. "I'm fine. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to try and clean myself up a bit."

Rachel went out the door, leaving a messy trail of gook behind.

Puck decided he was going to follow.

"I declare this meeting of the _New Directions Prank Society _closed. We'll talk more tomorrow," he told the group.

No matter what she said, Puck knew that Rachel was lying.

She most definitely was not fine.

Puck was going to try and change that.


	9. Chapter 9

_FYI, I'm going to wrap this story up in a couple more chapters. As always, thanks for reading!_

Puck opened the door to the girl's bathroom a crack, and he saw Rachel standing in front of the mirror. She had taken off her outer shirt and was wearing a lacy, white camisole, but her skirt was still filthy and her hair was still dripping some drops of yolk when she moved her head.

Puck also noticed that she had opened a window to let some of the funkified smell out.

"I'm such an idiot," he heard her mutter as she looked at her reflection.

Puck figured she was discouraged by the amount of time it would take to get that crap out of her hair. She hadn't had a slushie thrown in her face for awhile (at least not by Puck), so she was probably out of practice at this sort of thing.

Puck decided to offer his services.

"Need some help?" he asked.

Rachel didn't turn around, "This is the girl's room; you're not supposed to be in here—unless you've made some interesting life choices in the past few hours that I don't know about."

Puck opened the door all the way, and walked right in. "Nope, still a dude."

"Then you really should leave, I'm fine."

Puck moved closer to the sinks. "Who says I came in here for you?"

Rachel raised her eyebrows; with Puck she never could tell what he was going to say next.

Puck wandered over to the stalls which, thankfully, were empty.

"I heard, from a secondhand source, that the girl's room actually has toilet paper on the rolls. I couldn't believe it, so I just had to come in here and see for myself."

Puck went so far as to unroll a few sheets and tear them off.

He pretended to inspect it closely. "It looks like the real thing and feels like the real thing, so it must be real. I guess some dreams really do come true."

Puck stuffed the toilet paper in his pocket. "I'm keeping this," he informed Rachel.

"Congratulations on your successful fact-finding mission," Rachel said turning back to the mirror. Maybe if she ignored him, he would go away.

Rachel grimaced when she tried pulling some egg shells out of the tangled mess of her hair.

"Are you sure I can't get that for you?" Puck offered again.

"What do you know about this?" Rachel snapped. "It's not like you even have that much hair."

"Maybe not on my head…" Puck trailed off.

Puck looked for the tiniest crack of a smile, but he got nothing.

"I'm not leaving, so you might as well put me to good use," he insisted.

Rachel didn't say anything, so Puck took that as a yes.

He positioned himself behind Rachel, and slowly began combing his fingers through her hair.

Whenever he found a piece of shell, he would pull it out as gently as possible and toss it on the counter. Pretty soon, most of the big chunks were gone.

"Do you want to stick your head in the sink, and wash out some of the egg goo?"

Rachel nodded.

The water in the faucets pretty much always came out lukewarm, so Puck didn't worry too much about temperature. He turned on the water, and Rachel went in face-first. She moved her head from side-to-side while Puck scrubbed as best he could. After a few minutes, Puck shut the faucet.

While Rachel squeezed out the excess moisture, Puck wished he'd had the forethought to grab his gym bag from his locker before he showed up so that she could have used his towel.

Rachel wasn't deterred. She simply stood up, and twisted her hair into a tight bun. She didn't have a clip or anything, so Puck wondered how she got it to stay.

Must be a girl thing, he thought.

Now that Rachel was a little cleaner, she seemed in a better mood.

"Thanks, I really needed that."

'No problemo."

Since the chances of Rachel biting his head off had lessened considerably, there was something Puck wanted to ask.

"Is this," Puck gestured to the sink," what you had to go through every time I tossed a slushie in your face?"

"Not even close," Rachel assured him. "For starters, a slushie never got all over my clothes like this or smelled as bad as a dumpster." Rachel eyed the eggshells on the counter, "Plus, you can't get salmonella from a slushie."

"In case I never said it, I am so sorry I ever did that to you. I thought it was funny at the time, but looking back, I realize that it was pretty dumb."

"For the record, you have said it, but I appreciate hearing it again."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Puck said three times fast for good measure.

"I believe you. I wouldn't have dated you if I thought you hadn't changed for the better."

Puck let out a relieved sigh. He didn't know why Rachel had been so willing to forgive him, but he was grateful all the same.

"So, do you want to tell me what really happened in the parking lot this afternoon, or should I just guess?"

Rachel grabbed a paper towel, and began picking up the eggshell pieces. "I already told you what happened, and I said I was fine."

"Bull. From personal experience, I know that when someone repeatedly says they're fine, that usually means that they aren't."

"I…" Rachel hesitated.

"You know I'm going to find out anyways. I'll track down some witness and beat it out of them. Now I'm no psychic or anything, but I don't think you'd want that senseless violence on your conscience."

"Okay," Rachel agreed. "I'll tell you."

She took a deep breath as she walked to the trash to throw out the paper towel.

"The text message I sent you was kind of misleading. I told you that I had a group project when, in actuality, I was just sitting in the library all by myself."

"What were you doing there?"

Rachel stared at the floor. "I was thinking."

God, this was like pulling teeth. Puck didn't think telling her to just spit it out would be very sensitive though.

"What were you thinking about?"

"This frickin' tape!" Rachel exploded as she reached into her pocket and pulled out the cassette tape. She slammed it onto the counter, next to the sink.

Whoa, for a second there he thought Rachel was going to swear. Puck tried to imagine Rachel actually letting some profanity fly, but he couldn't quite complete the picture. It would be like a pig getting dressed up and going to a tea party—one of these things is not like the other. One of these things just doesn't belong.

Rachel started pacing back and forth in the tiny space, and Puck did his best to stay out of her way.

"Did you listen to it?" he asked her.

"Of course I did. I'm an impatient and neurotic teenager who's in a show choir. I love drama. I live for it. As soon as I popped that tape in and listened to it, however, I instantly felt remorse."

"Because you found out that Shelby's a bad person?" Puck guessed.

"Worse," Rachel informed him. "I found out she's an excellent singer. On the tape, she sings a rendition of I Dreamed a Dream from Les Miserables. I used to imagine myself being on stage and singing in that musical. As a child, I thought I'd make an excellent Cosette."

"Well duh, she's like the best one. I mean, she sings all those great songs and junk" Puck said even though he had no clue what she was talking about.

"I used to tease my dads and call them Jean Valjean because whenever I got hurt, they would always swoop in and take care of me."

"Sounds nice," Puck said. "I don't see how this is a bad thing though. I mean, now you know that you get your talent from your mom, that's kind of cool."

Rachel halted in her tracks. "Cool? It's not cool Noah. I did a background check on Shelby and I found out some interesting things. Firstly, she tried to make it on the stage and she failed miserably. She only turned to coaching glee club as a last resort. She's not married, and she doesn't have any kids. Instead, she spends her days pushing high school students towards the dream that eluded her during her whole lifetime."

Puck was all for being supportive, but that didn't mean he was willing to ignore paranoid delusions. "Isn't your mom only like thirty-five? I don't think she's wasted her whole life."

"In show business years, thirty-five might as well be a hundred. If I have any shot of making it, I need to do it while I'm still relatively young and cute."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but at whatever age your mom is she's a…mil…she's still smokin' hot. At least you probably inherited some good genes from her."

The letters M.I.L.F had almost slipped out of Puck's mouth, but he shoved them back in because he didn't think Rachel would appreciate the sentiment.

Rachel couldn't disagree. "Fine, she's pretty. That doesn't mean I want to mimic her failure of reaching stardom."

Puck needed to talk some sense into her quick.

"If I've learned anything from watching daytime talk-shows, it's this: fame and fortune do not guarantee happiness. Sure, it might be nice to buy fancy cars and houses and to wear designer clothing. It would be sweet to get invited to exclusive parties that make other people so envious that they hate you but secretly want to be you at the same time…to be so famous that someone tattoos your name on her chest…"

Puck lost his train of thought as he imagined the possibilities.

Rachel waved her hand in front of his face to get his attention.

"Earth to Noah," she said.

Puck blinked rapidly a few times. "What was I saying?"

"You were cautioning me on the pitfalls of living the celebrity lifestyle."

Puck snapped, "Oh yeahhh, I was. Anyways, all I'm saying is being famous ain't all that."

Rachel leaned against the sink, "I guess I just feel defeated because if my extremely talented biological mother didn't succeed, then what chance have I got?"

"Trust me Rachel," Puck told her, "It's way better for you that your mom isn't famous. Kids of celebrities are always screwed up misfits that end up in rehab. Why do you think Angelina Jolie has so many rugrats? Do you think she adopted all those kids out of the goodness of heart? WRONG! She wanted a couple babies to serve as back-ups in case some of her other kids turned out to be lame."

Puck had rendered Rachel speechless with his interesting case-study.

Puck moved closer to Rachel as she seemed to be pondering his words. He hopped up on the counter, and sat next to one of the sinks while being careful not to crush the tape.

"You really think I'm better off where I am right now?" Rachel asked in a small voice.

"Absolutely," Puck assured her. "If things had turned out differently, you could have been named Apple or Cocoa or Tuna-fish or something."

Rachel let out a laugh. "That would be awful. You wouldn't by any chance be speaking from experience, would you _Puck_?"

Puck wasn't used to Rachel saying his nickname. It sounded weird coming out of her mouth.

"I think that's the first time you've ever called me that," Puck pointed out.

"Would you prefer I start calling you that instead of Noah? I never really asked you how you felt about it."

"You can call me whatever you like as long as it's not A-hole," Puck joked.

"I admit that Puck fits better with the bad-boy persona you try to fool everyone with, but since I know the true nature of your character, I think I'll stick with Noah. It's a name that's both classic and kind of sweet."

Puck's ears perked up. The words "classic" and "sweet" were not ones that were typically associated with his name. In all honesty, he was kind of offended.

"Are you questioning my badassness, because I'll go set something on fire right now."

Rachel laughed even harder. "No need to commit arson, I was just making an observation."

Puck rolled up the sleeves of his hoodie and flashed his guns. "Well, it's time to make another observation. Look at these bad-boys and tell me they shouldn't be classified as lethal weapons in at least forty-eight states."

"I'm not blind to your faults Noah. I know you bully people and cause hundreds of dollars worth of property damage to the school each year."

Thousands actually (the school hadn't found out what he'd done to the swimming pool yet), but that's more like it, Puck thought.

Rachel continued, "But despite all that, I also know that you're a good person."

No I'm not, Puck tried to convince himself. I'm bad, bad to the bone.

Rachel rested her hand on one of Puck's knees. "I know our relationship has been rocky the past few months, but I can't think of a single time when you haven't come through for me. For starters, you warned me about Jesse."

Puck did not want to be known as a pansy. He had to defend his reputation.

"By committing a forgery," he reminded her.

"You helped me learn the truth about Shelby." Rachel was not so easily dissuaded.

"By breaking and entering," Puck countered.

"You defended my honor with your prank war against Vocal Adrenaline."

"I can't even name all the crimes I carried out to pull that one off, and it didn't even make a difference because you still ended up taking a garbage shower in the parking lot."

"You came in here to make sure I was okay," Rachel said refusing to give up.

Puck patted his pocket that contained the wad of toilet paper he had taken. "Nope, I was on a fact-finding mission like you said before. All I really wanted to know was one-ply or two."

Rachel moved her hand off his knee, and Puck was disappointed momentarily until she spun around to face him.

Rachel looked Puck directly in the eye "Allow me one platitude if you will. I just wanted to say thank you for looking out for me. I really appreciate it."

Instead of making a smart-mouth comment (like how please and thank-you are considered magic words), Puck decided to keep things simple.

"You're welcome," he said maintaining eye contact.

Rachel cleared her throat to break the tension-filled silence.

"I think I'm as clean as I'm going to get in here."

"Probably."

Puck eyed Rachel's camisole and decided he did not want her to walk out of school like that.

He jumped off the counter, and unzipped the dark grey hoodie he was wearing over a wife-beater.

"Here," Puck said while handing the hoodie over to Rachel.

She seemed a little surprised, but accepted it gratefully.

Rachel pulled on the hoodie, and hopelessly tried to push up the sleeves that swallowed her hands.

"I'll wash this and get it back to you as soon as I can," she promised him.

"Keep it."

Seeing Rachel wear his shirt was turning Puck on. He knew that a cold shower would be in his future very soon.

Rachel gave herself one last look in the mirror. Satisfied that she looked more presentable, Rachel got ready to leave.

"Are you going to walk out with me, or are you planning to stay in the girl's bathroom all night?"

Puck smirked, "This is not the first time I've ever been in here."

Rachel shook her head, "I don't even want to know."

Last year, Puck had taken the liberty of scrawling his phone number on as many bathroom stalls as possible in order to expand the number of eligible bachelorettes in his dating pool.

Did it work?

Let's just say that Puck's mom was none too happy with the increases in her phone bill.

Puck glanced around the bathroom one more time, and saw that the tape was still lying on the counter.

He picked it up. "What do you want to do with this?"

Rachel sighed. "I don't care what happens to that tape. Smash it, burn it, throw it in the trash. I honestly never want to see it again."

"Done," Puck said. He threw the tape in the metal trashcan.

Rachel gave him a half-smile as she opened the door. "So are you coming?"

Puck scrambled for an excuse. "Nah, you go ahead. I'm going to stay here and stock up on some more tp. Who knows when I'll ever get a chance like this again."

"Suit yourself. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Later."

Puck waited a good twenty seconds to make sure that Rachel was truly gone.

When he was convinced no one was coming, he reached into the trashcan and retrieved the tape.

He turned it over in his hands a few times while deciding what to do.

Puck didn't want to destroy the tape in case Rachel regretted her decision later on. He also didn't want to hold on to it because Rachel would be pissed if she ever found out.

Puck finally made a decision.

He closed his fist tightly around the tape.

He was going to return it to its owner.

Not Rachel.

Shelby.

Puck had a few choice words to say to that woman on behalf of a friend.


	10. Chapter 10

"You've got to be kidding me," Puck muttered as he stared at the gold star hung on the wooden door. The name _Shelby Corcoran_ was written in the center with black marker.

Puck had to admit that he didn't know much about genetics. When he was younger, people used to say that he had his mothers' eyes. Puck would always ask, "If I have her eyes, then whose eyes does she have?"

Creepy...

Puck didn't like the idea that he was a reflection of another person. He liked being his own man. Although, he wished he had inherited his Nana Connie's ability to grow facial hair. In her eighties, she had a sweet beard going on.

Even still, looking at the star, Puck couldn't help but acknowledge that it reminded him of a particularly loud and petite brunette, aged sixteen.

Puck wondered if Rachel's obsession with celestial objects had come from mommy dearest.

If circumstances had been different, her stars might have even read _Rachel Corcoran_.

Now that was truly a scary thought.

Puck took a moment to run through all the insults he was planning on unleashing to the she-devil.

When Puck was all set, he banged on the door three times with his fist.

"Come in Jesse, and you better have gotten my order right this time. I explicitly told you that I wanted a Soy, Toffee Nut, White Mocha with extra whip."

Huh, Puck thought, are those even words.

Not to be deterred, he opened the door and entered the room.

Shelby's office was a decent size. She was sitting at a desk covered in papers with her back to the door. Puck noticed a piano in one corner, and music stands stacked in another.

"Just set the coffee here Jesse," Shelby said pointing to a spot on her desk without turning around.

Puck cleared his throat. "Ms. Corcoran, I need to talk to you."

Shelby raised her head and straightened her back from its slightly hunched position.

"Who are you?"

"Clearly not your little coffee errand boy, that's for sure."

Shelby narrowed her eyes. "Aren't you one of Mr. Schuesters' kids? I recognize you from a tape that I watched of your group at Sectionals. Nice haircut by the way. It shows off your good bone structure."

Puck smiled sarcastically. He didn't want compliments from her. "Thanks, but I'm not here to chit-chat."

"Fair enough. What's your name?"

"Puck."

"Listen up Puck, if you're here to perform another prank, I can tell you right now that such juvenile behavior will no longer be tolerated. Even though I can't prove it yet, I know for a fact that the stunt with the fans was perpetrated by your group."

"Maybe it was, and maybe it wasn't," Puck said while purposely trying to be vague.

"If I go to the school board with this, your glee club could be facing a whole litany of charges, the least of which could be disqualification from Regionals. I'll have you know that the cloud of sawdust coming from the fans irritated an asthmatic student of mine and caused her to have an attack. Plus, deliberately pulling a fire alarm is considered a criminal offense."

"I'm not admitting to anything," Puck responded, "but I have it on good authority that the prank war, if there even was such a thing, is officially over."

"Glad to hear it," Shelby said. "Please shut the door on your way out."

Puck wasn't going anywhere. "Just one more thing; hypothetically speaking of course. Do you happen to know what the legal consequences are for attacking a teenage girl in a school parking lot with rotting vegetables and eggs?"

"Well," Shelby thought, "hypothetically speaking, I suppose such an act could be considered assault. Any students found attacking another student would more than likely be expelled."

"That's what I thought. Such a heinous act deserves to be reported, don't yah think? Especially when the students involved are from rival schools. Anyways, thanks for your time, and I'll let you get back to work. I know it will be tough, but if anyone can win Regionals while all their glee members are expelled from school, it's you."

Shelby got up from her chair. "Wait a second, are you trying to tell me that my glee kids threw rotten food at a member from your team?"

"Bingo."

Shelby looked a bit worried. "Was the student injured?"

"Other than her pride? No."

"I feel badly that my students stooped as low as they did. However, given the circumstances and the high level of provocation from your group, I can't say I blame them for their retaliation."

Time to fight dirty, Puck thought.

"Okay. I'll tell my friend Rachel what you said. I'm sure she'll love hearing that her mother considers her humiliation an acceptable amount of collateral damage."

Shelby paused for a beat.

"I don't know how you found out that Rachel is my daughter, but this is not a conversation I want to have with a virtual stranger."

"M'kay." Puck shrugged his shoulders as he reached into his pockets for the item that had brought him here. "I just wanted to return this."

Shelby took the tape from Puck's outstretched hand, and stared at it incredulously.

"Did Rachel give you this tape?"

"Yeah."

"Do you know if she listened to it?"

"Yup."

Puck was trying to be as annoying as possible.

"Well, did she?" Shelby was getting exasperated.

"Did she what?"

"Listen to the tape!"

Puck stared up at the ceiling. Then, he took a few seconds to crack his knuckles.

Puck was an expert at wasting time.

Shelby took a menacing step forward, and Puck flashed back to the National Geographic special he saw last week about mothers protecting their young in the wild.

Since Puck was too pretty to get his head bitten off by this ticked off mama bear, he decided to spill what he knew.

"Yes, she listened to the tape."

"What was her reaction?"

"I wasn't there," Puck admitted, "but Rachel told me she was impressed by your singing."

Shelby let out a big sigh of relief, but Puck wasn't done yet.

"She also told me how disappointed she was that a person with your supposed talent was unable to make it big. She thinks it doesn't bode well for her future. She asked me to get rid of the tape, but I decided to come here and get a few answers instead."

Shelby sat on the edge of her desk.

"I'm sorry Rachel feels that way. Just because my plans didn't work out, that doesn't mean she is destined to repeat my mistakes."

"That's what I told her," Puck said, "but I'm not sure she believed me."

"Are you her boyfriend or something?" Shelby asked Puck, catching him off guard.

Puck got defensive. "Why does it matter?"

Shelby gave him a knowing glance. "You seem to care an awful lot about my daughter for someone who's just a friend."

"Rachel and I…" Puck hesitated, "…have history. Let's just leave it at that."

She accepted his answer. "Okay. You said you have some questions for me. I'll tell you as much as I can."

Puck wanted to ease his way into things. Even though he had overheard Shelby talking to Jesse in the auditorium, he wanted to get the full story from Shelby to see if the facts matched up.

"Why did you decide to become a surrogate?"

"I needed the money. Rachel's dads seemed like good guys, and they wanted to have a child so badly. I was happy to help them out."

So far, so good. She was telling the truth.

"Have you kept an eye on Rachel this whole time?"

A funny headline popped into Puck's head: _Help! My biological mother is stalking me_…on the next Geraldo.

Shelby shook her head from side-to-side. "No. It was only when I moved back to town to coach Vocal Adrenaline that I decided to see how she was doing."

"Are you disappointed in the way Rachel turned out?" Puck threw this question out there just to gauge her reaction.

Shelby grew visibly upset. "No, God no. Rachel is perfect as far as I'm concerned. She's smart, talented, and beautiful. I couldn't be more proud."

"Mmhmm," Puck mumbled. "Just one more question."

"Shoot," Shelby said. She was actually feeling relieved to be able to get some of this stuff off her chest.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Puck knew in the back of his mind that he probably shouldn't yell or swear at a teacher. At this moment, he didn't particularly care though. If he got expelled, well then that just meant more time for naps at home.

"You say you're proud of Rachel, and yet you send a stupid spy to sex her up and then give her a lame, little tape. If you wanted to talk to her, then you should have had the balls to contact her in person," Puck panted with anger.

Shelby made a gesture with her hands that told Puck to calm down.

"I can see that you're upset, but if you give me a minute, I will try to explain. I know you probably find my behavior as confusing as the series finale of _Lost_."

"As long as we're not in a sideways world right now, I think I can follow along," Puck assured her.

"I sent Rachel the tape because I wanted her to know that her mother was thinking about her. I made an agreement with her dads that I wouldn't contact her until she turned eighteen."

Puck wasn't buying it. "You said so yourself, Rachel's dads are nice guys. You could have asked them to talk to Rachel and see if she even wanted to meet you."

Shelby stared down at her feet. "I suppose I could have done that, but I have a bit of a selfish streak, and a part of me didn't want them involved."

"Fine. I still don't get why you had to send Jesse to do your dirty work. Why didn't you just write Rachel a letter, or call her on the phone, or hell, just give her the tape yourself?"

"First of all," Shelby held up her right index finger, "I did not send Jesse to 'sex up' my daughter. I wanted him to become friends with her, and then plant the tape."

Puck wished that he had actually gone through with Jesse's beat-down at school.

"Secondly," Shelby continued, "I really was trying to side-step the legal agreement. A letter or a phone-call would have left physical evidence that I had broken the rules. The tape just had me singing on it, but there was no way to prove where it had come from."

"And…" Puck prompted because he had a feeling there was more.

Shelby looked him in the eye. "You're a smart kid, but I'm sure you know that. And…I made the tape because I was trying to protect my heart a little bit. If Rachel had listened to the tape, and then wanted to meet with me, I would have been ecstatic. But, is she wanted to avoid direct contact, then at least I would have been able to avoid a rejection straight to my face."

Rejection does suck, Puck had to admit. He also knew from personal experience that rejection from Rachel sucked hardcore.

Now that most of his anger had dissipated, Puck wasn't sure what to ask.

"So…like…do you still want a relationship with her?"

Shelby smiled a sad smile. "I'm not sure. Lately, I've been doing some reflecting, and I realized that something was missing. I'm not getting any younger, and I regret that I don't have anyone to share my life with."

Puck's head was starting to spin from all this conversation. He rubbed his temples to ease some of the pain.

"Do you think Rachel can fill that empty space?"

"I don't know. I've watched some of Rachel's recent performances, and they have been wonderful. But, every time I see her I'm struck by how grown-up she is. Despite her age, I've been hoping that my maternal instincts would kick in so that I could bond with her. So far, it hasn't worked yet. I guess creating or giving birth to a child doesn't automatically make someone a parent."

Tell me about it, Puck thought as he reflected on his own situation.

Puck noticed that Shelby's eyes were getting red and a bit misty.

"I'm afraid I might have made a mistake," Shelby confessed as she grabbed a tissue off her desk and dabbed at her face..

"Rachel has a great life now, and I don't want to ruin it. Thank you for bringing the tape to me, but I think it's best if I leave her alone."

Puck briefly contemplated opening up a (metaphorical) container of salt and pouring it into Shelby's wound. He could call her selfish. He could call her a mediocre performer. Or, he could tell her those pants made her look big and she had never completely lost the baby weight (which was totally not true). Instead, he decided to just speak his mind.

Puck pointed a finger at Shelby. "It's your loss."

Shelby calmly accepted the truth of the statement. "I know."

Puck added, "You're the only one who loses here because no matter what else happens, Rachel is gonna be fine without you."

"I hope she will be. Rachel deserves only the very best," Shelby said sincerely.

For once, Puck agreed.

This visit hadn't gone exactly as he had planned, but Puck felt that he and Shelby had reached some kind of understanding.

"Here's your Soy, Toffee Nut, White Mocha. And yes, I did remember the extra whip…"

Puck turned around and saw Jesse walk into the office carrying a large Styrofoam cup.

Jesses' eyes widened as he took in Puck's presence, and they got even bigger when he saw the object that was in Shelby's hand.

"So good of you to join us Jesse," Shelby said. "Puck was just returning this to me."

"Oh, that's nice," Jesse responded because he didn't know what else to say.

Shelby took a few steps toward the center of the room. She stared directly at Jesse, "This is kind of funny because I could have sworn that you told me the tape had gotten lost. I also remember the part of the conversation where you said that Rachel had dumped you and you just wanted to return to Vocal Adrenaline."

Jesse proceeded with caution. "I may have said that."

Shelby inched even closer. "What you also neglected to mention was that you and your teammates thought it would be funny to pelt a teenage girl with garbage, a teenaged girl who you happened to know was my daughter."

Jesse shrugged his shoulders sheepishly.

"Part of me wants to go to the principal and get you all expelled myself!" Shelby was so close to Jesse now that she was definitely invading his personal space.

"Whoa, whoa, hold up," Puck jumped in. If VA got disqualified from Regionals because of pranks, then so wouldn't his team.

"If you don't mind Ms. Corcoran, I think Jesse and I can settle our own differences in the hallway. There's no need to get anyone else involved."

Jesse nodded his head in agreement.

Shelby didn't say anything for a while, so Puck was getting ready to make a break for it. Finally, she agreed to let them go.

"You two can leave as long as you promise me that there will be no more pranks, and no physical violence. I am not in the mood today to clean up blood off the floor."

"Promise," Puck and Jesse said in unison.

Shelby looked at Jesse. "Fine, now give me my coffee and get out."

Jesse handed over the cup, and then he and Puck went into the hallway, making sure to shut the office door behind them.

As soon as they were alone, Jesse started to ramble. "I know you must be pretty pissed about that whole prank on Rachel, but you have to believe me that it wasn't my idea. I didn't throw one piece of food at her, and I would have stopped the other guys from doing it, but I just couldn't."

Puck kept his cool. "You couldn't stop them from humiliating your girlfriend because…?"

"I like Rachel. She's kind of like a Furby. A little creepy and needy on the outside, but you can't help but want to take care of her. But, at the end of the day, this was a business arrangement. I have other priorities that I need to focus on. I'll be graduating this year, and another competition win would look great on my professional resume."

"That's kind of screwed up dude."

Jesse scoffed. "Please, Rachel is probably over me already. For a girl who's supposed to be a social outcast, she sure gets a lot of attention from you and Finn."

Puck opened his mouth and then closed it. However crazy it might be, Rachel's milkshake did bring all the boys to the yard.

"I don't know why you're mad," Jesse continued, "you should be ecstatic that I'm not going to your school anymore. You get to be Rachel's hero thanks to me."

He did have a point, Puck admitted.

Jesse smiled. "Plus, when my team annihilates yours at Regionals, Rachel will be looking for someone to comfort her."

"We'll see," Puck said.

"It's an inevitability," Jesse assured him.

Puck decided it was time to leave.

"Okay, have it your way…"

Puck faked like he was going to start walking away, but then he punched Jesse hard on the shoulder.

Jesse hadn't even seen it coming because Puck knew how to float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.

Jesse rubbed his throbbing arm.

"Why did you do that? Ms. Corcoran said no violence."

"She did say that," Puck agreed, "but I've been waiting to do that since I first met you, _St. Bernard_."

Jesse reasoned that he had probably gotten off easy. After all, he still had full function of all of his limbs (at least he would when his arm stopped tingling).

"I guess I deserved that. See you at Regionals, _Puckzilla_."

"Later," Puck said as he saluted and then proceeded to swagger down the hall.

Today had been a successful day.

Puck still had his mojo, and putting Jesse in his place had been as awesome as he imagined.

Now, onto Regionals.


	11. Chapter 11

"Holy crap, that was kind of awesome!" Puck found himself saying as New Directions exited the stage to thunderous applause.

The glee kids stomped (or rolled) down the stairs (or ramp) and made their way into the backstage area.

"I can barely hear myself think," Quinn commented on the noise coming from the crowd.

"We kicked ass!" Finn exclaimed.

"We kicked so much ass dude that the other teams' butts are gonna have two cracks," Puck replied.

Rachel cringed momentarily at the visual image Puck had just painted.

"I feel like a rock-star," Artie said while holding up his fingers like Richard Nixon. "We're clearly what the people want…they should impeach Vocal Adrenaline. Their reign is ovahhh."

"That was crazy y'all. Look at my arms, I've got goose-bumps," Mercedes added.

"Me too," Tina responded, "And girl you sounded like Aretha out there."

The glee kids sang out the letters R-E-S-P-E-C-T and then burst into laughter.

"Can we talk about the group _Aural Intensity_ for a second? I mean seriously, _seriously_? They might as well be called blow-jo…hey Mr. Schuester," Puck swallowed his words (ha) when he saw their teacher approach.

Mr. Schuester clapped his hands as he walked closer. "I am so proud of everyone. You guys absolutely nailed it."

"Like a two-dollar hooker," Puck quipped.

Mr. Schuester was so happy that he didn't even notice the comment.

"Regardless of the outcome, I think we all can be satisfied in knowing that we did our best and put on one heck of a show."

"If I may say something Mr. Schuester," Rachel moved forward.

"The floor is yours." Mr. Schuester stepped away for a minute to make a phone call to Emma and give her an update.

"As group leader, I would also like to offer my congratulations to the team. Our vocals were solid, our choreography was relatable in a feel-good way, and I think we took a few risks that paid off. I mean, that key change on _Don't Stop Believin'_ was genius, and I'm not just saying that because it was my idea. Anyways, it was a privilege getting to know all of you this past year. It's amazing to think that glee club started out with five lonely voices, and has now grown into a symphony of twelve. I know I can be annoying and pushy sometimes, but you guys have found a way to put up with me. I guess what I wanted to say the most was…thank you for being my friends."

Rachel waved her hands in front of her face like a beauty pageant queen who was trying not to cry.

"Get over here girl," Mercedes said as the girls (and Kurt) clustered in a small circle around Rachel and gave her a big hug.

"Chicks," Puck muttered.

"It's kind of nice," Finn stated while watching the girls support each other.

"What is?" Puck asked.

"That the girls can hug like that and express their emotions without it being a big deal. Guys can't really do that without getting crapped on. I mean, we can slap each others' behinds on the football field, but God forbid we ever talk about our feelings."

"Why don't you go join their hug," Puck suggested. "Maybe if you're lucky, you'll start your period the same time as they will. I hear in large groups of chicks, those things tend to sync up."

"Forget it man," Finn said while still looking over and being jealous.

Aw hell. Finn was being serious.

Be cool Puck, be nice…Puck had to remind himself.

He turned to Finn, "Listen dude, do you want to hug?"

Finn was taken aback. "No."

"It's okay. I'm secure enough to give you a hug."

Finn was stern. "I'm good, and keep your voice down."

"You're not cool, you really want a hug."

Finn just shrugged.

Puck tried to get creative. "Would it make you feel better if we called it a huddle instead of a hug?"

Finn thought about it. "Maybe a little."

Puck gestured to Mike, Matt, and Artie, "Alright guys, huddle up."

The guys surrounded Finn. Puck gave him a one-armed hug as the other guys slapped him on the back good-naturedly.

"Okay enough," Puck said after ten seconds. Any longer and he'd be wearing a dress.

Puck noticed that Finn was sniffing a little bit. "Dude, are you _crying_?"

Finn blinked rapidly a few times. "No. I've just got allergies."

"Kay, whatever." Puck stepped away and straightened his tie.

"I'm gonna go get a napkin and blow my nose."

When Finn walked over to the refreshment table, Puck could have sworn he heard him mutter, "Best huddle ever."

The emotional outbursts were put on hold when Brittany noticed the food on the tables and squealed, "Cookies!"

Except for Puck and Rachel, the glee kids rushed over.

"I hope there's chocolate," Mercedes muttered.

"Shocking, that you would want chocolate," Quinn teased.

Mercedes grabbed Quinn's arm and looped it in her own, "Whatever, vanilla. I bet you could out-eat me right now."

"You're probably right. This baby girl is hungry."

Puck watched in disbelief as the two girls laughed together. Who would have ever thought that those two would end up friends?

Rachel seemed to know what Puck was thinking.

"It's kind of funny how seemingly opposite people can just click like that," she said.

Puck turned to face her. "Really? You ever 'click' with somebody who's your opposite?"

"If you're fishing for a compliment Noah, well then you can just keep on swimming," Rachel informed him.

A little tune popped into Puck's head: just keep swimming, just keep swimming, what do we do, we swim, swim, swim.

Puck was gonna move on to a new topic, but then he realized something.

"The question I asked was generic, you're the one who brought up my name. That means you think we clicked right away."

Rachel blushed, but didn't back down. "I don't think my tolerance for you was instantaneous."

Puck's ears perked up. "Oh really? Well then, what was your first impression of me when I came into the choir room?"

Rachel chewed her bottom lip. "Initially, I was just grateful to have more bodies in glee club since we needed at least twelve people to compete."

"And then…" Puck prompted.

"I was relieved that Mr. Schu doesn't normally allow drinks in the choir room because then you couldn't toss a slushie in my face in there."

"Crap, I keep forgetting about that," Puck moaned. "Did your opinion of me change at all once we had been in the same class together for awhile?"

"Not really. You spent most of rehearsal flirting with the Cheerios or talking to Finn, and I had no idea what your voice sounded like until you did your solo."

"But after you heard me sing you thought…" Puck wanted Rachel to finish his sentence.

Rachel put her hand on his arm, "I thought that glee was lucky to have you. And then, once we started to pretend-date, I got to see more of your life. The more I saw, the more I liked you. I know you probably don't want to hear it, but I liked seeing you take care of your little sister. I also liked how you wanted to be there for Quinn."

"And I'm like the best kisser ever," Puck added.

"And so modest too."

Puck smiled. As he looked at Rachel, he could hear voices coming from the door that was slightly ajar behind her back.

He took a closer look and saw a sign that read _**Judges Panel**_.

Puck put a finger to his lips telling Rachel to be quiet. He motioned for her to move towards the door.

Rachel looked unsure. "I don't think this is a good idea Noah," she whispered. "We could get into trouble."

"We're not gonna get into trouble. If anyone walks by, we'll just start to make-out and say we got so carried away we didn't know where we were."

Rachel didn't quite know what to say, but she let Puck drag her closer to the door.

With heads practically touching, Puck and Rachel leaned in to eavesdrop.

"_I know we're not technically supposed to deliberate until all the groups have gone, but what did you guys think of New Directions?"_

"Josh Groban?" Puck mouthed to Rachel since he wasn't quite sure who the voice belonged to.

Rachel shrugged; she was having a hard time hearing anything through the door.

"_Let me stop you right there Josh Groban. We can talk about the musical freak-show gum-flappers in a second. What I want to know right now is what the heck was going on in the auditorium. Every five minutes, I could feel an admittedly soft hand near my sweet derriere. Unless ONJ over there has switched teams recently, I have to assume that your digits were the ones groping my posterior."_

Puck could recognize that voice anywhere. It belonged to a certain cheerleading coach named Sue Sylvester. Puck was going to have to pour bleach on his head later to try and erase the image of Josh Groban grabbing Sue's ass. Yuck.

"_There is a perfectly reasonable explanation for that. See, I splurged and bought a box of milk duds, and I accidentally kept dropping them behind your chair…"_

"_As you're probably well aware, I spend most of my days trying to teach life lessons to lazy, Ritalin-addicted, two-faced, hormonally-imbalanced teenagers with chips on their shoulders the size of Dayton. Therefore, you might say I know a thing or two about lying. Right now, Josh Groban, I think you are being untruthful."_

Puck heard footsteps. He assumed that Sue was walking closer to Josh. Puck wasn't normally one for saying prayers, but he tossed one up to the Good Lord on Groban's behalf.

"_Listen Josh, I'm practically thirty-five so I understand the appeal of older ladies. We're more experienced, more adventurous in the bedroom; we know what we want and we're not afraid to get it. Who cares if there's a little crying involved—on your part, not mine."_

Forget bleach, Puck was going to need a couple of six-packs to erase his memory. He figured an alcohol-induced blackout might be his best option right about now.

"_Alright, I'll confess. What can I say Sue, you raise me up so I can stand on mountains. You raise me up to more than I can be."_

"_I don't need a play-by-play of what's going on in your pants_."

"_I can't help what I feel; your track suit enchants me."_

"_I found this one on a stiff at the morgue. I figured, what the heck, they aren't using it anymore."_

"_I love that you're a fan of recycling. Go Earth."_

This was like a terrible car crash. Puck knew that he should walk away, but he just couldn't turn his attention from the horror.

Rachel was a bit of a masochist, so she also stood transfixed at the door.

"_I can't take anymore of this revolting flirting. This conversation is going to make me throw up an hour ahead of schedule."_

Ahhh, the sweet dulcet tones of Olivia Newton John. Puck breathed a small sigh of relief. Maybe Olivia was there to save them all.

"_I for one can't wait until this blasted competition is over. I have an appointment for botox injections later. I felt my face move earlier today, and that is just not acceptable."_

"_I bet I could make other parts of your body move. Wanna get physical?"_

Ugh, some dude with a deep voice was now hitting on ONJ. Her response was a sarcastic laugh.

"_Is that the best you can do? That line is rubbish, and I've heard it a million times before."_

"_I plan on using that line as a slogan for my new fitness program. I've already got my commercial worked out. It will go something like this: Hey fatties. Let's get physical. We'll start with some push-ups…unless you want the next time you hit the floor to be because you're having a myocardial infarction. Yeah, didn't think so. Now, move that blubber!"_

"_I'd do your program. Does it involve any hands-on training?"_

Puck shook his head in disbelief. Josh Groban was kind of a pervert. Puck couldn't even enjoy his close proximity to Rachel because the conversation he was overhearing was going to permanently scar him for life.

"_That's it Groban. I've had about enough of you."_

Apparently, Sue felt the same way Puck did.

A clipped Australian accent chimed in, _"Would you look at the time, I think we should be returning to our seats. The sooner we do that, the sooner this nightmare will be over."_

Puck started to lean back, but he heard Sue say, _"There's just one more thing I need to do."_

Puck and Rachel waited. After a few seconds, they heard a slight scuffle and a rattling sound.

A pitiful voice yelled, "_My milk duds!"_

"_I think you've had enough candy for today. One more thing, if your hand so much as grazes me even once during the rest of the show—and I don't care if I'm choking and you're trying to perform CPR—I will bite it off with precision. Do I make myself clear?"_

"_Crystal."_

With that, Puck and Rachel had had enough. They fled to the safety of the refreshment table with hands over their mouths. When they were a safe distance away, they burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Finn asked while holding a stack of cookies.

The rest of the glee kids were spread out around the room, either sitting in chairs or standing in corners.

Puck tried to speak between fits of laughter… "Listened to… judges…. Groban…a… freak…Ms. Sylvester…a cougar?...inappropriate touching…bite off…milk duds…" Puck trailed off.

Rachel got control of her behavior first. "It was one of those things where you had to be there."

Finn just smiled, and shoved the cookies in his mouth.

Puck had to think of something really sad (Bambi's mother dying) to calm down.

Damn hunters.

She never really got a chance to live.

Okay, he was fine now.

"I can't believe that just happened," he said to Rachel.

"Me neither. Being a seasoned performer, I've heard about the dark-side of show business for quite some time, but the conversation in that room was eye-opening to say the least."

Puck filled two paper cups with some punch, and handed one over to Rachel.

"Thanks," she murmured as she took a sip.

Puck took a sip of his own and had an unsettling thought.

"Do you think what we heard in there hurts our chances of winning?" he asked.

Rachel set her cup down on the table. "What do you mean?"

"It just seems like those judges weren't all that interested in judging. Do you really think they're going to be fair?"

"I wish I had my camera to capture this moment. Noah Puckerman is actually concerned about people doing what's right and following the rules," Rachel teased.

"In this case, you bet your ass I am," Puck said stubbornly. "We worked so freakin' hard to get here, and I don't want it to get ruined by a vindictive cheerleading coach, a plastic movie star, or two creepy dudes."

"Relax Noah, I know how these things work. Even if Vocal Adrenaline completely blows us out of the water, we will still place in the top two."

Puck wasn't quite convinced. "Are you sure?"

Rachel squeezed his right arm, "Positive. Aural Intensity went first, that makes them forgettable. Plus, their song choices were unimaginative. I meant what I said before. Our performance was solid. I don't think we have anything to worry about."

Puck shoved some potato chips in his mouth and chewed slowly. "I hope you're right."

Rachel turned to face him completely. "Would it make you feel better if we hugged?"

What? Where did that come from?

"I saw you before in a, what did you call it, oh yeah…a huddle with Finn. I thought the whole thing was kind of sweet."

Oh great, Puck thought, Rachel was going to give him a complex if she kept using that word to describe him.

But, Puck wasn't dumb enough to reject full body contact with a smokin' hot babe. And Rachel did look good in her costume.

"Well," Rachel said, "How about that huddle?"

"I don't want a huddle," Puck informed her. Rachel's face fell a little in disappointment.

Puck wasn't done, "I will, however, accept a hug."

Rachel's face broke out into a huge grin.

Puck wrapped his arms around her body and held her close.

Good God, she smelled fantastic.

Like strawberries…or flowers, or some crap like that.

Puck inhaled deeply.

He wondered how girls always managed to smell so good because guys usually smelled awful.

Puck didn't like to generalize (heck yes he did) but let's just say that he never once entered a guys' locker room and thought…oh it's fresh like a spring meadow in here.

Whatever.

Puck decided to just enjoy the situation. Thinking about the mysterious ways of women was liable to make one's head hurt.

Puck was content to continue hugging Rachel for as long as she would let him.

I could fall asleep standing right here, Puck mused since he was so relaxed.

A commotion in the background startled Puck from his hug induced stupor.

"Oh my god, you've sprung a leak!" Artie bellowed.

"Whatever you do, don't let it touch your shoes…they'll be ruined," Kurt cautioned.

"I think we're supposed to get some towels and boiling water. I'd do it, but I'm not allowed to touch the stove," Brittany informed the group.

"Shut up you morons. Somebody needs to call 9-1-1 and tell them that I'm in labor," Quinn screamed.

Wait, what?

Labor?

Puck's mind raced wildly, and he had a quick flash of Quinn doing some manual labor—like cleaning parts and packing boxes.

But then, she lost her job at the factory…

I need to snap out of this, Puck thought.

All eyes were on him as he whipped out his cell phone and dialed the number.

"9-1-1. What's your emergency?"

"Hi. My baby mama is in labor right now," Puck spit out as fast as possible. "This is my first kid so I'm not really sure what to do."

"Please remain calm sir. How far along is she?"

"She's pretty huge," Puck started to say.

"Eight months you idiot," Quinn shrieked.

"She's…"

"I actually heard that," the operator told him. "Have her contractions started?"

"Um…"

"OWWWWWWWWWW!"

"Yup, they've started."

"Good. Has her water broken?"

Puck knew the answer to this one.

"Yes, it's like everywhere."

"I see. Now this is important, is the fluid clear?"

"Er…"

The operator sensed his discomfort. "If there is no blood, then you can proceed to the hospital as quickly and as safely as possible. I know it seems urgent now, but labor can take hours if not over a day."

"OWWW! It hurts! I want an epidural like yesterday!" Puck felt helpless as he watched Mercedes and Tina try to console Quinn.

"So there's like no chance the baby could come before we get to the hospital, right?" Puck wanted to make sure.

"If the contractions get really close together, you might want to pull over and check and see if the baby is crowning…"

Puck started to feel dizzy.

His brain was crammed with horrifying pictures and words.

Water, blood, fluid, clear, murky, pain, contraction, epidural, pushing, shoving, crowning, messy, cries, gooeyness, did he mention the pain…

For a person used to bullying, Puck had a bit of an issue with bodily fluids.

"I don't feel so good," Puck whispered to Rachel who was still standing in front of him.

Rachel was concerned. "What can I do?"

"Catch me," Puck said as he fell backwards onto the floor.

Rachel kneeled over him. "Noah?"

He was still confused. "You smell nice," he told her.

"Huh?" Rachel asked.

"G'nite," Puck said as he turned his head and closed his eyes.

For the first time in his life, Puck had fainted.

Rachel contemplated slapping his cheeks to revive him, but decided against it.

She was sure Puck would be okay once medical help arrived.

Several adults, including a recently returned Mr. Schuester, were already swarming around Quinn and trying to assess her medical condition.

Rachel turned her attention back to Puck.

She called his name softly several times, but got no response.

She hated to admit it, but a part of her was relieved.

This would give her ample time to scramble away from the scene of the incident and let professionals take over.

Rachel knew that once Puck woke up, he was going to be pissed that he had "fainted like a girl."


	12. Chapter 12

"Are you sure you're alright Noah?" Rachel asked with concern in her voice as she handed him an ice pack.

"I'm fine," Puck shot back at her. He took the ice pack and pressed it gingerly against the swelling lump on the right side of his head.

These hospital chairs might as well be made out of concrete, Puck thought as he shifted to try and find a more comfortable position. When he was younger, he used to make fun of his mother for bringing her own seat cushions to sporting events. Right now, he would kill for a little cushion, no matter how dorky looking, because his ass was falling asleep.

Oh well. Puck decided to focus on his head injury instead. Thankfully, the waiting room around him was quiet and fairly empty. Aside from Rachel, there was an old lady knitting in the corner, and some young kid was sleeping on two chairs.

Rachel grabbed the seat next to Puck, and took a peek at his injury while he was fiddling with the ice pack. She winced when she saw the size of his lump.

"Maybe you should have a doctor examine that," she cautioned him.

"Look around Rachel, we're in the _Maternity_ Ward. I don't think I have the right…uh…_equipment_ for the doctors to look at up here."

Rachel rolled her eyes because she knew Puck was being difficult on purpose. "We're in a hospital," she chided, "there are tons of doctors around on different floors."

"I'm fine," Puck repeated.

"You don't look fine. You might even have a concussion…"

Puck interrupted, "I didn't even hit my head that hard."

"No, not the first time you fainted."

Puck sat up straight in his chair. "Who told you about the second time?"

Rachel tried to tread carefully. "When I was in the hallway asking a nurse for your ice pack, I passed the EMT who brought you and Quinn in the ambulance. He saw us together backstage at Regionals, so he asked me if you were doing okay."

"Traitor," Puck muttered.

"Do you want to tell me what happened in your own words?"

Since there were other people in the ambulance to act as witnesses, including Quinn, Puck figured he might as well spill now.

"I was in the ambulance, and everything was going fine. I was sitting next to Quinn, and I was letting her squeeze my hand during the contractions. She kept digging her nails into my palm, but I didn't even say anything cause I figured I owed her one, ya know, on account of her carrying my kid and stuff."

Rachel nodded her head in understanding and urged him to continue.

"When we were almost to the hospital, Quinn had a really big contraction. I mean humondo…she was screaming and yelling. She mentioned Jesus a few times, but it wasn't in a prayin' kind of way if you know what I mean. Anyways, after all that the paramedic says that he needs to check how many centimeters she's dilated. The next thing I remember, I am on the floor of the ambulance with a whopping headache. Apparently, the corner of the gurney broke my fall."

Rachel covered her mouth with her hand, but a small chuckle escaped.

"You fainted because you heard the word 'centimeter'?"

Puck got defensive, "The metric system freaks me out okay."

Rachel laughed a few more times.

"Excuse me for being a fan of good ol' inches and feet."

Rachel managed to get herself under control. "I'm sorry for laughing. I'm sure this must happen to a lot of first time dads. The stress can be tough to handle. I know you may feel self-conscious, but there is nothing to be embarrassed about."

"Yes there is, I fainted like a girl."

"I should have bet money; I knew you were going to say that," Rachel mumbled.

"Huh?" Puck couldn't quite make out the words.

"Nothing. I'm not going to say anything to dispute your claim because I know it won't change your mind."

Puck took the ice pack off his head to give his arm a break from holding it there. He tossed the pack from one hand to the other.

Rachel sat silently beside him for a few moments.

Puck got over his annoyance at himself to say something that he had been thinking, "Hey Rachel, thanks for coming to the hospital. You know you didn't have to."

"When you were knocked out, the first time, Quinn asked Mercedes to follow behind the ambulance. I came along to keep her company."

"Oh," Puck said. He had been hoping that she had come to see him.

"And," Rachel took a deep breath, "I came to see you."

Sweet, Puck thought.

"I figured you could use the support," Rachel added.

"You were right," Puck told her. He was grateful that she was there.

Puck glanced around the room to make sure that no one was listening to their conversation. Granny was still knitting in the corner, and Puck was impressed that the young kid was still asleep on what could only be described as a bed of nails.

"So," Rachel said, "do you have any idea how Quinn is doing?"

"She shooed me away, and told me to wait in here until she had gotten settled. I guess Mercedes is in there with her right now. Somebody is supposed to come and get me when the action starts picking up, whatever the heck that means."

"I'm sure the nurses are taking good care of her."

"Yeah. So, have you gotten any updates from the competition? Vocal Adrenaline should have performed by now."

Rachel rummaged through her purse, and pulled out her phone. "Finn is supposed to text me as soon as there is any word. All the glee members really wanted to come to the hospital, but there was no way they could come here and then get back in time for the results to be read."

"Are you sure you don't want to be there to see Jesse's face if we actually beat them?" Puck teased. "If you're lucky, he might even cry a little."

"I'm sure." She grabbed the ice pack from his hands and held it against his head, "Somebody has to be here to take care of you in case you faint for a third time. Aw don't pout, was that joke a little too soon?"

"No, it was a good one," Puck could acknowledge a solid burn when he heard one. "I still can't actually belief that it happened though. I've never fainted in my life."

Rachel gestured to the posters on the walls that were covered in babies and had titles like, "The Miracle of Life."

"To be fair, you've never been in a situation quite like this before…right?"

Puck gave Rachel a look that said: what kind of person do you take me for?

Rachel shot him a look right back that seemed to say: have you met yourself, you tend to get around.

Puck thought about the vast number of girls he had hung out with over the years, and admitted that he was the loser of the non-verbal stare-down. "Fine," he said, "You may have a point. As far as I know, this kid is the only one I've got."

"I'm not an expert when it comes to examining a person's psychological state of mind, but if I had to guess, I would say that perhaps your fainting is a result of anxiety. Mentally, you're unwilling to admit that this is a scary situation so your fears are manifesting themselves into physical symptoms."

Puck rolled his eyes towards the direction of the ice pack. "In case you've forgotten, I have a bit of a head injury over here…and I'm starting to get woozy. If you could maybe save the diagnosis for another time, I would appreciate it."

Rachel grabbed Puck's hand and forcefully placed it over his injury, "Fine, you can hold your own ice pack."

Puck didn't need her help. "Fine then, I will."

"Good," Rachel retorted.

"Fan-freakin-tastic," Puck replied.

Owww, if Puck didn't know better, he would guess that Rachel had given him a second lump when she had slammed his hand down.

Puck was a bit peeved. He didn't understand why Rachel had to analyze every single little thing. What was the world coming to if a guy couldn't faint a few times in one day and go on pretending like nothing ever happened?

Jeeze…

"Hard-headed moron…refusing to get medical treatment…utterly foolish…" Rachel said under her breath.

"Nosy…blabbermouth…always prying into other people's business…"

Two can play at this game, Puck thought.

"Would you guys just hurry up and do it already?" a female voice said from the corner.

Puck looked up, but the only person he saw sitting over there was the knitting lady.

"Excuse me?" Rachel said.

The woman put her knitting needles down on her lap. She peered at Puck and Rachel over the rims of her glasses.

"I've been listening to you both yammer on for the past fifteen minutes, and right now I feel like I could cut the sexual tension with a knife."

First off, Puck had to admire the old lady's hearing. Perhaps, there have been great strides made in hearing aid technology, Puck speculated. Secondly, Puck had to wonder if the old lady was crazy. He had heard stories about weirdos sneaking into hospitals. Puck figured it would be easy for her…no one ever suspected the elderly (until it was too late).

Puck glanced over at Rachel, and she gave him an understanding nod; they were both on the same page.

Puck wanted to ask her…"Do you have one of those button things to push?" but he thought better of it. Whenever those commercials came on—the, help, I've fallen and I can't get up ones—Puck would crack up. He pictured the old broad at the bottom of the stairs, and he lost his train of thought.

Thankfully, Rachel stepped in to handle the situation. In a loud tone and at a slow pace, Rachel said, "Do you need any help mam? Is there someone we can call for you?"

"Hush missy, I'm not deaf or senile. I've got all my faculties…I'm not sure the same can be said about you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rachel was used to being called names, but not by strangers.

"It means that you should snap that young man up before someone else grabs him."

Puck usually liked being thought of as a piece of meat, but this lady made him feel uncomfortable.

Rachel tried to be tactful. "I appreciate the input, but I really don't see how this is any of your concern Mrs…"

The lady chuckled. "You can call me Edna."

"Okay, Edna. My name is Rachel, and this here is Puck."

"Puck, what a delicious name that is," Edna commented. "Think of all the dirty limericks you could write with that."

"I have," Puck informed her. "I have a whole notebook full. I started writing in it when I was in third grade."

"I knew by the look of you that you know how to have a good time, and not take things too seriously."

"And how," Puck said.

"Do you know someone who's having a baby?" Rachel asked Edna.

"Yes, my forty-year-old daughter. She's having a change of life baby. I told her I was too old to have another grandchild, but she wouldn't listen."

"How many grandchildren do you have?"

"Six. The youngest is right over there," Edna pointed to the sleeping child. "His name is Jacob. He didn't want to be in the room while his mother was yelling and screaming, so I offered to wait out here with him."

"That's nice," Rachel told her.

"Truth be told, I don't mind not having a ringside seat to the main event. Birth is a messy business. That's probably why you've been fainting," Edna pointed to Puck.

Rachel shot him an "I told you so" look.

"I guess, but it doesn't really make any sense. I'm a stud, and let's just say that I'm a quick study when it comes to anatomy. A little blood should not freak me out like this." Puck wasn't sure why he was spilling his guts to a complete stranger. Regardless of the reason, it felt good to talk about these things with someone that wouldn't judge him.

"All the classes you go to and all the books you read talk about the miracle of life, and the wonderful gifts that children are blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong, kids are great. They're fun to make, and it's nice if they look like you. What people neglect to mention is that birth is just plain ol' gross. You got things flying at you, there's pain and wailing involved. There's a dark abyss, and you're 98% sure that a kid is gonna come through, but there's a small doubt in your mind that a kidney might come shooting out instead."

"That's an interesting way to put it," Puck remarked.

"It's all worth it in the end though when that little baby looks at you for the first time," Edna said while smiling.

Puck felt a twinge in his gut. He still had mixed feelings about the adoption, but he had agreed to do whatever Quinn wanted.

Rachel could sense Puck's unease, so she tried to steer the conversation into safer territory.

"So, what are you knitting?" she asked Edna.

Edna held up her work, "A hat for the new baby."

"How nice. Looks like you'll be done soon."

"Mm-hmm," Edna answered. "Nice try, Rachel, but I've got the memory of an elephant. You still haven't told me if you and Puck are an item."

Puck had to admire her spunk. "You just found out that I'm having a baby with another girl," he reminded her.

"That's true, but kids today swap partners like they're in a darn square dance. I also happened to overhear you talk about the mother of your child. What I gathered is that while you respect her a great deal, you're not in love with her. Also taking into account your age and the way you froze when I mentioned holding a baby, I'm going to assume that you're leaning towards adoption."

Damn. She was good.

"You should join the psychic hotline because you've got mad skills," Puck told her.

"Thanks. So what's the deal with you two?"

Rachel paused, and Puck pulled the ice pack off his head since it was no longer cold. Neither one of them wanted to answer the question.

"Come on. Let an old woman live vicariously through you for a second."

"It's a bit complicated," Rachel started.

"We fake dated for awhile first even though we couldn't really stand each other." Puck added.

"We were trying to make other people jealous," Rachel explained further.

"But, we ended up getting really close in the process," Puck finished her sentence.

:"Eventually we started dating for real..."

"Until Rachel decided to take a blowtorch to my poor heart," Puck said while clutching his chest.

Rachel smacked him on the arm. "I did not 'blowtorch' your heart. I simply told you that I didn't think there was a long-term future for us. I decided to end things before anyone got too deeply invested."

Puck felt an old frustration flare up. "But then you moved straight on to Jesse with hardly a mourning period at all. What the heck was that about?"

Rachel was tired of having to defend herself, "I already explained to you that I only found Jesse attractive because of his musical talent. I was with him because I thought he liked me for me."

"Look how well that turned out. I tried to warn you, but you wouldn't listen. So once again, I had to save your butt at the last second."

"Shut it Puckerman! My butt has been doing just fine without you."

Where's my dirty limerick book when I need it, Puck thought.

Edna put two fingers in her mouth and let out a shrill whistle. "Whoa, time-out. Everybody back to their corners."

"I'm sorry, we tend to argue," Rachel explained.

"A lot," Puck clarified.

Edna chuckled to herself. "Your bickering reminds me of the way I used to fight with my husband Norman. Ooh, we had some doozies."

Puck clutched his arm where Rachel had hit him. "Did you get divorced?"

"Noah!" Rachel hated when Puck was purposely rude.

"Just the opposite. We were married for forty-seven years."

"Wow," Rachel replied.

"I can hardly believe it myself. Norman died last August. Even now, I think about some of our old fights. We could argue about anything. Luckily, I realized pretty quickly that having heated debates spices things up a bit."

Edna stood up and placed her knitting on the chair. "Making up with each other was great too," she said while raising her eyebrows suggestively, "just some food for thought. I'm going to use the little girls' room. Do you mind watching my grandson for a few minutes?"

Rachel agreed, and Edna went into the bathroom adjacent to the waiting area.

Rachel made sure Jacob was still asleep, and then she leaned back in her chair.

"That's so sad about her husband," Rachel commented.

"Maybe the poor dude offed himself…"

"You're terrible."

"I'm serious; maybe he got tired of his wife's incessant talking."

"I'll give you a pass because I know you're freaked out right now. Besides, I have firsthand knowledge that you have a sensitive side. Remember the time I notebooked you?"

Puck's strategy right now was deny, deny, deny.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he told Rachel.

"Yes you do. Remember the time I invited you to my house and we watched _The Notebook_? I swear I saw you tearing up at the end."

"I was not tearing up; I was eating cheetos and then I wiped my eye. Therefore, I was reacting because I was momentarily blinded by processed cheese dust."

"Sure…" Rachel wasn't buying it.

"That's my story and I'm sticking to it." Puck vowed.

"I know it happened, and that's all that matters," Rachel informed him.

"You can think what you want as long as it doesn't get spread around. I'm probably too _hard-headed_ _and foolish_ to even notice."

"You forgot _moronic_," Rachel pointed out.

"Right," Puck concurred.

"Perhaps, I am a bit too _nosy _for my own good," Rachel offered as a kind of apology.

"And…" Puck made a motion with his hands for her to continue.

"And, I guess I also have a tendency to talk too much and share information that other people do not want shared."

"I'll say," Puck muttered. "So we're good now, right?" Puck needed confirmation because Rachel's moods changed too frequently for him to keep up.

Rachel smiled. "Yes, we're good."

"Cool."

Puck looked at the clock on the wall, and wondered what the hell was taking so long.

Rachel noticed that Puck was getting antsy.

"Does your head still hurt? Do you need more ice?"

"Nah, I'm good. What do you think is going on in there?" Puck's eyes darted towards the hallway.

"I thought you said that Quinn wanted to get settled first."

"Unless she's getting a massage, I don't think it takes half an hour to get settled."

"Relax," Rachel told him. "I'm sure they'll come and get you soon."

"What if I faint again?" Puck asked seriously. "I mean, what if they ask me to cut the cord or something, and I pass out. Or worse, I throw up, or even worse than that I accidentally cut off Quinn's foot because I'm trying not to look at other stuff."

Rachel did some fast thinking. She wanted to give Puck some advice that he might actually use.

"When you're in the delivery room, try and distract yourself from the mess."

"How do I do that?" Puck wanted to know.

"Um…well, when the doctor talks about dilation, just think about how funny it feels to get your eyes dilated at the optometrists' office."

"You do get to wear those cool glasses when that happens, and it kind of feels like you're drunk," Puck admitted.

"Exactly." Rachel was encouraged by Puck's reaction. "And when the doctor says the baby is crowning, you can picture the baby wearing an actual crown. Just think, your baby could become royalty or at least be queen of the annual Ohio Dairy Parade."

"I could get down with that. Plus, if she was the dairy queen, we could get free ice cream for a year."

"That's the spirit."

"If all else fails, I can always raid one of the med carts in the hallway. You can act as my lookout."

"Um…" Rachel began to stall. As she looked around the room, she felt her phone vibrate two times.

That meant she had a text message.

"Dun, dun, dunnnnnn!" Puck sang ominously. "So are you gonna look at that or what?"

Rachel held onto her phone tightly. "I will look at it…in a minute."

"Don't be such a baby—ha, that's funny cause of where we are."

"Maybe I'm pausing for dramatic effect," Rachel said defensively.

"I've had more drama than I can handle. If you don't look soon, then I am going to do it for you."

Rachel knew from his tone that he wasn't kidding.

"Fine.".

Rachel breathed in deeply. As she was opening her phone to retrieve the message, Mercedes came into the waiting room.

Puck jumped up from his chair.

"How is she?" He asked nervously.

"She's doing okay. The doctor said she's only three centi…"

Mercedes trailed off when she saw Rachel emphatically shaking her head from side to side.

Rachel was pretty confident that Puck wasn't going to faint again, but taking a few precautions wouldn't hurt.

"What are you doing?" Mercedes asked Rachel.

"Nothing."

Puck wasn't fooled; he had noticed the gesture. "Don't worry Rachel. If I hear the 'C' word, I'll just think of the word centerfielder. That will put my focus on baseball."

Rachel gave him a thumbs up sign to show that she approved.

Mercedes rolled her eyes. She didn't know what had gone on in the waiting room, and she didn't want to know.

She turned to Puck, "Quinn isn't very far along, but she wants to see you."

"Okay." Puck placed the melting ice pack on a side table, and walked to the door.

He stopped when he reached Mercedes, and turned around.

"Thanks again for staying with me," he said to Rachel.

She smiled. "You're welcome."

"Hold up, before I leave, what does the text say?"

Rachel looked down at her phone like it was a foreign object. She had forgotten that she was even holding it.

With trepidation, she flipped open the cover, and read the text.

When she was done, she looked up and said brightly, "False alarm. It's just a text from my dad, he's checking up on me."

"Alright." Puck pointed over his shoulder towards the hallway, "I gotta go."

"You're going to do great," Rachel assured him. "I know it."

Puck winked at her and then he and Mercedes left.

When she was sure they were gone, Rachel read and re-read the text again.

She sat staring at it until she heard the bathroom door open, and she saw Edna come out.

"Jacob's still sleeping," Rachel told her.

"Thanks for keeping an eye out." Edna looked around the room. "Where's your gentleman friend? I swear if you don't take him, I will."

"He went into the delivery room."

"Oh, I hope everything goes okay."

"Me too," Rachel said quietly.

"You alright honey? You look like somebody kicked your puppy."

"I'm fine," Rachel replied.

She shifted in her chair and faced the other direction. Edna could sense Rachel wanted to be alone, so she picked up her knitting and continued to make the hat for her grandchild.

Rachel sat and thought about the day's events. Things had started out on such a good note. She had loved her costume. Her voice had been pitch perfect, and the performance had gone off without a hitch.

Now, everything was changing.

Puck was in the delivery room getting ready to meet the baby he was going to give up for adoption. How bizarre was that.

Rachel's own mother hadn't even looked in her direction once during the course of Regionals.

Rachel still couldn't actually believe that she knew who her real mother was.

To top it all off, Rachel had lied to Puck. The text she had received did not come from her dad. It was from Finn.

Rachel no longer needed to look at the text to know what it said. She felt like the letters would be permanently seared into her brain forever. They read:

**Cant rlly talk. Didn't win, finished 3rd. C U L8r.**

Rachel put her face in her hands to hide her emotions.

The unthinkable had happened.

They had lost.

Worse than that, they didn't even place.

Glee club was officially over.


	13. Chapter 13

"Contemplating the mysteries of the universe?" a female voice asked from the doorway.

Puck's whole body tensed up. He had been alone in his room for the past…he didn't even know how many hours.

Puck had initially passed the time by napping, playing air guitar, building a lego tower, and then napping some more. When that had lost its' shine, he had resorted to staring at the ceiling and counting the ways in which the world sucked (he was up to 297 reasons-some of which included chicks who didn't shave their legs and veggie burgers…yuck).

Even though Puck had wanted to be alone, he was grateful for a distraction. He sat up and moved back so that his spine was supported by the headboard.

"Hey Rachel, come on in," he gestured for her to sit on the edge of the bed.

Rachel lingered in the doorway. "I'm sorry if I'm bothering you. You haven't been answering anyone's calls, so I just decided to take a ride over. Your mom said I should come up here to try and break you out of your depressed state."

Puck raised an eyebrow, "How are you gonna do that?"

"I'm not," she told him, "but misery loves company, and right now I'm pretty miserable."

Rachel lost any momentary nervousness she had about being in Puck's room while uninvited, and approached his bed, "Shove over."

"Bed-hog," Puck muttered as he grudgingly moved a few inches to his right.

Rachel grabbed one of his pillows and placed it behind the small of her back. When she finally managed to get comfortable, she let out a soft sigh.

Although this wasn't quite how Puck pictured getting Rachel into his bed, he would take what he could get.

Rachel looked around the room since she hadn't been in there for awhile.

"Nice lego tower, "she commented. "Is it new?"

"Yup, I just made it."

"Cool."

"Thanks," he said.

"I saw Emily downstairs," Rachel offered.

"How is she doing?" With everything that was going on, Puck had kind of been ignoring his little sister lately.

"She misses you…correction, she misses _bugging_ you. Your mom told her that she has to leave you alone until you're out of your funk."

"I was wondering why it was so quiet," Puck said. "Maybe I'll never cheer up. Being depressed has its advantages. People leave you alone, you don't have to go anywhere or do anything boring like change your clothes or shower."

Rachel wrinkled her nose at the notion. "I guess I got here just in time, your unwashed smell has yet to permeate the air."

"Just wait," Puck promised.

Rachel decided to shift gears. "So, are you planning on coming back to school this week? You've already missed two days."

Puck scratched his head. "School's almost over; we only have a couple more weeks left anyways."

"All the more reason for you to come. You have finals to take. Besides, all of us glee members are trying to spend as much time together as possible before, you know…next year comes and we don't have a club."

"I'll show up for finals," Puck told her, "But I'm not sure I really want to deal with the rest."

"We were thinking about maybe planning a little musical tribute to Mr. Schuester to let him know that we care."

"Why? It's not like he died. Half the class, at least the football players and Brittany, will probably have him again for Spanish."

"Maybe so, but we just wanted to do something nice for him."

"Wash his car or buy him a latte," Puck suggested. "Those are nice gestures, and the great thing is that they both involve minimal effort."

"Wow," Rachel replied, "Your mood really is sour. I thought your mom was kidding when she said she was going to resort to slipping some Prozac in your morning oatmeal."

Puck would have to have a little chat with his mother. He hated when too much of his business got spread around.

"She really told you that I eat oatmeal for breakfast? You didn't just see the can on the counter or something?" Puck wanted to clarify.

"She said she cooks it for you every morning," Rachel told him.

"It's not like I need the extra fiber or anything…I am totally good in that area…I just like it because it reminds me of a simpler time…" Puck trailed off.

Whoa, he thought, that's what you call over-sharing. Maybe being locked in his room for days at a time had adversely affected his social skills (not that he had the greatest ones to begin with).

Rachel nudged Puck's shoulder with her own. "I'm sure you know this by now, but your secrets are safe with me Noah."

Puck nudged back, "Ditto."

"With that being said, do you want to tell me what happened at the hospital after I left?"

Puck immediately felt the metaphorical storm clouds circling his head grow darker. "I thought you came over here to try and cheer me up. Right now, you get an epic fail."

"I tried to give you time to work things out on your own. I only called you twice yesterday. But now your bad mood is adversely affecting me, and I can't have that. Our club needs to come together right now, and that means that you have to work through some of the stuff that's upsetting you."

Puck didn't even know why he bothered to argue with her, Rachel was always right. Even when she was wrong, she somehow managed to turn things around and be right.

"You're bossy," Puck pointed out.

"Understatement of the century," Rachel replied. "But I'll take it as a compliment."

"You would," Puck acknowledged. He put his hands to his head and briefly rubbed his temples. "What was the question again?"

"How'd it go at the hospital?"

"Fine." Puck was going to keep his answers short and sweet.

"How's Quinn doing?"

"Good."

"When will she be back at school?"

"Probably next week. There weren't any complications."

Rachel paused for a moment. She stretched her legs and then crossed the right one over the left. She studied her cuticles and then picked a piece of lint out of her hair—all the while not saying a single word.

As the seconds ticked by and nothing else was said, Puck felt relieved that he had gotten off so easy. Rachel was actually going to respect his bad mood for once and stop asking him questions that were painful to discuss. He really should apologize to her again for saying that she was nosy and a blabbermouth because right now she was being so understanding…

"Did you get to hold her?" Rachel asked so quietly that it took a few moments for Puck to process that she had said anything.

The words "hold her" sent off a chain reaction in Puck's brain. A dozen recently made memories came flooding to the surface.

Puck fighting the urge to faint as the big moment arrived.

Quinn screaming and yelling at him and cursing the universe.

The doctor shouting, "This is it!"

And then, a different kind of cry filling the room. One that was high-pitched and shrill.

A tiny baby wrapped in a pink blanket.

Puck holding on for dear life.

And finally, the adoption agent taking the baby out of Puck's arms and placing her with a nice enough looking couple.

Puck did his best to push the images a little deeper into his consciousness to a place where they wouldn't feel so raw and exposed.

He sniffed a few times, and turned his attention back to Rachel's question. "Yeah, I got to hold her."

Rachel could feel a shift in the air. Even though he would never admit it, she sensed that Puck wanted to get some of this stuff off his chest.

"What was it like?" she prodded gently.

Puck had a stunned expression on his face, "I'm not sure I even have the words to describe it. I was so nervous. She was so frickin small, like the size of a football, but thankfully she wasn't made out of pig guts and junk."

Rachel was slightly disturbed by the comparison, but she let him continue to talk.

"I just kept praying that I wouldn't drop her. She was kind of squirmy at first, and I was afraid she was going to jump ship like my pet goldfish (Admiral Bubbles) did when I was cleaning his bowl. But, once I figured out how to rock her, she settled down. After awhile, I got used to holding her so we just kind of chilled out for a bit in the nursery."

"I think I can picture that," Rachel said. "When you turn on the charm, I doubt any girl could resist."

Puck nodded. "Damn straight. So anyways, Beth and I did some bonding."

He was hesitant to share the next part, but he knew he could trust Rachel. "And then the weirdest thing happened when I was getting ready to hand her over to the adoption agent. I was looking down at her, and I swear she looked back at me. Like really looked. I know it sounds dumb, but it was almost like she knew me and was trying to memorize my face as much as I was trying to memorize hers."

Puck let out a self-deprecating laugh. "That's pretty stupid huh?"

Rachel was quick to disagree, "I don't think so. Beth has half your genes. You're always going to be a part of her, so why wouldn't she know you purely based upon instinct. Besides, you're the one who came up with her name. Maybe she was just saying thank you."

Puck shrugged. If he was being crazy about this situation, then at least Rachel was there on the same boat to provide company.

Rachel was unsure if she should broach the next topic, but her curiosity got the best of her. "Are the adoptive parents going to keep the name Beth?"

"I think so. I don't really know them all that well. Quinn had met with them a few times before, but the first time I saw them was at the hospital. When the adoptive mom was given the baby, she immediately started crying and saying that she had been waiting for Beth for a long time. I guess she had been trying to have a baby for over seven years or something like that. Anyways, she and her husband are good people that got their happy ending and that's all that matters."

Puck's last sentence had a tone of finality. He was done saying what he had to say.

Rachel rubbed Puck's shoulder to give him some comfort. "I know it hurts now, but for what it's worth I think you made the right decision. It seems like raising kids is hard enough for two adults who want and plan a child. I don't think you were ready to be a parent. Some people are never ready to be parents."

Puck realized that Rachel was saying more with her words than she intended. "Are you talking about your mom?"

Rachel grinned sheepishly, "That obvious huh?"

"Only cause I know you," Puck assured her.

Rachel cast her gaze down and smoothed out some non-existent wrinkles on the bedspread, "I talked to her," she confessed.

"Your mom? When?"

"She called me on the phone the day after Regionals. She told me she was sorry for what happened in the parking lot, and with Jesse overall. She also said that she should have never made that tape, and that it was a cowardly thing to do."

Wow, Puck was a bit shocked. After meeting with Shelby, he had been sure that she was just going to blow Rachel off.

"Did you tell her to get bent? To go to hell? To piss off?" Puck lightly slapped his own forehead, "Oh, I forgot who I was talking to. You would never use such vulgar language. You probably thanked her for the call, and for birthing you, and then sent her on her merry way."

"Not quite. I told her that her actions had hurt my feelings, and jeopardized our chances of performing well since Jesse had always planned on returning to his own club. She and I both agreed that it was best if we didn't talk for awhile. She gave me her cell phone number in case I wanted to contact her in the future."

"That was a _mature_ way to handle things," Puck said.

"Coming from you, that sounds like an insult; which is kind of funny because Shelby also happened to mention that a certain young gentleman came to her office for the sole purpose of defending my honor. Sounds like I'm not the only _mature_ one around here."

"Take it back," Puck warned her.

"And if I don't?" Rachel asked sweetly.

"If you don't, then I will shout downstairs to my mother that you are making untoward advances at me."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Please, your mother would never believe that you'd turn down a girl who was throwing herself at you."

"Maybe you're right. Why don't you throw yourself at me so we can test the theory?"

Rachel laughed. "Good idea. When your mom comes in, I can pretend to act shocked and then say, 'But you told me to cheer him up."

Puck cracked a smile. "That's perfect."

"In your dreams."

Puck was beginning to feel better when Rachel suddenly stopped smiling and got a sad look on her face.

"What's wrong?" he asked her.

"I'm going to miss this," she said.

Puck wasn't sure what she meant. "My room? My bed? If that's the case, feel free to sleep over anytime you want."

"I'm not talking about your bed, although it does provide a good amount of lumbar support. I meant that I'm going to miss being so close to you and the rest of the group."

"We can still hang out," Puck said to try and make her feel better.

"I guess so, but it just won't be the same. I'm afraid our relationship only works right now because we share a common interest: glee club. Without it, I don't think we'll have all that much to talk about. The same holds true for all the other members. I bet that next year, we'll all just drift off into our own projects, and that will be that."

Puck didn't even want to think about not having Rachel in his daily life.

"This shouldn't be happening at all. I think the competition was rigged," Puck said angrily. "I can admit that Vocal Adrenaline probably deserved to win, but there's no way we should have finished third behind Oral Hygiene, or whatever the hell they were called."

Rachel shared his frustration. "I concur. But there's nothing we can do about it now, the results have been verified and Aural Intensity finished second."

Puck balled up his fists, "You know what this reminds me of?" he asked Rachel.

"What?"

"Those cereal commercials."

Rachel didn't know what he was talking about. "You're going to have to specify."

"The ones for Trix."

"Um, okay."

"Follow along Rachel. New Directions is like the rabbit. Placing at Regionals is like eating the cereal, and Aural Intensity represents those selfish kids who steal the cereal."

"Noah, I'm still not sure I fully grasp the concept."

Puck threw his hands up in the air. "We're the rabbit who wants the cereal! We worked hard to get the cereal! We deserve to eat the freakin cereal…but noooooo, some greedy, lazy bastards had to come in and take the cereal because, by being the silly rabbit, we supposedly don't deserve to have a nice, sugary treat!"

"Interesting cereal metaphor there, especially considering your love of oatmeal," Rachel commented.

Puck was done with his rant. He said in a more normal tone, "It just sucks. We kicked ass at Regionals and it didn't even matter."

Rachel tried to look on the bright side of things. "Even if the club is over forever, a lot of good things did come out of it. Artie and Tina are together. Mercedes is friends with Quinn—something that would have never happened otherwise. You found a more productive way to spend your time instead of just tossing people into dumpsters. A diverse group of teens got a chance to know and understand a little bit more about each other. That's a lot of good stuff."

Puck liked her list, but he noticed that Rachel left one important thing off. "You and me," he stated simply. "The club brought us together."

Rachel blushed. "That too."

"It's crazy to think back and remember why I even joined glee club in the first place. I wanted to be close to Quinn, but I could have cared less about the music. I even told Finn he was dumb for wanting to join 'homo explosion.'"

"That's an interesting description."

"I know," Puck continued, "But then, a few weeks went by and I really started getting into it. The dances were kind of fun, even if the costumes were stupid, and I liked watching you butt heads with Kurt and Mercedes."

Rachel joined in on the reminiscing. "Then we embarked upon our fictional relationship which turned into a real romance."

"And then you dumped me."

"Like you've never made a mistake," she scoffed.

Puck kept his cool, but he was stoked at what Rachel had just admitted.

"It's been a crazy, damn year," he opted to say.

"It's been a crazy few days," Rachel added.

Puck couldn't resist the urge to tease her a little. "Do you want to punch me?"

Rachel's eyes opened wide. "What?"

"I have it on good authority that when things don't go your way, your fists start swingin around looking for a target."

Rachel held up her right index finger. "That was _one_ incident. One tiny, isolated incident does not a precedent make."

Puck mimicked her tone, "It was not 'one tiny, isolated incident.' You slapped me that time I told you that I had lied to Finn during all the baby mama drama."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that." Rachel shrugged, "Well, that one you deserved."

Puck made his voice go up an octave higher than normal, "Well, that one you deserved."

"Stop that," Rachel demanded.

"Stop that," Puck countered.

"I mean it."

"I mean _it_." Puck emphasized the last word in his quest to be super annoying.

"I take back what I said about you being mature."

"I take back what I…"

Puck's words were instantly muffled when he felt Rachel clap her hand over his mouth.

"Are you done?"

Puck nodded mutely.

"Okay then," Rachel said as she took her hand away.

Puck smirked. "I bet you want to punch me now."

"I have a better idea," she told him.

Puck raised a questioning eyebrow; he wondered what her idea could entail. Rachel didn't seem like the Indian burn or wedgie giving kind so he wasn't sure what to expect.

"Close your eyes," she all but demanded.

Before he even had a chance to think about the consequences, Puck's eyes shut automatically. When a pretty girl who was lying on his bed told him to do something, he did it.

Puck waited in the dark. He heard some of the springs in his bed creak in protest as Rachel shifted her weight. Puck hoped that she wasn't reaching for the pen on his nightstand in order to draw crap on his face or something.

Lord help her if she knocks down my lego tower was Puck's last thought before he felt a light pressure on his lips.

Ohhhh….this was what Rachel had meant.

Puck felt the pressure on his mouth increase in intensity.

She was right, he decided, a kiss was way better than a punch.

Especially this kiss.

Puck was pleased to learn that Rachel hadn't forgotten any of the skills he had previously taught her while they were apart.

He had told her that it was perfectly acceptable for a girl to take charge and tell a guy what she wanted.

As Rachel pushed on his shoulders and forced him to slide down until he was lying completely flat on the bed, Puck figured he was getting the message pretty loud and clear.

He was even content to let Rachel stay in control until she opened her mouth wider and flicked his tongue with her own.

Oh god that feels good, Puck thought. He raised his hands and buried them deep within Rachel's tangled mess of hair. He pulled her closer so that their bodies were in direct contact from head to foot.

Rachel responded by running her hands over Puck's buzzed scalp. That particular motion sent shivers down Puck's spine as well as to other more interesting places. Whatever she was doing, Puck didn't want her to ever stop.

After a few heated minutes, Puck rolled over and took Rachel with him. This was the best he had felt in a long time. A stampede of escaped zoo animals could be running past his window right now, and he wouldn't even notice. Puck continued to devour Rachel's mouth, until she made some deep sounds in her throat that sounded like they could be words.

Puck pulled back a little, "Sorry babe, am I crushing you?"

Rachel shook her head. "No…need…oxygen though."

"Oh, No problem." Puck was having some breathing difficulties of his own. His breath was coming out in short bursts like he had just run a marathon. He sat up completely to give her some space.

Rachel sat up too, but she kept her legs still slightly entwined with Pucks'. She took in a few deep gulps of air, and tried to slow down her heart which was pounding in her chest.

When she got her pulse (somewhat) under control, Rachel smiled in Puck's direction.

"Not that I'm complaining," Puck started off, "But where the hell did that come from?"

"I just took your suggestion. Now you can tell your mom that I assaulted you with my sexual prowess."

Puck shot her a look. "Cute, but I want the real reason."

"Fine, I'll tell you," Rachel agreed. "I just wanted you to have something to remember me by, and I wanted another special memory of you."

Puck rested his hands on Rachel's kneecap. "Don't worry, I told you that we would still hang out no matter what."

Rachel still wasn't convinced. "You say that now, but we're going to be in different classes, I'll still be training to pursue my dream of being onstage, we'll have dissimilar schedules…I just don't see how we can maintain a relationship."

"Fine. Can you hand me that pen and notebook over there?"

Rachel looked at Puck like he had grown another head. "What for?"

"I need to make a list, duh."

Rachel reached over to the table and grabbed the requested items. She handed them to Puck.

"Let's see," he muttered, "I need a megaphone, some locks, and some paint to make signs." Puck scribbled some lines on the paper. "Hey Rachel, maybe you could bring some of those cookies you like to bake. We'll probably need snacks."

Rachel was baffled. "Did you even hear what I said? I said I don't think we can make a relationship work out."

"Oh, I heard you," Puck said while continuing to write.

"So does that mean you don't care?"

Puck put the notebook down and looked into Rachel's eyes. "Of course I care. I want you in my life."

"But I just explained to you that there is no hope for us…"

"The problem with you, Rachel, is that you're giving up too easily. You need to learn how to think outside the box," Puck drew the four-sided shape in the air with his fingers.

"Now, I need to know if you're in or not," he said cryptically.

"Noahhhh," Rachel practically whined, "I still have no idea what you're talking about."

"It's simple. I. Have. A. Plan." Puck paused on each word to make sure that Rachel heard him.

"You have a plan that involves a megaphone, paint, and cookies?"

Puck got defensive, "I haven't worked out all the details yet."

"So…your plan is supposed to achieve what outcome exactly?"

"We're going to save glee club," Puck said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh," Rachel grinned. "Then I'm in."


	14. Chapter 14

"I wonder why we're here," Tina said aloud to the glee members that were assembled in the choir room.

"All I can say is that it better be nothing like our last meeting. I can't participate in any more pranks; the stress is wreaking havoc on my complexion," Kurt spoke up.

"I don't understand why glee club is over," Brittany said in a puzzled tone. "I thought coming in third place was super good. When I was seven, I put on a spelling bee in my basement and I got a bronze medal. It made me so happy."

"Who were you competing against?" Santana asked.

"My toys and stuffed animals. I should have won, but my Teddy Ruxpin and Cabbage Patch Doll were way too smart."

"I must be losin' my damn mind," Mercedes rolled her eyes heavenward, "because I think I'm actually going to miss Brittany's insane ramblings."

Brittany put her hand over her heart. "Thanks Mercedes. I like your hair too."

Mercedes shot the group a look that said, See what I mean?

"Relax guys," Finn said, "Rachel should be coming any second. Her text said to meet at 3:00. In Rachel time, that means she won't be here until at least 3:15 pm."

"I heard that," Rachel as she breezed into the room with a plate in her hands. "I'd get mad at you, but it's a well-known fact that I like to make an entrance."

Rachel set the plate down on the closed piano lid. "Thank you all for agreeing to meet here. Since we've all been feeling down lately, I decided to bring my ooey gooey, decadently glazed, and admittedly terrible for you, sugar cookies."

The glee kids made yum noises.

"Hurray, Rachel baked," Puck said mimicking their reaction from the doorway.

"Nice of you to show up," Finn commented. "What's with the stuff?"

Puck looked down at the computer bag in his left hand, and the clipboard in his right. "Nunya, as in none ya business."

Puck put the computer bag next to the plate on the piano. "Now," he said, "Everyone grab a cookie, and then shut your word-holes. We have some things to take care of, and not a lot of time to do it in."

The glee members filed to the front to partake in Rachel's baked goods, while Puck opened the computer bag, took out a laptop, and some other equipment. He moved the laptop so that it was facing the folding chairs, connected some cords, and then pushed a few buttons until he got a good video link.

Quinn's face popped up on the screen. She was lying in bed at her mom's house, and she was dressed in flannel pajamas and a blue bathrobe. Her hair was brushed, and she had a nice color to her cheeks despite looking a bit tired.

Puck could see her tapping a fingernail to her own screen. "Is this thing on?" she asked as she bit her lip.

"Yup," Puck said. "We're good to go."

Quinn cleared her throat. "Okay. Hi guys," she said while waving at the camera.

"How did you get Quinn to fit in that tiny box?" Brittany wanted to know.

"Hey girl, you look good," Mercedes said to her friend.

"I miss you all," Quinn told them.

"Maybe it's the pound of sugar that's now coursing through my veins," Kurt said while pointing at his half-eaten cookie, "but I'm confused. What the heck is going on here?"

"It's simple," Puck began to explain. "I wanted us to talk as a group. Since Quinn has to stay home and rest for a few days, I figured this camera was the next best thing."

"What do we need to discuss? Rachel, do you still want to do that musical tribute thing for Mr. Schuester?" Matt asked.

"I would like to honor our musical leader, but not necessarily through song. Puck thinks he has a better idea, and I happen to agree with him," Rachel said while smiling.

_Don't stare at her lips. Don't stare at her lips…or anywhere else for that matter_, Puck had to chastise himself.

If he stared at her lips, then he would get distracted thinking about their kiss in his room last night. Or the kiss he had stolen when he saw her this morning. Or the one that had occurred when they had both skipped lunch…

Puck rubbed his hands together to get back focus. "Alright guys, I have a riddle for you to solve. What's pathetic, useless, comes in a group of twelve, and is either sitting in this room or being skyped in right now?"

"Eggs?" Brittany guessed.

They all stared at her.

"I think he's talking about New Directions," Artie corrected.

"Rachel's cookies were already making me feel bloated, but now my body is swelling even more with self-loathing. What a way to cap off such a stellar week," Kurt commented in a depressed tone.

"I can't believe I brushed my hair and put on eyeliner for this," Quinn muttered on her side of the camera.

"Hold on a sec," Puck told them, "I wasn't finished yet. I'm not saying we're pathetic for coming in third. Losing at Regionals does not make us losers—cry-babies and whiners maybe. But, I definitely think that judge politics, and Josh Groban's perviness worked against us."

Rachel caught Puck's eye, and they both shuddered internally in remembrance of the things they had heard during their eavesdropping session.

"What I am saying is that our reaction to the outcome has been embarrassing. Instead of trying to change things, we're in here boo-hooing about how life is unfair because our little club is being taken away. Honestly, I feel like kicking myself in the nads…that's how disgusted I am."

"I'll do that for you," Finn volunteered.

"No!" Rachel said in a voice louder than she intended. "I mean, no one is going to be kicking anyone anywhere." As if almost by reflex, she snuck a quick glance in the direction of Puck's jeans.

Puck smirked, and Rachel blushed. Puck knew that she was still hesitant about "exploring their physical relationship" (her words, not his), but her reaction meant that she was at least thinking about it and didn't want Little Puck damaged in any lasting way.

"What do you want us to do?" Santana asked out of impatience. "Figgins has already made up his mind."

Rachel stepped forward. "If I may interject, what Noah is proposing is an uprising of epic proportions. We need to find some way to convince the student body, the parents, and the school board, that this club is not just a group of a dozen students that enjoy singing and dancing. With our varied interests and backgrounds, we represent all the major factions of this learning institution. We can use that to our advantage. I have called the appropriate sources and arranged for a school board meeting next week complete with media coverage. In order to change Figgins' decision, we need to fill the auditorium with students on the night of the meeting."

Puck cut her off, "Let me translate that into normal English. Here's what needs to go down. We have to show the punks in this place that glee club needs to stay. We also have to put butts in the seats when the Channel 4 news van rolls up. So, we're gonna use what we got."

Puck looked at the notes he had written on his clipboard, and then pointed at Santana and Brittany. "You two need to get the Cheerios to come to the meeting."

"In case you missed the memo," Santana said, "Ms. Sylvester brought us in here to destroy glee club."

"Right," Rachel answered. "But, her plotting against us took up a lot of time and energy. Imagine how vindictive Sue can get if all her attention is focused on the Cheerios. To Sue, glee club is like a pressure valve that allows her to let off some steam. Just think about how awful she will be with no such outlet. The pressure will build up to critical mass levels and then it will explode…and do you know who that meltdown is going to be directed at?"

Brittany gulped. "Me?" she asked.

Rachel nodded. "And the rest of the squad."

"We'll get the Cheerios on our side," Santana assured the group.

"Cool," Puck said. "Now, Kurt—"

"Way ahead of you. I'm in the process of texting the Fashion Club as we speak. They would love to get some of the looks we've been putting together, like glittertards—a leotard covered in glitter—on camera. My TPM is higher than anyone else I know so I'll be done soon."

"TPM?" Quinn asked.

"Texts per minute," Kurt informed them all.

"You keep at it." Puck scanned the room. "Okay, Mike and Matt can talk to the football players. Finn can talk to the basketball team, and the soccer dudes."

Mike looked hesitant, "I'm not sure the guys would be willing to come."

"You can coordinate with me," Santana came up with a solution. "Tell the guys that if they don't go, their cheerleader girlfriends will not be happy. Remind them that unhappy girlfriends mean no nookie."

"If no one else wants to, I will take on the burden of talking to the girls' sports teams," Puck started to say.

Rachel shot him a look that said she clearly objected.

"Okay, Finn can do that. I'll use some of my patented persuasion skills to get all the nerds to come," Puck made the motion of pounding one fist into another.

"I'll talk to the Bible Club," Quinn volunteered. "They keep sending me notes saying that they are 'praying for my soul' so I might as well put that connection to good use."

"Amen," Puck responded.

"I'll convince the AV club," Artie spoke up. "Maybe we can put together a slide-show or something that can be played during our presentation. And, if I come across any other cripples, I'll be sure to let them know too," he said wryly.

"Er…okay. Anybody else?"

"Mercedes and I can target minority students," Tina offered. "I can also speak to the goths."

"I know none of y'all want anything to do with the Hip-Hop club, so I will take care of it," Mercedes told them.

Puck consulted his list again. "Okay. Rachel told me before that she is going to bring the ballet club."

Rachel nodded. "I am also willing to nag, irritate, and just plain annoy anyone else—stoners, AP students, bilingual club members—until they agree to back our cause."

Puck grinned. Those groups didn't stand a chance. Rachel was highly exasperating when she wasn't even really trying, but when she put her mind to it…well, let's just say those groups were doomed.

"Now that we have student based organizations taken care of, we need to talk parental involvement. My dads are willing to show their support and speak to some other parents. Do you think any of your parents would be willing to do the same?"

Kurt raised his hand, "My dad for sure. He's had to visit this school before to defend me. He perhaps wouldn't like the term, but he throws a mean hissy fit. His last tirade against discrimination was impressive to say the least."

"My mom would," Finn said.

"Mine too," Quinn added. "She has a lot of wasted time with me that she wants to make up for."

The rest of the glee members agreed that they could probably get their parents to come and to call other parents too.

"Great. I think we've settled everything we needed to. We should probably set up a time for another meeting to get a progress report. Don't forget to start talking to your assigned groups right away. Use whatever means necessary: logic, bribery, pleading, blackmail, threats, minor acts of violence that leave no visible injury that a jury could convict you on, intimidation, or other forms of subterfuge," Puck thought about the nun-chucks, pepperspray, and bullhorn sitting in his locker, "to get the intended outcome."

"Uh Noah," Rachel said, "We still need to discuss one other important thing."

Puck ran through his written and mental checklists. He didn't think he had forgotten anything.

"What?"

Rachel looked at him like he was missing the obvious. "A speaker. We need to decide who is going to give a speech at the school board meeting."

Puck did vaguely recall Rachel mentioning this to him.

"I just assumed you were going to do it."

"Well, that's what you get for _ass_-uming."

Puck let out a fake laugh. "Good one, _not_."

"Please excuse the pedestrian humor, but this is an important topic. We need to find a speaker that can represent glee club to the fullest."

"Rachel," Puck pointed at her, "You _are_ glee club. You care about it the most. You get the most solos. You eat, sleep, and breathe the stuff."

"That's precisely why I should be disqualified as a candidate," Rachel replied.

"I think I speak for everyone when I say, HUH?"

"I'm too involved. Everyone knows that I'm crazy about glee already. Plus, as you have mentioned on several occasions, I don't always have the most likable personality. Besides, we need to show the school committee members that this club has a broad appeal, and is not just for theater freaks like me."

"Fine." Puck looked around to see who he could pawn this off on.

"Finn?" he said aloud while on the inside he was calling him "Sucker!"

"I would, but I'm too tall for the podium in the auditorium. I had to stand behind it during one of my English classes to read a paper, and the other students said I looked like a giant. I think it would be too distracting."

"Damn you Frankenteen," Puck muttered.

He looked for the next victim. He couldn't ask Brittany—for obvious reasons. Santana drew a finger across her throat, so Puck knew not to go there. He could ask Mike or Matt, but for some reason, those two just didn't talk very much. Artie was probably a no go due to his wheelchair. Tina was shy. Mercedes was a bit too sassy. Quinn was still recovering, and Kurt would probably show up in a glittertard.

Rachel was the only suitable choice.

He turned back to look at her. "Come on Rachel, you can do this. It doesn't have to be some big deal. All you have to do is go up to the microphone, greet the guests, and thank them for coming. Then, while Artie's slideshow is playing in the background, you just talk about glee. Don't overdo it, just say that glee is a fun club and Mr. Schuester is a great teacher. Talk about the friends you've made and the positive impact that performing has had on your life. Next, talk about what school would be like without it. After that, we can all come out and sing a song. Bada bing, bada boom, you're done."

When he was finished, Puck expected Rachel to quickly agree to give the speech. Instead, she was facing the rest of the group.

Puck didn't like the way they seemed to be communicating with just their eyes. It was very _Children of the Corn_.

"So, we're agreed?" Rachel asked.

Puck could see them, even Quinn, nodding their heads.

"It's settled then. Noah will give the speech," Rachel said cheerfully.

If Puck had a sound machine that could accentuate this moment, he would use the _RRRPPPPP _sound that one gets by dragging the needle on a record player across a record (a sound used quite effectively on _Happy Days_, not that Puck was a big fan or anything).

"Hold up," he said, "Slow your roll. Stop the music, and stop the bus cause I want to get off. I am _not_ giving the speech."

"You just said that is was no big deal," Rachel reminded him.

"For you. It's no big deal for you. I've never given a speech in my life."

"Trust me; if you can sing a solo, then you can give a speech."

"I'll be bad at it. I'll probably swear. I'll drop the F-bomb, the S-bomb, or the D-bomb.

"D-bomb?" Kurt wondered.

"Dill-hole, dumbass, dickwad, dipshit…it varies depending on my mood," Puck told him.

"You are not going to use profanity," Rachel told him. "I am going to help you write a speech and practice reciting it."

"I'll probably mess up," he warned her and the rest of the group.

"It's fine if you do, just say what you feel. Like you said, it's a tiny little presentation, and then we'll sing a song. It'll be a piece of cake. This was your idea after-all."

"It still doesn't seem fair," Puck said under his breath loud enough so that Rachel could hear.

"Alright, I have a way to settle this," Rachel replied.

Great. Puck figured that she was going to flip a coin or something.

Rachel raised her voice, "Who wants to be the student speaker at the school board meeting next week?"

Before Puck even had time to blink, Rachel raised a finger, touched her nose, and shouted, "NOT IT!"

Artie was the first to mimic Rachel's actions. He was followed quickly by Tina, Mercedes, Kurt, Finn, and Quinn. After a hard nudge from Santana, Brittany put her finger to her nose, and pretty soon all the glee kids were doing it.

Except one.

Puck hadn't followed suit.

He was stunned. He had never lost at "Not It" in his entire life.

He felt betrayed. Puck was the one who had showed Rachel how to do it in the first place (It had happened the first night they had ordered take-out, and he didn't feel like cleaning up).

He had never thought it would come back to bite him.

"This is dumb," Puck said trying to save himself. "We can't let a stupid game decide something so important," he scoffed.

Rachel cleared her throat and lowered her finger, "Do you remember what you said when you introduced me to _Not It_? I too, insisted that it was a stupid game, but you said…"

Puck lowered his head. He knew when he was beat.

"I said it wasn't a game, it was a code to live by."

Rachel smirked. "Exactly. You can't go against the code, so I guess you're stuck."

"Fine, I'll give the lame-ass speech."

"You'll be great," Tina said encouragingly.

"Don't worry if you suck. It's not like they can cancel the club a second time," Finn teased.

"I would love to stay and bask in the warmth of your friendship," Puck said sarcastically, "but I need to see Rachel in the hallway for a second. So, talk amongst yourselves."

Rachel shrugged, but followed him out into the hallway.

As soon as the door was shut, Puck pulled Rachel into a deep kiss.

After ten seconds, she pushed against his shoulders lightly and he lifted his head.

"I thought you were going to be angry with me," she said confusedly.

"I am," Puck assured her as he went straight for her neck, and began kissing it hungrily

"You are?"

"Furious." Puck nibbled a spot behind Rachel's left ear.

Rachel wanted to ask him a question, but then she forgot. She always had trouble thinking when Puck did that.

Puck took a few steps forward, and stopped when Rachel's back went flat up against a locker.

"I…I'll…help you write the speech if you want," Rachel managed to get out.

"Are your dads gonna be home tonight?" he whispered the question in her ear.

It took her a moment to even remember what day it was.

"Th…they...have salsa lessons tonight. They won't be home until after eight."

"Good," Puck said as he continued his assault on her neck. "If I come over now, we should have plenty of time."

"To write the speech," Rachel reminded him.

"Yeah, that too." Puck's hands slid down and settled comfortably on Rachel's hips.

Rachel frantically looked around the hall, and was relieved to see that the coast was clear.

"Noah, we should probably go back into the choir room."

Rachel's face was completely flushed and she was feeling overheated. More than anything, she wanted a sip of water or maybe even a cold shower.

"Come on Rachel, where's your sense of adventure?"

She jerked her head towards the door, "It's in there, let's go find it."

Puck laughed. "I don't typically like an audience, let's do it out here."

"What!" Rachel squeaked. "We're in a place of learning."

"I bet I could teach you something new. I'm an expert when it comes to format, timing, and _length_" Puck said with confidence.

Rachel pointed to the choir room. "Our classmates are right on the other side of that door."

Puck silenced her momentarily with a kiss on the lips.

He pulled back slightly, raised an eyebrow suggestively, and said, "We wouldn't even have to take our clothes off…"

Rachel hesitated. Puck could be persuasive when he wanted to be.

As Puck leaned in for another round, Rachel stopped him.

"Let's go to my house," she hissed at the exact same moment Puck finished his thought, "Instead, we can put our thinking caps on!"

"What?" Rachel said feeling the heat drain from her body. She was coming back to reality. "Thinking caps?"

Puck stood up straight and blinked innocently. "I'm pretty sure we'll need them when we write the speech."

"So, you've been talking about the speech this whole time?"

"Of course, I'm a dedicated person. I even offered to work on it right here and discuss structure and timing, but it seems like you had something else in mind. Who would have thought that Rachel Berry would consider stealing my virtue in the hallway."

Rachel smacked him in the shoulder in an effort to cover her embarrassment. "Virtue? What virtue would that be? Being a jerk?"

Puck pretended to clutch his heart with his hands, "Ouch Rachel; that stings."

"You got me all hot and bothered, at school no less, for the purpose of deception. Move out of the way," she told him, "I'm going to go get Finn and tell him that he can kick you in the groin after-all."

"Hold on," Puck held his ground. "I propose a truce. If you promise to help me with the speech, I promise not to distract you with my animal magnetism and rock-hard arms on school grounds. It's not my fault that women find me irresistible." Puck stuck his hand out so that Rachel could shake it.

Rachel rolled her eyes. "My Prince Charming."

"I think we're even now. You used _Not It_ against me, and I had no choice but to retaliate. In other related news, I'm not mad anymore."

Rachel could see his point. She finally shook his outstretched hand. "Fine, we're even. But, we're going to work on the speech in the library. I think that will cut down on the number of _distractions_."

Puck knew the lingo. In other words, Rachel was telling him to keep his lips to himself, at least for the time being.

"Let's grab our stuff and then head over," Rachel said.

As Rachel started to open the door, Puck had one lingering question stuck in his mind.

"About that invitation to your house tonight…" he started to say.

"Rescinded," Rachel shot him down quickly.

"Duly noted," he replied.

Oh well, Puck thought as he re-entered the choir room, it had been worth a shot.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Author's Note:**_ _This is the last chapter (cue sad face :-( __). Thanks for reading; I had a lot of fun writing this follow-up fic. I foresee more Puckleberry stories in my future when the new season starts in the fall_. _Now, without further ado, I present…the finale!_

"Damn public schools and their lack of air conditioning," Puck muttered as he wiped his sweaty palms on his pants for the fifth time in as many minutes.

"Noah, the air _is_ on," Rachel insisted while standing next to him. "I'm actually kind of cold."

"If that's the case," Puck loosened his tie a bit, "then why am I so flippin' hot?"

Never one to keep her mouth shut, Rachel promptly replied, "Because you're nervous."

"I'm not nervous," Puck dismissed the possibility right away.

There were a ton of other things besides nerves that could be causing his profuse perspiration.

For starters, the suit he was wearing was not made out of a breathable fabric. Puck couldn't even remember the last time he had worn the damn thing…maybe at his bar mitzvah.

Secondly, Puck had to consider the fact that small people like Rachel did not act as the best temperature gauges. Skinny girls were always cold…Puck knew that malnutrition could cause poor circulation. As soon as this whole thing was over, Puck was going to tell Rachel to eat a damn sandwich.

Lastly, the air flow around the stage was often poor because so many people were gathered into such a small space. Puck could hear the glee club running around backstage trying to get ready for their number. Instead of being with the group, Rachel had agreed to wait with Puck in the wings until his name was called.

Even though she was making wild accusations, Puck appreciated the company all the same.

"Fine. If you're not nervous, then why are you sweating like…" Rachel wrinkled her nose as she tried to come up with a good simile.

"Like Lindsay Lohan sitting in jail, detoxing, and waiting to be released?" Puck offered.

Rachel smiled. "I don't like to make fun of another person's misfortune, but yes, you do look a bit frazzled like that."

Puck chose to ignore her comment and the topic altogether. Instead, he nodded at the rapidly-filling auditorium, "Looks like a good turnout," he observed.

Rachel stuck her head out quickly to get a look at the crowd. "It seems like everyone was able to persuade their assigned groups to attend. The signs they are holding are a nice touch."

Puck had convinced (more like threatened, but whatever) the art club to make signs for different groups to hold that would show their appreciation for glee.

Some of Puck's favorites included:

**Cutting Glee Is Whack!** (Hip-Hop Club)

**No Singing from Glee Makes the Angels Cry** (Celibacy Club)

**Don't be a Wanker; Glee Club is this School's Anchor! **(British transfer students)

**Getting Rid of Glee is No Joke...and we're the experts on** **funny** (Improv/comedy group)

**If Glee Goes, You Can Kiss Our Grits!** (random foodies)

**Keep Glee So We Can Get Laid By Them** (the football team's sign had an arrow pointing to the cheerleaders)

**Nobody's "Scoring" Until Glee Returns!** (Cheerleaders sign was pointing back at the guys)

Puck's absolute favorite had nothing to do with glee and came from some random dude sitting by himself wearing a mime outfit. His sign read:

**I'M SPEECHLESS!**

"Speechless," Puck chuckled under his breath, "It's funny cause mimes don't talk."

"What?" Rachel asked.

"Nothing," Puck knew Rachel probably wouldn't appreciate the joke anyways; she was too focused on the task at hand.

Puck jumped slightly when the lights in the auditorium suddenly began to flicker on and off rather quickly.

When the lights finally remained on, Puck asked, "What the heck was that?"

Rachel seemed unconcerned, "That was a way to get everybody's attention. It means we're going to start soon."

"Oh." Puck wiped his hands on his pants for the sixth time.

"Relax," Rachel told him. "Here's your speech," she said as she shoved a stack of papers in his hand. "Just do it like we practiced and you'll be fine."

Puck grabbed the papers, but he had a look on his face like Rachel was handing him a flaming bag of crap instead of a speech.

"It's a great speech," Rachel assured him.

"You're just saying that because you wrote most of it," Puck reminded her.

"I had to after you kept insisting on taking lines from famous speeches and just smashing them together to make a…what did you call it…oh yeah, a super-awesome mega speech."

"It would have been the best speech ever. Just consider the opening I came up with: Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers had a dream, that one day the people of this nation would not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content their character, and therefore we would all be allowed life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness…but not too much happiness because then people won't believe you when you say, 'I did not have sexual relations with that woman.'"

"Noah, I like you…" Rachel started to say.

"Because I'm pretty," Puck interrupted.

"But, that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard."

"Whatever. Don't hate me cause you ain't me," Puck shrugged off her comment. He had bigger things to worry about now. Principal Figgins was walking up the stairs onto the stage.

When he got up there, Figgins almost tripped on one of the cords running from the large projection screen that Artie and his friends from the AV club had set up for the slideshow.

Once he finally reached the podium, Figgins tapped the microphone and said, "Testing, testing is this thing on?"

Figgins' appearance was met with strong boos from the crowd. The glee members had done a good job of letting the student body know who had officially cancelled the club.

"Keep your panties on," Figgins responded to the criticism, "I have just a few announcements before we get started. The auditorium doors are now locked for your safety. No one is getting in or out. Refreshments made by the booster club are available on this side of the auditorium. Buying a cookie is like buying a student a little piece of knowledge, so stock up on those carbs. Lastly, to the person who lost the penguin beanie baby that just so happens to be missing from my own personal collection, to you I say—Finders keepers, losers weepers."

What a weirdo, Puck thought. He could tell from the silence in the auditorium that the audience agreed with him.

"Moving on, I would now like to welcome the members of the school board and the news media who showed up tonight. Hey cameraman, please shoot me from the right, that's my good side." Figgins motioned to the camera, "Move it this way, more, a little more…that's the ticket."

Apparently now happy with the angle, he continued, "As many of you in the audience know, glee club was cut due to unfortunate budgetary constraints. However, several students feel that this decision was made too hastily. I would now like to introduce a student who wishes to speak on behalf of glee. Please give a warm William McKinley welcome to Noah Puckerman."

Puck took a deep breath.

Rachel reached out and tightened his tie. "Break a leg," she told him.

"Somebody's leg may be getting broken tonight, but it's certainly not going to be mine," he shot back. "If the school board doesn't reverse this decision, I am going to go all Tanya Harding up in this piece."

"Okay then…good luck," Rachel gave him a quick peck on the lips.

You can do this, Puck thought as he tried to psyche himself up. You da man. You got the looks, the friends, and the girl…nothing can stop you.

Once Puck was standing in front of the mic, some of his confidence disappeared. At that point, the only thought he could muster was _Please don't faint, please don't faint_…

Puck stared at the Rachel approved speech in his hands, and his head started to spin. Her speech started out with the dictionary definition of glee and a brief history of glee clubs. If Puck were sitting in the audience, he knew that he would get bored listening to the words written out on these pages.

Puck didn't want to hurt Rachel's feelings, but he also didn't want to blow the speech. Before he could change his mind, Puck placed the speech on the podium facedown.

He knew he had to follow the basic outline of the slides in the show, but as far as the words went, he was going to wing it.

"Sup everyone," he greeted the crowd. "I want to thank everybody for coming tonight, especially the school board committee." Puck looked down at the front row of seats where the committee members were sitting with neutral expressions on their faces.

Neutral was good. Puck could work with that.

Puck nodded at Artie, telling him to start the slideshow.

The lights dimmed as a picture of kids playing at a playground popped up on screen.

Puck cleared his throat and began the presentation.

"What is glee?" he asked the audience. He gestured to the screen, "To these kids, glee is being able to play outside on a nice day with friends."

Puck nodded again, and another picture came into focus. This picture was of a man smiling and holding up big wads of cash.

"To this man, glee means winning the lottery. It means owning his own house and providing a better life for his family."

The next slide showed a young person driving down a highway in a cherry-red convertible with the top down.

"Glee for this woman means driving too fast with the wind blowing through her hair. It means having fun, being independent, and getting away from responsibility for a little while."

Puck paused for a second to try and gauge audience reaction. It was so quiet that he briefly imagined that the auditorium was filled with ninjas…that would be pretty sweet.

Without waiting for the signal, Artie clicked onto the next slide. Puck got his focus back when he found himself looking at the photo of glee club that was taken for the yearbook.

Puck pointed once again. "This photo represents what glee means to me. It may not look like much, but glee club is a place where a bunch of kids from different backgrounds get to hang out a few times a week."

An array of pictures began to flash by more quickly on the projection screen. Artie's slideshow included photos of all the glee members inside rehearsals and during and after performances.

Puck smiled as he thought back to his first days in the club. "I admit I thought the club was dumb in the beginning, but I know now that I was wrong. Over the past few months, I've learned so many things that can't be taught in a regular classroom. I've learned how to memorize music in record time. I've learned how to keep my anger in check for the good of the group. I now know that my friend Kurt's favorite color is fuchsia."

Many of the students in the audience laughed, and the fashion club cheered. Puck knew it was the fashion club because the glittertards they were wearing were probably visible from outer space. Puck was encouraged by the positive reaction to share even more personal stuff…especially when a picture of Finn and Quinn showed up on the screen.

"From being in glee, I know firsthand that a best friend is capable of forgiving you, even if you betray him in the worst way. I also now know that chicks rock, and moms have the hardest job in the world."

Puck looked over in Rachel's direction. He couldn't see her in the wings from where he was standing, but he knew she was listening. "Glee club has also taught me about the importance of being honest, especially with myself. If you care about someone, especially the prettiest girl with the best voice, you should just tell her without playing games because chances are she just might like you back."

Puck wasn't completely sure, but he could almost swear that he heard some awwws from behind the curtain.

Stop being such a pansy, Puck told himself. It was getting a little embarrassing. Showing a small amount of emotion was okay, but he had practically de-balled himself on-stage

Puck waited for the happy picture montage to end before he continued. He leaned forward and put his elbows on the podium. This act was to show the audience that he was about to get real with them.

"Look, I know how tough things are right now. The economy sucks, and people are losing their jobs and homes. I get that a little glee club from Hicktown, USA is not the top priority on anyone's list, and I understand that cuts have to be made somewhere."

Puck snuck another quick glance at the school board members, and he was pleased that they seemed to be taking his words to heart.

Puck went on, "I'm also not saying that singing and dancing can change the world. If we all join hands and sing Kumbayah, our problems will not magically go away."

Another chuckle from the crowd.

Puck straightened his posture in order to drive the next point home. "What I am saying is this…glee club is fun. It gives me something to look forward to, and it makes my school-day better. Coming from a guy who would rather get stuck in a bear trap than go to an algebra class…that's saying a lot."

Puck flipped over the pages of Rachel's speech because he remembered a part in there that he could use.

"I'm not sure if any of you know this," Puck said after looking at Rachel's intro, "but this school has never had a real glee club."

The audience members stared at one another confused, and Puck heard Artie's voice from behind the curtain exclaim, "Say what?"

Puck paused to let the statement sink in (maybe he was learning how to create drama from being with Rachel).

Finally, he went on, "In the old days, glee clubs consisted of all male voices singing in unaccompanied. Since New Directions has both guys and girls, it's technically a choir."

Ohhh, Artie whispered in the back.

Puck was ready to knock this thing out of the park.

"Although, New Directions is not a glee club _musically_ speaking, I think the name still fits. A club is merely a group of people with a shared interest. The dictionary definition for the word glee is 'a prolonged state of happiness or delight.'"

So far, the audience seemed to be following along.

Puck finished with a flourish, "Therefore, New Directions is a glee club because it has a whole bunch of people who feel happy when we get to sing. Not only do we feel good, I think we spread happiness to the audiences that get to listen. In hard times like these, I think it's a shame that a club with the word "glee" in it is the first to go. In my opinion, we could all use a little bit more glee in our lives."

Puck took a minute to catch his breath. He was relieved to notice that the queasy feeling in his stomach had completely vanished.

Puck looked over to a stagehand to see if the group was ready to perform. The stagehand gave him a thumbs up, and Puck introduced the performance.

"As my Nana Connie would say, actions speak louder than words. Without further ado, I give you this school's _glee club_…New Directions!"

The projection screen was quickly rolled up and pushed to the side as the curtain opened.

Puck joined the glee members when they came out, and the group belted out a rousing rendition of "Don't Stop Believin."

Halfway through the song, the glee kids ran down the steps and into the aisles. They clapped their hands and encouraged the audience members to sing along. Artie remained on-stage and popped several wheelies to show his excitement and add to the energy of the room.

When the song ended, the auditorium erupted into thunderous applause.

Figgins rushed on stage and told everyone to sit tight because he was going to hold a brief meeting with the school board members in private.

New Directions acknowledged the response, and then they rushed backstage to wait for the news.

"You owned that speech man," Finn said slapping Puck on the back.

"I didn't know you had it in you," Mercedes observed.

"I did," Rachel offered quietly.

Mr. Schuester suddenly came bursting into the small space.

"You guys are in big trouble," he said a bit out of breath.

Oh crap, Puck thought. His first instinct when he heard the word trouble directed at him was to flee.

Thankfully, it didn't come to that.

Mr. Schuester's face broke out into a big smile. "I can't believe you guys didn't tell me what you were planning. I had to hear about the meeting from Sue when I caught her putting thumbtacks on my chair this morning. If you had told me, I could have helped."

Rachel provided an explanation. "We didn't purposely leave you out to hurt your feelings. We just know that this whole thing is kind of a long-shot. We figured it would be easier to come to you after-the-fact in case nothing got changed."

"I appreciate you wanting to protect me, but I'm the teacher here. If something comes up that potentially affects our club, then I want to know about it," Mr. Schu told them.

"Sorry," the group said in unison.

"Don't be sorry, you guys were amazing out there!" he exclaimed.

Whoa. Mr. Schu's fluctuating moods were giving Puck whiplash. Puck wondered if his teacher forgot to take his hyperactivity meds.

Mr. Schu walked over to Puck and stuck his hand out, "Way to go Puck, that speech was incredible."

Puck shook his hand. "Thanks, I had some help though. Plus, Artie's slideshow really sold the whole thing."

turned his attention to Artie, and Rachel grabbed Puck's arm and pulled him away from the group.

"Security," Puck whispered loudly, "this girl is trying to have her way with me."

"Stop it," Rachel hid a smile. "I just wanted to know where this newfound modesty came from."

Puck blinked innocently. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"The speech. You made the whole thing up on the spot, and you barely took any credit."

"Not the whole thing," Puck corrected. "I did use some of the definitions you looked up."

"Even still, that was really great. Maybe you should go into improv…that could be your true niche."

After giving the speech, Puck had decided that he never, ever, ever, wanted to give one again. "Nah, I think I'll stick with singing and playing kickass guitar."

"Fair enough. I just wanted to tell you that no matter what happens tonight, I am really proud of you. You accomplished a great deal in just getting people to come, and I'm truly grateful that you want to save the club."

Puck raised his brow, "How grateful are we talkin' here?"

Rachel didn't catch his innuendo. "I told you; I am very grateful."

Puck wrapped his arms around Rachel's waist. "Remember when I said actions speak louder than words?"

A light went off in Rachel's head. "Oh. What do you think would be an appropriate way to express the full extent of my _gratitude_?"

Puck leaned towards Rachel's ear. He was about to whisper some (slightly dirty) suggestions when he heard the high-pitched frequency sound that occurs when a microphone gets too close to the speakers.

"I told you I'd be back," Figgins' voice boomed in stereo.

Rachel reached out and squeezed Puck's hand. "This is it she mouthed."

Duh, Puck thought.

"I don't want to draw this announcement out any longer than necessary…but, does anyone want to sing a quick version of 'It's a Small World' before we get down to business?"

The audience booed.

Puck prayed that he shared the verdict soon because Rachel was digging her nails into his palm and it freakin' hurt.

"Just joking. You were all in a singing mood before. Fine. I am pleased to announce that glee club is officially…"

Seriously, Rachel was about to draw blood.

"Reinstated!"

YEESSSSSSS!

Everyone backstage went wild and began hugging each other.

Figgins' voice came back on over the sound system. "Yes, indeed," he dead-panned. "Since the school board was adamant that I re-instate glee club, cuts had to be made elsewhere. Therefore, students will be required to perform their own head lice checks from now on."

Wasn't a big deal for Puck, he didn't have that much hair.

"One last thing," Figgins added, "I can see you in the back there Sue, and I don't care that you're glaring at me. I also received your note, and no, I will not meet you in the parking lot. You can come to my office and we can talk about this like adults. Now, everyone needs to get the hell out of the auditorium."

Figgins pointed to the camera-crew. "Not you guys, I am ready to give my interview."

"We did it!" Brittany, Santana, and Quinn squealed when Figgins was done.

"Group hug!" Finn shouted.

"Don't you mean _huddle_?" Puck joked.

"Shut your face, and get over here."

Rachel dragged Puck over to the others, and he obliged her by joining in on the hugging and celebrating.

"I need to go find my dad," Kurt said as he broke away. "He is going to be so happy for me."

"I think he's sitting with my mom. I'll go with you," Finn replied.

One by one, the glee-clubbers left to go talk to people in the audience.

After a few minutes, Puck and Rachel were the only two left backstage.

The noise from the auditorium gradually lessened, and Puck turned his full attention to Rachel. He held his hand up like it was a microphone and said in an exaggerated tone, "Now that the glee club is saved, what do you want to do?"

Rachel smiled mischievously. "I bet you can guess."

Puck pretended to think long and hard. "You probably want us to get back to work right away because Sectionals is closer than one might think."

"Now that you mention it, I do have an idea for a duet that you and I can…"

Puck's mouth dropped open.

Rachel noticed his expression, "You're right, that can wait until tomorrow."

"How generous of you," Puck said wryly. "Do you want to go buy a cupcake from the booster club? I'm sure they can't compete with my cupcakes, but I hear they're only fifty cents."

"Nah, what's the point of a cupcake if it doesn't give you a buzz," Rachel teased.

"You said it," Puck agreed.

Rachel laughed at the seriousness of his tone.

Puck wanted to catch her off guard with the next question.

"Do you want me to dress up like a mime?"

It worked. Rachel was speechless.

"Maybe _you_ should dress up like the mime," Puck observed.

Rachel just glared.

From far away, they could hear Figgins announcing that the last few stragglers had to clear out since the lights in the auditorium were getting shut off soon.

Naturally, Puck ignored the warning.

"Alright. So you don't want to rehearse, you don't want to eat baked goods, and you don't want to role-play. What's left?" Puck tapped his chin before making a face of mock horror. "Oh my Abraham, do you want me to go and talk to your dads so that I can declare my intentions towards you? I'll do it if I have to. I'll tell them that I respect and admire you. They won't be able to do anything but approve. After all, we are a couple of good-looking Jews, so our being together must be what God intended…"

"Hey, Puckerman," Rachel interrupted his adorable ramble.

"Yes?"

"I'm still not sure what I want to do, but I think I know what I want _you_ to do" she said inching closer.

Puck was hoping her response wouldn't include the phrase, "stick it where the sun don't shine."

"Okay," Puck decided to play along. "What do you want me to do?"

"Pucker Up."

Puck did a double-take. He wasn't sure he would ever hear those words again from either of their mouths after all that had come between them.

"Wait, that's supposed to be _my_ line," he reminded her.

Rachel moved even closer. "True, but last time didn't work out so great. I'm hoping for a different outcome."

Puck gulped.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

She tapped one of her fingers on his chest. "Don't screw it up."

"Hold on a second. You're the one who dumped me, remember?"

"Blah, blah, blah. Do you want to argue about semantics, or do you want to kiss me?"

"You are my favorite sparring partner…but I think I'll go with what's behind door number two Bob."

Rachel let out a throaty laugh. "Get over here," she said as she grabbed him by the tie and pulled him towards her.

Puck didn't need anymore coaxing. As he leaned in to fulfill her request, the overhead lights suddenly went off and the whole auditorium was thrown into darkness.

"Damn," Puck muttered as he felt Rachel tense in his arms.

"Noah?" Rachel said in a nervous voice.

"I'm right here," he assured her.

"Do you think everybody's gone?" she asked.

Puck called out a few times, but nobody answered.

"I guess it's just you and me," he said keeping a light tone.

"The doors are probably locked," Rachel wailed. "I can't even see well enough to get off the stage."

"Don't worry; someone will come looking for us," Puck rubbed Rachel's back a few times to calm her down.

"What if they don't?"

Puck shrugged. "Then I'll entertain you."

"How?"

"Gee, Rachel, what's one activity that doesn't require you to have your eyes open?"

"Hmmm," Rachel thought as she shifted her weight forward.

"Ow," Puck yelped. "You didn't have to pinch me _there. _I was talking about playing Marco Polo. What did you think I meant?"

Rachel immediately blushed, and Puck could feel the heat radiating off her face.

"Sorry, it's dark in here, and I didn't know what I was pinching."

Puck smirked, "It's fine, you got my elbow."

Rachel laughed, and Puck was glad that she was calming down.

"So, you're going to entertain me?" Rachel asked teasingly.

"Yup," Puck responded.

"Even if it takes all night?" she said boldly.

"Even if it takes all night," Puck promised.

"I'll let you try," Rachel promised back.

Since they were in close proximity before the lights went out, Puck had a pretty good idea of which direction he wanted to go in. He leaned in quickly before Rachel had the chance to change her mind or freak out again.

Rachel definitely wasn't changing her mind at the moment. As Puck's mouth met hers, she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and pulled his body closer.

Puck devoured Rachel's lips with his own to show that he was a man who kept his promises.

As they made their way onto the stage floor (to get more comfortable), Rachel murmured, "You're a good entertainer."

"I know," Puck responded, "I should offer my services at birthday parties."

Rachel wasn't impressed.

Puck felt a sharp pinch, "Okay, ouch Rachel, that most definitely wasn't my elbow."

"I know," was all she said.

Puck shifted onto his side, and felt a sharp, rectangular object jam into his hip.

It was his cell phone.

That meant he could call for help.

As Rachel let out an involuntary moan, Puck decided he would hold off on calling for a bit.

Even if he didn't call, Puck knew that they would be found…eventually.

Right now, he was going to enjoy having his girl in his arms.

Yup, Puck was right where he wanted to be.


End file.
